


Gordon's Ex is a Bitch

by EpicAandK



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Amputation, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gordon gets shot, Kinda?, M/M, Multi, Nightmare, OC's - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Swearing, Sweetvoice, Violence, hlvrai au, no beta we die like men, they just help the story along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 43,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpicAandK/pseuds/EpicAandK
Summary: Gordon Freeman moved out of Massachusetts and into New Mexico in order to escape his abusive ex girlfriend, Amanda. He isn't a social guy, still dealing with trust issues that formed during the toxic relationship. But when said ex shows up demanding Gordon lets her see their son, and that he returns home with her, a group of wacky scientists and an oddball guard make it their mission to insure Gordon never has to deal with that bitch again!
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold/Forzen
Comments: 483
Kudos: 923





	1. My Name Is Gordon Freeman

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic on Ao3, and my first fanfic since middle school. Warning: This could suck. I haven't written in a while so this story is a way to kill time and get some practice. Apologies ahead of time for misspellings and poor grammar, they have never been my strong suit. I have a lot of ideas for this story so hopefully you'll enjoy it.

My name is Gordon Freeman, I am an MIT graduate with a Ph.D. in theoretical physics, age twenty-seven. I am a single father. My son, Joshua Freeman, is three, and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I started working at Black Mesa a month ago, to escape my ex. Amanda.

My relationship with Amanda was not a good one, I can see that now. Amanda was abusive. She would yell at me often, accuse me of cheating, say I was worth nothing, say I did not love her, say I didn’t love anyone. Amanda was controlling. She needed to know where I was at all times, who I was with, more than once I would find her on my phone or computer, more than once I had to remove trackers from my car. Amanda was violent. Not just with her words, we often had to get new dishes from all the times she threw them at me. Broken glass was common in that household, no place for a kid.

I am a big guy, people don’t think big guys can get abused. She used that against me, managed to make everything my fault, convinced everyone that I was the one who hurt her, that I was the abuser. It was how she kept people from being close to me. It was just another method of control. At some points even I believed her, how awful of a boyfriend was I to make her so upset, so angry, so violent.

It wasn’t till Joshua was born that I realized how wrong this was.

I think Joshua was meant to be another way to control me. I couldn’t leave her if we had a child together. When Joshua was born, I was twenty-four and Amanda was twenty-seven. Joshua is a special kid, he has heterochromia. His left eye is brown, like mine, and his right eye is blue, like Amanda’s.

The first day home with Joshua, when Amanda threw a plate at me and missed, and it shattered against the wall, waking Joshua. That’s when I realized having a baby here wasn’t a good idea. I spent months trying to convince Amanda not to do that around Joshua, to calm down, to clean up the broken bottles before putting him down. Yet somehow, I was the bad parent.

I was the fuck up.

I couldn’t stand it any longer, and one night she was yelling at me about not cleaning up after her mess. Joshua almost got hurt by the shattered glass that missed me when she threw another plate.

The danger to Joshua, the vast amount of bills, and an endless number of repairs that I could barely afford, I just could not take it. I’d had enough.

I finally told her I wanted to break up, I grabbed Joshua and left. I never looked back as I carried my son to my older brothers house.

Later we went to a child custody court, and after a year it was decided that I would get full custody of Joshua. Amanda wasn’t working, just getting money from her parents, and spent to much time drinking to care for a child. The apartment also hadn’t been clean while we where gone.

Despite all of this Amanda kept showing up at my brother’s place, demanding to see Joshua. My brother, John Freeman, refused to let her in. It never stopped her from trying. When she couldn’t get in the house, she would corner me in stores and on the street, always yelling, always demanding I return to her or that I let her see Joshua.

I won’t let that beast of a woman anywhere near my son.

Eventually, thanks to my Ph.D. I got a job offer, far from home. Black Mesa wanted someone to work in their Anomalous Materials department doing nuclear, subatomic, and quantum research. I could do that. Amanda wouldn’t follow Joshua and I out to a desert, she hated the sand and heat. So, I got the money, bought a house out in New Mexico, and took the next available flight.

Here I am. Twenty-seven, single father, and currently riding the Black Mesa tram system to my department. My brother John is visiting for the week, so he’s currently watching Joshua. I swear he spoils the kid rotten! Not that I mind of course, Joshua loves when he visits.

I check my pockets as I ride the tram. ID? Check. Wallet? Check. Phone? Check. Passport? Check. Don’t want a repeat of the last time I forgot it, that security guard… Benrey was it? Bastard. Figures they wouldn’t tell the new guy of new company policy, why would they??? Let him be harassed and made late, then get mad at him for it. What could go wrong???

Whatever.

I remembered it today and that is all that matters.

I got off the tram and began the walk into work. I was greeted by the security officer at the front desk.

“Hey mister Freeman.”

“Howdy.” I responded, trying to keep a smile on my face.

“After you get that paperwork done at the administrator asked for, some guys down in the lab need you. They want you to help them move some stuff around for a test happening tomorrow.” They didn’t look up from their computer as they spoke, probably sorting out files.

“Alright. Thanks for the heads up.”

Heading down the hallway I glance into the small side room with the two vending machines. Sometimes I’ll see Tommy there, he was a nice guy. I remember the first time I met Tommy. He told me he only drank soda for lunch, and at the time I thought that was the weirdest thing I had ever heard! Ha!

Instead of Tommy being inside the room I see Bubby and Dr. Coomer. Coomer is in the process of getting a soda from the vending machine. Meanwhile Bubby looks like he’s complaining about… something. It’s to early to tell.

“Hello Dr. Coomer, hello Bubby.” I say, giving a small wave.

“Ah hello Gordon!”

Bubby just glanced over his shoulder “That’s doctor Bubby to you.”

“Right right, hello Dr. Bubby.”

“Damn right.”

“Are you excited Gordon?” Coomer asks in his usual cherry voice. “You’ll be helping out Tommy and I later today!”

“We’ll be moving stuff around yeah? The guard at the desk told me as much. Just gotta finish up some paperwork first, then get it the bastards upstairs.”

“Yes!”

“Alright, see you later then.” I turned heel and continued towards the locker room. Coomer is nice, Bubby is… Bubby. I actually met Coomer in the locker room, he seemed like a nice guy. Bubby I met later that same day, he allowed Benrey to keep following me, because I didn’t have my passport. He’s kind of an ass… But Tommy and Coomer like him, and since I sit at them with lunch, I guess I can live with him.

I wouldn’t say any of them are my friends, I haven’t had friends since… well since Amanda. My therapist says I have trust issues, and I need to get some friends if I want to get better. I… I haven’t gotten around to that.

I have my son, I have my brother, that’s all I need.

Entering the locker room, I notice its empty. Not uncommon. Most people have their stuff in their office or already on them. I just don’t want to risk Joshua ruining any of my paperwork, so I keep it in the locker. Speaking of said locker, I open it with ease and begin to get out all the paperwork I need to fill out, there’s more of it than I remember.

“Ahem.” Came a similar voice from next to me. Its feminine, soft, and cold. I feel my skin crawl. It can’t be, it can’t! She’s back in our hometown! With her mom and dad! She can’t be here, she can’t!

Slowly I turned to face her, and I feel the paperwork slip from my grasp.

“A… Amanda?”

And there she was. Standing next to me. Her long brown hair tide back in a ponytail, and her judgemental blue eyes dig holes into my own, green and brown eyes.

“Do you know how long I have been hiding in the bathroom stalls?” She said in a harsh tone. “All of this, just to be able to see my own god damn kid!”

“… You’re not going to see Joshua.”

“Like fucking hell I’m not!”

I slammed my locker closed and turned to leave. I need to get security. I need to get someone. She isn’t meant to be here. I feel her grab my wrist and as I turn to face her I see a gun pointed at my chest. A standard issue black mesa pistol.

“Now you listen here. Mister. Freeman.” Her voice is laced with venom as she continues. “You are going to get our fucking son, then we are getting on the next flight home! Got it!?” She leaned in close, and I realize I’m not breathing.

No… no I can’t go back. I can’t put Joshua threw that. I can’t I can’t I can’t! My thoughts are cut off by the locker room door sliding open. I see Tommy. He is smiling as he enters the locker room.

“Hello mister Free…. man….” his voice trails off. As his eyes lock onto the pistol Amanda is holding to my chest.

Amanda shifts the gun away from me and points it at Tommy. “Aw... You really shouldn’t have come here, I’m gonna need to make sure you don’t tell nobody.” She turns off the safety as she stares down Tommy.

“NO!” I shout and lunge for the pistol, moving the pull it away from Amanda.

“HEY!” She cries and begins to fight me to keep her grip on it.

“TOMMY! GO GET HELP!” I yelled, still wrestling Amanda for the gun. I hear Tommy turn and run, his shoes echo down the hallway as he runs. I risk taking a glance at the door, to make sure he made it out okay.

Amanda uses this distraction to elbow me in the face, my glasses crack under the pressure of her elbow. I let out a cry of pain and feel her rip the pistol from my grasp. I stumble back in response, a hand on my face. God I hope I don’t have glass in my eye!

I hear the locker door slide back open, just as a gunshot rips threw the air. My eyes turn to the door. Who got shot!?

But I don’t see any of the men in the doorway hurt… who… who got…?

Then I feel it. Its searing hot, and painful, and it fucking HURTS. I look down and see in my side and see a hole. Its bleeding. Badly. My hand moves away from my face and to the wound. I can barely react as I feel myself crumble.

“MISTER FREEMAN!” A familiar voice cries.

I hit the ground with a thud, but as I lay on the ground, I see Coomer and Benrey run at Amanda. Benrey reached her first, and tackled her to the ground, ripping the gun out of her hand. Coomer soon made it over as well and helped Benrey flip her over and work on pinning her down. Huh, Benrey looks bigger than usual, was he always that tall?

“M-mister Freeman? Can you hear us??”

“Fuck! That’s a lot of blood.”

I hear Bubby and Tommy above me; I turned my head and look up at them. Quickly Bubby moves his hand and begins to put pressure on the wound.

“Don’t move idiot! You’ll only make it worse!”

“Heh… looks like you got help Tommy… thanks.” I feel my words begin to slur; blood loss would do that too you. Tommy nods quickly.

“O-of course mister Freeman! Where going to get you to a hospital! Just… Just stay put!”

I feel myself laugh, then cough a little. Ow. That hurt. “Tommy I’m… not…not really in a position… to move.”

“GET OFF ME YOU FUCKS! HE STARTED THIS! HOW CAN YOU DEFEND HIM! I AM ONLY A MOTHER TRYING TO—”

“Bro, shut up!” I hear a voice growl. Was… was that Benrey? Shesh, that’s… kind of scary.

“Trust me miss, we can do far worse than simply pin you down.” Damn. Coomer could be scary too. I have never heard Coomer sounds so… serious. In fact, I haven’t seen this group of people look anything like they do right now.

Tommy has a fearful yet determined look on his face as he helps Bubby slow my bleeding.

Bubby looks…. Kind of worried. At lest it is the most worry I’ve ever seen the sharp tooth scientist.

Coomer looks pissed, keeping Amanda pinned down with a glare on his face, his normally cherry face curled into a deep frown.

And Benrey.

I have never seen Benrey emote… like ever. Aside from the maniacal laughter he does anytime he jumps off the elevator. He bares his teeth as he seems to snarl at Amanda, holding her head down as he glared daggers into her.

Soon more security, along with some medical doctors, enter the room. The guards quickly get Amanda in handcuffs and haul her off. I feel myself being moved gently onto the stretcher and secured to it. To make sure I don’t fall off, of course. I barely feel awake. I know Tommy is speaking to me, telling everything is going to be alright, but I can barely understand him. The last thing I see before slipping unconscious is Benrey, he looks… more worried than I have ever seen the man. His yellow eyes filled with worry and staring holes into my head.

Coomer, Tommy, Bubby, and Benrey all watch as the doctors gently carry me away. There is silence for a while afterwards, none of them know what to say.

Coomer breaks the silence.

“Well… that was certainly invigorating, wasn’t it gentlemen?” He forced his cheery tone, but his eyes didn’t look away from the blood on the ground.

Tommy nodded, turning away from the blood and towards Coomer. “Mister… mister Freeman…. He… he stopped that lady from shooting me. We… We should go visit him, in the hospital!”

“Wonderful idea Tommy!”

Bubby forced a huff, “I mean, I guess. The bastard bleed all over the fucking locker room. Who knows how long it will be until this shits cleaned up.”

“Now now Bubby, there’s nothing a little hard work wouldn’t do to help! That and some bleach!”

The group then returned to their awkward silence, but only for a moment.

“That was… that was pretty cringe. Feetmen getting shot like that… pretty uh… pretty unepic.” His eyes glanced down at the gun he held; it was the one Amanda had just shot Gordon with. Benrey felt… angry as he stared down at the gun. His eyes narrowed in on it. “Maybe uh… maybe Gordon needs a chicken hat, after that epic fail.”

“Hm… Benrey, I didn’t know you where so fast! With my super legs I had assumed that I would be faster!”

“Huh? Oh… uh yeah, its cause of my pro gamer moves. Speed runner.”

“Shut the fuck—what are you two on about?”

“A speedrun is a play-through, or a recording thereof, of a whole video game or a selected part of it, such as a single level, performed with the intention of completing it as fast as possible. While all speedruns aim for quick completion, some speedruns are characterized by additional goals or limitations that players subject themselves to, such as collecting all key items, playing blindfolded, or attempting to achieve goals that are particularly not a desirable goal for a video game's community. Players speedrun mainly to challenge themselves, to entertain and to compete with themselves and others. Players performing speedruns, called speedrunners, often record their attempts. These recordings are used to entertain others, to verify the completion time, to certify that all rules were followed, and to spot ways to further improve the completion time.”

Bubby blinked, staring at Coomer. “That… that cleared up fucking nothing.”

“Sorry dear.” Coomer laughs, putting an arm around Bubby. Bubby leaned into Coomer, grumbling about this all being stupid.

Tommy had turned away from the group, he gently gathered up the paperwork that Gordon had dropped. Gently, he placed the paperwork back into the man’s locker, and with just as much caution he closed the locker.

“Do… do any of you know who that lady was? She seemed to know Gordon… I heard them… I heard them talking. Before I entered the locker room…”

Benrey looked up from the pistol, looking over the others in the room. He had spoken to Gordon a handful of times; he found that the man was fun to rile up, especially when he did something silly like forget his passport. Outside of those few times though, and the occasional lunches where they sat together, Benrey really didn’t know the guy.

Bubby just shook his head, still leaning into Coomer.

“Unfortunately, no.” Coomer sighed, glancing to the side, “I know very little about Gordon’s life outside of Black Mesa.”

“Yeah… me neither…” Tommy added, glancing back down at the blood. “We… we should go get someone. To clean this up.”

“Fucking finally.” Bubby grumbled, taking Coomer’s hand and leading him out of the locker room.

“Well gentlemen, we will see you later!” Coomer waved goodbye to Tommy and Benrey.

“Goodbye mister Coomer!” Tommy responded with a smile. “Let’s meet up tomorrow! I-I’m sure I can drive us all to the hospital! A-and I can convince my dad to give us all day off!”

“Wonderful plan Tommy!” Coomer called back, before leaving with Bubby.

“Sounds uh, pretty poggers dude. Uh… smell ya later.” Benrey left the looker room, still holding the gun Amanda had shot Gordon with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw artwork of Gordon also having heterochromia. But instead of it being brown and blue, like Joshua, it was brown and green. Since heterochromia is often hereditary I decided they should both have heterochromia, so I am editing the parts of this fanfic that says Gordon has brown eyes.


	2. Its No Big Deal!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending quality family time with your brother and son is nice! Less so when your in a hospital bed, but beggars can't be choosers. Yet, it seems the funs only just getting started as some of Gordon's co-workers stop by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a more dialogue heavy chapter, Gordon can't do much other than talk when he's in a hospital bed. Oops. Shout out to jaketheluckysailor on tumblr for helping me name this fanfic!

My name is Gordon Freeman, I am an MIT graduate with a Ph.D. in theoretical physics, age twenty-seven. I was recently attacked by my ex, who somehow managed to sneak into my workplace and steal a gun from one of the security officers. Currently, I am laying in a hospital bed, my brother John is in the chair next to me. On the bed next to me is my son, Joshua. He is clinging to me and crying, he doesn’t yet know what happened he just knows I’m hurt.

“Shh… Shh… Joshie I’m gonna be okay. Shh.” I hug my son close, rubbing his back as he hiccups and sobs.

“I… I don’t want daddy to be hurt!”

“I don’t wanna be hurt either kiddo, but I’ll be fine. Just need some rest!” I lean into him some more. God. I’m terrified. I try and sound calm for my kid, but my head is racing. What would happen to Joshua if I had died in that locker room? Would Amanda get custody of him? Would Amanda hurt Joshua? Would she be after us?

“Don’t worry Joshua. Uncle John is going to be taking care of you while your dad recovers!” My brother says, placing a hand on Joshua’s shoulder.

“Yeah… won’t that be fun Joshua? You get to spend extra time with your uncle!”

Joshua pulls out of the hug a little, rubbing the tears off his face. “Y-yeah” he sniffles, and I feel my heart shatter as I look at him. I hate seeing Joshua cry, his brown and blue eyes filled with tears breaks my heart, every time. I pull him into another hug.

Ever since my mom and dad kicked me out for being bisexual, Amanda, Joshua, and John where the only people I really had. Leaving Amanda was hard, but clearly, it was for the best. Having Joshua around someone that… unstable, it couldn’t have been good.

“You know daddy loves you, don’t you Joshua?”

I feel my son nod, squeezing me as tight as his little arms could. He then pulled out of the hug once more, “why are you crying daddy?”

Huh? Oh. I hadn’t even noticed that a few tears rolled down my face. My brother looks at me with concern, clearly worried for me.

“No reason Joshua, I’m okay.” I plant a kiss on his little forehead, before relaxing back into the bed. Just as I relax into bed a nurse enters the room.

“Mr. Freeman, you have some more visitors.”

“Huh?” I feel myself tense a little. Was it Amanda or someone close to her, had the come to finish the job!? Where they going to hurt Joshua??

“Hello Gordon!”

“Hi Mister Freeman!”

“Hmph.”

“Sup Cringeman.”

I turn my head to look at the four men in the doorway. Oh. It was just some of my co-workers. Good, good… that’s much better than the alternative.

Each of my coworkers was outside of their usual workplace attire. Bubby had on a light blue turtleneck, black jeans, and a leather jacket. Coomer wore a flower-patterned shirt with brown capris and sandals. Benrey wore a black PlayStation hoodie, with sweatpants and a grey beanie instead of his usual helmet. Tommy had a red and yellow helicopter hats on, with a yellow t-shirt and white jeans.

“Uh, hey guys. Come on in.” I turned away from them to look at Joshua, who was shyly hiding in my shirt. “Joshua, John these are some of my coworkers. That’s Coomer, Bubby, Tommy, and Benrey. They helped daddy out when he got hurt!”

Joshua gave a small wave, but still leaned heavily into me. The kid was always a little shy.

John nodded curtly to the group “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice jacket.” Bubby said, gesturing to the leather jacket John had placed on the back of the chair he was sat in.

“Thank you. My boyfriend got it for me, not to bad yourself.”

“Mister Freeman! Is this Joshua???” Tommy walked over to the hospital bed I was in. Tommy must have seen the photo in my locker, Joshua was really the only thing I would openly talk about outside of work-related stuff. “He looks even better than in the picture!”

“Gordon, your boy is beautiful!”

“Uh, thanks guys.”

“Yo, is this the little shit?” Benrey walked forward to stand next to Tommy, I groaned.

“Okay first. Do not swear in front of my kid. Second. If you didn’t just save my life, I would punch you.”

“Cringe.”

I feel myself let out a heavy sigh. “Is that all you’re here to do? Call me cringe? Or do you like… want something?”

“Huh?”

Great, now I have a headache. As I let out another sigh I hear John laughing.

“You got yourself some interesting friends. Figures, you where always a weird kid.”

“Hey!”

“It’s true!”

“Um, mister Freeman. I’m sorry to interrupt but… but somethings been bothering me.” Tommy spoke up, looking at me with that same determined look he wore yesterday.

“Whats up Tommy?”

“… Who was that lady, the one who attacked you?” Oh.

“Uh… well um…”

“The bitch.” John piped up.

“John—”

“It’s true!”

“Not in front of Joshua!”

“Well to be fair Gordon, she did seem like quiet the bitch!”

“Coomer—”

“She was a massive fucking bitch Gordon.”

“Bubby please—"

“B… Bi… Bitch!” Joshua giggled, finding the word funny.

“No Joshua, no. That’s a bad word!” I look at my son, distressed the three-year-old just swore. John meanwhile, was now laughing at my expense.

“Look at what you did.” I stare at John, which only causes the man to laugh harder.

“Fucking cringe, changing… changing the topic like that. Didn’t… didn’t even answer Tommy’s question...” Benrey was looking off to the side. Oh yeah, Tommy had asked…

Had asked who my attacker was.

“Well um… her name is Amanda—”

“I prefer to call her the bitch.” John added unhelpfully.

“I.. ugh. Yeah. Not in front of Joshua. Anyway… her name is Amanda. She is… Joshua’s mother, and my ex-girlfriend.” Gordon held onto Joshua. He hadn’t had the heart to fully explain to Joshua why he shouldn’t see his mom, he understood the basics though, mommy had hurt daddy, and daddy couldn’t risk mommy also hurting Joshua.

“So what? She tried to kill you over a fucking break up?” Bubby asks. He was holding Coomer’s hand. The man looked… almost concerned?

“Well… it’s a little more complicated than that. But yeah, I guess? I don’t…. I don’t think she wanted to kill me. She wanted… she wanted Joshua and I to go back with her, back to Massachusetts.”

I felt the eyes of the other men in the room burning into him. This was uncomfortable, I didn’t want to talk about it. It was fine. Everything was going to be fine. “I… Its no big deal!” I added, trying to hide his anxiety, “just some old… nasty stuff.”

“Well clearly it is a big fucking deal!”

“Mister freeman she pulled a gun on you!”

“She threatened our dear Tommy with it too!”

Gordon flinched as the three men began talking. Oh, okay. Maybe ‘its no big deal’ wasn’t the right thing to say.

“Not to mention all the shit she did before.” John grumbled, leaning back in his chair.

The other men in the room quieted for a moment, until Benrey spoke, his voice a deep growl.

“Bro. What do you mean, the shit the did before?!”

John looked over at me, “you haven’t told them?!”

“I… I didn’t want to bother anyone! I-it’s not a big deal, really!”

“MISTER FREEMAN SHE SHOT YOU!” Tommy yelled, his hand gripping the hospital bed. I fall silent and let Tommy continue. “You are going to be in the hospital for at least three months! Mister Freeman please, this is serious! If you’re in danger I want to know!!!”

“… I don’t…”

“Gordon. We, as your co-workers, are worried about you. And we want to know what the fuck is going on!” Bubby adds, crossing his arms and glaring.

“Fine, fine. But I don’t want Joshua to have to hear all this… not yet. John… why don’t you and Joshua go get some ice cream?” I felt my hands shake as I hand Joshua to John. My older brother only responded with a silent nod, he shrugged on his leather jacket and left with Joshua.

Joshua looks devastate as they leave the room, and I feel my heart break again as he waves goodbye. I can’t tell him everything. Not yet. When he’s older maybe, but not yet.

Now I am in the hospital room, with four of my co-workers around me. Each and every one of them is staring at me, waiting.

“I… ugh, okay. This is… kind of hard for me, so just… just give me a minute.” I run a hand threw my hair as I spoke. I’m shaking. Why am I shaking? It’s no big deal… why am I shaking?

“Take your time Gordon, we can wait.” Coomer’s words cut threw my thoughts. His voice is soft though, and he gently smiles at me, giving my shoulder a pat as he waits for me to get my act together.

It took a while to explain everything. The toxic environment, the constant throwing of objects, the broken glass everywhere, the invasion of my privacy, the trackers in my car. I couldn’t look at them as I spoke, I’m not sure why but… I felt ashamed. Someone like me should not get abused. It just doesn’t happen. Or at the very least you don’t think it does, until it happens to you. Tommy, Coomer, Bubby, and Benrey are all silent as I speak, each portraying a different emotion on their face.

Tommy’s face is filled with worry and horror, he has a hand over his mouth, looking at me with his overwhelmingly bright and concerned eyes.

Coomer looks pissed, he’s cracking his knuckles and fingers, staring at the door with an unspoken intensity, almost like he’s trying to dare Amanda to walk through it.

Bubby has small bits of smoke coming from the tips of his hair, he was glaring down at the floor, he looks disgusted, yet somehow, I know that expression is not for me, its for Amanda.

At a first glance, it almost looks like Benrey doesn’t care, his face still holds its usual neutral expression, but on a closer look I notice he keeps clenching his hand into a fist, his knuckles crack occasionally as he does so.

“And so… that’s why I moved to New Mexico and came to work at Black Mesa. To uh… to get away from that whole… mess.” I said with a shrug, my voice soft.

“When did you plan on telling us Gordon?” Coomer’s face shifted from anger to concern as he turned to face me.

“I uh… I… didn’t plan on telling you guys. I… I honestly didn’t think it mattered.”

“Of course it matters mister Freeman!!!”

“Why wouldn’t it fucking matter?!”

I sunk more into the bed as both Tommy and Bubby insisted on its importance. God, now I just feel awful, both from my wound and the fact that these people genuinely seemed worried, and I had assumed they could not care less about me.

The sound of sweet voice stopped my train of thought, my eyes flickered over to Benrey. The color of sweet voice was blue. Benrey still had his hands clenched into fists as he glared at the floor, his lips curled into the snarl I saw earlier, back in Black Mesa.

“Blue means… Blue means I hate you.” Tommy said, looking at Benrey.

I feel myself sigh, of course Benrey would still hate me, probably going to insult or mock me. Asshole.

“Look buddy—”

“Where is she?” He cut me off. His intense yellow eyes look at me.

“H-huh?”

“DON’T FUCK WITH ME FEETMAN, WHERE IS THAT CRINGY LITTLE BITCH?!” Had Benrey always had sharp teeth? I swear he was not this tall a second ago?!?

I had flinched when Benrey yelled, he clearly noticed and looked away. He almost looked ashamed. His eyes had returned to the floor, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Where is she.” He repeated, his voice back to its usual tone, but his eyes remained intense.

“I… I don’t know?? Security… security probably hauled her off to jail!”

“That’s right!” Coomer added. “She’s probably in a jailcell somewhere. More than likely awaiting a trial date!”

“Guess bootlickers are good for something…” I grumbled, trying to hide my nervousness. Never, in my entire time at Black Mesa, have I seen Benrey this angry.

“I… I hope they lock her away! For a long time! She… she trespassed on Black Mesa! A-and she attacked you!”

“Yeah, I uh… I hope so to Tommy.”

“If not, I’ll burn the bitch.”

“Wonderful idea Bubby!” Coomer smiles, cracking his knuckles once more.

I look around at the men surrounding my hospital bed. It’s been so long since anyone outside of John or Joshua really… cared about me? I haven’t seen my parent’s in years, I lost contact or actively avoided any and all of my old friends in Massachusetts. So, to lay here, with people actively wanting to help me… people I barely know… it’s kind of… nice.

Wait.

“Uh guys… how did you find me? Did Black Mesa tell you what hospital I was in??”

“No!” Unhelpful, but thanks anyways Coomer.

“M-my dad! When I told him what happened he agreed to give us today off of work! A-and he… he even told us where you were! To make sure we could visit you!” Tommy smiled brightly.

Creepy but okay. “Tommy, how did your dad know where I was?”

“Oh! He knows lots of things mister Freeman!”

Not any less creepy, but okay. I ran a hand threw my brown hair again, it was odd not having it in the usual ponytail, but it also wasn’t fun to lay on a ponytail. I was so focused on what Tommy said I didn’t even notice a familiar security guards face turn a soft pink as I fiddled with my hair.

Soon John re-entered the hospital room, Joshua in his arms. My three-year-old son did little grabby hands at me. Too cute. I laughed and took him from John, quickly hugging him.

“Hey there Joshie! How was your ice cream?”

“Amazing!!!” Joshua threw both his arms into the air, almost hitting me in the process, before returning my hug. John chuckled as he reclaimed his seat.

“So, I should probably call my workplace and boyfriend,” John pulled out his phone, “they may be upset with me. But hanging out with Joshua here is better than leaving him alone, or even bring him back to my place.”

“Well, I’m sure theres no need for that!”

“What do you mean Dr. Coomer?” I asked, looking up at him confused.

“If you are okay with it Gordon, Bubby and I would be happy to help watch Joshua!”

“We would?”

“Yes!”

“I would love to help to mister Freeman! I am great with kids! Sunkist, my dog, is to!!!”

“Oh that’s really nice of you guys to offer but… I don’t think I could pay you back for it?”

“What? Cringy Feetmen doesn’t have the v-bucks?”

“The what—no. No. I don’t. Especially not after these medical bills.”

“Well that’s bullshit. I know for a fact Harold and I are payed enough by Black Mesa, we don’t need some shitty babysitting payment.” Bubby said, looking away from me. Huh, never thought I’d hear that from him.

Coomer gave a happy nod. “Besides, it will be fun to get to know little Joshua!”

“You don’t need to pay me either, mister Freeman. I love kids!!!”

“Well I mean… if you three are sure…?”

“Yes!”

“Absolutely mister Freeman!”

“… I guess. Better then watching Harold’s dumb tv shows.”

Coomer let out an offended gasp, before quickly grabbing Bubby and putting him into a head lock. Bubby lets out a colorful array of swears as Coomer starts to give him a noogie.

“Guys please! Not in front of Joshua!”

Joshua let out a small giggle, watching as the two elderly men squabbled. I covered his ears in an attempt to not let these people corrupt my poor son. John was howling with laughter.

“Well its decided then. While I stay in town I’ll teach these three Joshua’s routine, then give them the spare key, okay?”

I simply nod, still focused on covering Joshua’s ears.

“What about you huh?” John turned to Benrey. “Not a kid person?”

“Whu? Uh no.” He fiddled with the strings on his hoodie. “Besides, Failman over here probably… probably needs someone to check up on him. Someone to protect him and his uh… stupid chicken hat.”

“Gee, thanks Benrey.” I roll my eyes. Under normal circumstances I would refuse to let Benrey anywhere near me… but the man did help save my life. Plus… my anxiety is already running high, so having someone around wouldn’t be the worst thing…

Even if that someone was Benrey.

So the plan was made. Over the next week John was teaching Tommy, Coomer, and Bubby how to take care of Joshua. They learned his scheduled nap times, what time dinner was, what daycare he went to on days they had to work. Once the week was up, John said his goodbyes and took a flight to return home.

The whole gang would visit me regularly, it was nice, I got to see Joshua everyday and the others seemed to be taking good care of him. Benrey would visit more frequently than the others. He would often talk about his PlayStation, and while it was annoying his company wasn’t… unwelcomed.

The worst part of being stuck in the hospital was when I was alone. Most of my time was spent sleeping, healing. When I was awake though… my paranoia would be running high. I feared for Joshua. I feared for myself. I feared what Amanda would do if she somehow got out of jail or got a lesser sentence in prison.

Let’s hope I never have to find what Amanda would do if she got out.


	3. My Only Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woo! It's Gordon's first day out of the hospital! He's still recovering, but it's good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the Kudos and Comments! It's good to know people are enjoying this story! I enjoy writing it.

My name is… never mind I am not going to repeat it again. I just spent three weeks confined to a hospital bed. But now I was at least well enough that they where finally letting me go home. I still wasn’t fully recovered, that would take months.

I now had prescriptions for antibiotics and painkillers, as well on instructions on how to change the bandage and how often I should do so.

Getting out of the hospital gown was a major relief, getting dressed in my own clothes was an even bigger relief. It was just a basic outfit. An orange sweater with black pants and sneakers, but it felt so fucking freeing.

I was getting ready to go home. Tommy was coming to pick me up from the hospital and drive me home. He had volunteered to, since its not a good idea to drive while taking medication. He, Bubby, and Coomer had been watching Joshua while I was bed ridden so I knew I didn’t need to give Tommy directions. From what I had heard things had been going well.

My phone buzzed and I pulled out of my pocket.

_“I’m here mister Freeman_ _😊_ _”_

_“Ok just give me a minute”_ I left my hospital room and said goodbye to the nurses at the front desk. I was so excited to finally be going home.

Once outside the hospital I can easily spot Tommy. He is parked nearby and is waving at me. He has a big smile on his face. I wave back and begin to walk over.

Tommy was leaning against his Banana yellow car and was still wearing his propeller hat. He also had on a yellow and red stripped shirt on with red sweatpants to go with it.

“Hello mister Freeman! It’s good to see you up! You… you’re like a flower! Blooming after a harsh winter!!!”

I chuckle. “Thanks Tommy, its nice to see you to.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but Benrey is in the backseat with Sunkist. Sunkist wanted to meet you! And… and Benrey wanted to see you on your first day up!”

“Oh uh, yeah. It’s fine. Guess that means I got shotgun?”

Tommy only nodded in response, before getting into the car. I follow his lead, getting into the passenger seat.

“Sup’ Feetmen.”

“Hello Benrey.” I rolled my eyes before looking back at the man. He still wore his PlayStation hoodie, but had swapped out his sweatpants for some baggy jeans. Sure, Benrey was the one to visit the most, but that seemed to be more because he had nothing better to do, rather than any compassionate reason.

But as much as I would love to start to bicker with Benrey, my eyes are drawn away by a massive yellow dog. Benrey is forced to one side of the car as the golden beast takes up the rest of the back seat.

“… that is… a really big dog…”

“Of course mister Freeman! Sunkist is the perfect dog, a-and big dogs are better!”

“Th… that’s Sunkist?” I turn to look at Tommy.

He smiles back at me. “Yep! I made her myself!”

“… you made Sunkist?!”

“Bro. That’s what he just said.” Benrey piped up, completely unfazed by Sunkist.

“I know that’s what he—”

“Then why did you repeat it dude?”

“Benrey.”

“Huh?”

“Benrey.”

“Whu?”

“I am. To tired. To deal with you right now.”

“Aw… does Feetmen need a little nappy nap. A little snooze. Gotta get them z’s bro.”

I sigh and hold my head in my hand, this was going to be a long drive home.

By the time we reached my place I had a headache. Benrey was not an easy person to talk to, and Sunkist occasional loud barks did not help. It was good though, watching us pull into the driveway. I couldn’t help but smile.

The front door opens, and I see Bubby and Coomer step out. Bubby is holding a tired Joshua while Coomer waves hello, he still has his usual smile.

“Hello Gordon!”

“Howdy Dr. Coomer.” I exit the car and quickly make my way over. Joshua looks up at me and smiles.

“Hi daddy,” he says sleepily. His head is still leaned against Bubby.

“Hey Joshie!” I gently take him from Bubby and kiss his head. “Is it naptime buddy?”

He only nods, leaning into me. I can’t help but laugh and hug him close. Bubby is smiling at Joshua as I do so. Huh. Never seen the guy really smile at anyone other than Coomer.

“Thank you, for everything, this really means a lot. I hope Joshua didn’t give you guys to much trouble.”

“Not at all mister Freeman!” Tommy had parked the car and walked over with Sunkist, a big smile on his face.

I smile more, this… this was nice. “Well, I should get this sleepy cowboy to bed.” I moved some hair out of Joshua’s face as he yawned and leaned more into me.

“Nap time at Feetmen’s? Nice.” I jumped a bit, I hadn’t notice Benrey come up behind me.

“Jeez dude! Don’t… don’t scare me like that!”

“Whu?”

I shake my head, before getting an idea. “Have you guys already had lunch?”

“No mister Freeman.”

“Nah, to busy picking up your cringy ass.”

“Bubby and I have! Why do you ask?”

“Oh, well if you guys want I could make you guys sandwiches or something?”

“Gordon. I’m full.”

“I… I would love some sandwiches!”

“Better make it peanut butter and jelly bro.”

“I don’t need your handouts. Besides, Harold and I should get going. The kitchen isn’t going to set itself on fire!”

“Quiet right Bubby!”

“Wait what?!”

“You heard us.”

“Well we should be going! Goodbye Gordon!” The two turn and leave without another word.

I stand there in shock, and horror, and dread for what the inside of my house looks like after letting them be there unattended for weeks. I quickly move to look over my almost sleeping son, he grumbles in response.

He looks okay. I hope he’s okay.

“So uh, those sandwiches aren’t gonna make themselves Feetmen.”

Right, right. “Okay, yeah. Let me get Joshua to bed first.”

I enter the house first, Tommy, Benrey, and Sunkist follow me. Luckily the house looked fine, so far. It soothed my anxiety a little bit.

My house was a two story. It had three bedrooms, one was mine, one was Joshua’s, and one was a guest bed that my brother used whenever he visited. It also had two bathrooms and a single garage. Joshua’s and mine bedrooms where upstairs, and the guest bedroom was on the main floor.

“Make yourselves at home, I’ll be back in a second. Oh, and take off your shoes before going on the carpet.”

I kick off my shoes then promptly head upstairs and to Joshua’s room. The poor kid was already nodding off in my arms. It was cute. Gently I tucked him into bed.

“Daddy…” He yawned, looking at me.

“Yes Joshie?”

“Can you sing me a song?”

I pause, before smiling. “Of course I can buddy.” I sit on the foot of Joshua’s bed, and smile at him. I already knew what song I wanted to sing, it seemed fitting, after everything that had happened.

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are gray_

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_ ”

I see Joshua smile at me as I sing, hugging his pillow close as I continued.

“ _The other night dear, as I lay sleepin'_

_I dreamed, I held you by my side_

_When I awoke dear, I was mistaken_

_And I hung my head and I cry_

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are gray_

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_ ”

When I look back at Joshua he is fast asleep. I feel myself smile. Getting up from the bed I walk over and give him a kiss on the head.

“Sleep tight Joshie.” I then turn and leave the room, gently closing the door behind me.

“You have a wonderful voice mister Freeman!”

I flinch and turned my head, and there stood Tommy and Benrey.

“You guys have got to stop scaring me!”

“Huh… didn’t know Feetmen could sing. Feetmen, more like… uh… Singmen.”

“Dude! You sing like, all the time??? Why are you mocking me for it?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Wait what?”

“Huh?”

I sigh, running a hand threw my hair. “… Do you guys still want those sandwiches?”

Tommy nodded ecstatically, “yes please! Oh! And Sunkist would like a peanut butter sandwich!”

“Ok? Uh… Sunkist wants peanut butter. Benrey you still want peanut butter and jelly, right?”

“Whu? Oh yeah, definitely.”

“Great. What do you want Tommy?”

“P-Peanut butter and banana please!”

“… okay! Good thing I have lots of peanut butter then.” I walk pass Tommy and Benrey, heading downstairs and into the kitchen.

I get the banana’s out of the fruit bowl first, then I get out the peanut butter and jelly, then bread. I make sure I get out four plates. One for me, one for Benrey, one for Tommy, and one for… Sunkist. Speaking of the giant golden retriever, the dog walks into my kitchen and lays down next to me.

I know that it’s watching me.

I don’t know if I should be afraid or not.

It only takes a few minuets to make the sandwiches. Since I already had it out, I also got myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I can hear Tommy and Benrey in my living room and decide to just bring them their plates. But first…

“Here you go Sunkist.” I place the plate with the peanut butter sandwich by the large dog, before grabbing Tommy and Benrey’s plate and walking to the living room. I hand each person their respective plate.

“Thank you, mister Freeman!”

“Epic.”

I simply nod and head back into the kitchen to get my own plate. When I enter the kitchen I notice that both the sandwich I gave Sunkist, and the plate it was on, are gone.

“.. Uh, Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“I… I think Sunkist just ate my plate?!”

“Oh! That’s okay mister Freeman!”

“What do you mean its okay??? Don’t we need to get them to a vet?!”

“Nah bro, Sunkist is to high lever for that shit to have an effect.”

“Yeah!”

“Uh…” I glance over at Sunkist, the dog… looks fine? “Alright. I guess???”

I grab my plate and head back to the living room. Both Tommy and Benrey are both ends of the couch, leaving only the middle cushion. I opted to sit in the loveseat next to the couch instead. Benrey looks… almost disappointed as I did so.

Weird.

“So how are you feeling mister Freeman?”

“Eh. Could be better.” I shrug before taking a bite of my sandwich.

“Do you know how long until your fully recovered?”

“Yeah, the doctor said around… three months? So long as I don’t push myself to hard or anything.”

“Oh well that’s good!”

“Yeah, I’ll just have to see how long Black Mesa is willing to give me off, can’t risk much paid leave with these new medical expenses.” I sigh and rub the back of my neck.

“W… We could always help!”

“Thank you for offering Tommy, but no. You guys have already done more than enough! I couldn’t ask that of you.”

Tommy looks away for a moment. He… He looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t. After his momentary pause he just goes back to eating his sandwich. Benrey had already finished his and was slouching in my couch.

“Bro, I noticed you got a Switch? Could uh… could a friend use it for a bit?”

“I… sure Benrey. I did say make yourself at home.”

“Awesome.” He got up from the couch and began to look threw my collection of games. “Any of you wanna play Mario Kart?” He asked, pulling the game off the shelf.

I glanced at the clock, “I can’t. Gotta take another round of medication… you two can go ahead though.”

“Sure Benrey!” Tommy took the controller from Benrey and the two quickly got to racing.

I headed back into the kitchen to take my pain killers with a glass of water. Sunkist sat up as I entered the room, but I was too focused on getting my medication to notice. The dog walked up from behind me, and before I could respond I felt the animal lick me, then nuzzle its head under my hand. I glanced down at it, before gently petting it.

The dog’s eyes closed as I did so, and I felt the large creature lean into me. I let out a soft wheeze at the sudden weight. Somehow the massive dog now had me awkwardly pressed against itself and my counter.

Huh.

My hand just continued to pet it as I awkwardly stood there, the pressure didn’t increase, but it didn’t go away either. The dog gave me one last lick, before trotting out of the kitchen. I assumed it left to go be with Tommy. Guess Sunkist just wanted some attention?

Whatever. Now that I’ve taken my medication, I return to the living room. Tommy and Benrey are still racing as Sunkist sits next to the couch by Tommy. I reclaim the loveseat and watch the two of them race.

As Tommy and Benrey raced on rainbow road, I somehow fell asleep. My head is propped up by my elbow, I am leaning into the loveseat, and my glasses are still on.

At some point the two must have noticed, because when I wake up I have a blanket over my lap and my glasses are on the coffee table. Benrey, Tommy, and Sunkist all must have gone home. The switch is put away and I don’t hear anyone else. Ah well, I got to start dinner anyways.

Joshua can get grumpy when he’s hungry.


	4. Nap Time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a fun nonsensical morning with Gordon, Joshua, Benrey, Dr. Coomer, and Bubby. Along with a weird phone call before breakfast. So just a normal Tuesday really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments! They really help with my motivation to continue this story. I have ideas but not a full on plan, so thing may change as we go along. Still, thank you all so much for the support!

Joshua was playing with some cowboy dolls in the living room and I had just began making pancakes for breakfast when the phone rang. Odd, I wasn’t expecting anyone to call. I put down the batter I had made and walked over to the phone.

“Hello?”

“Ah… Dr. Freeman…”

“Who is this?”

“My name is… not of importance. It was been brought to my attention that… well… someone I deeply care about is… concerned… About you.”

“Look whatever you want—”

“Mister Freeman, this is not… about what I… want. He has insisted that… I ensure your recovery is as… painless as possible. So… I am calling to inform you that… Black Mesa will be giving you three months… off… of work. Paid leave.”

“H… Holy shit… thank you?”

“You are… very welcome.” I hear the phone click as the man on the other side hangs up.

Slowly I put the phone down, three months off. That’s... odd. I’ve only worked at Black Mesa for a month, it be easier to just fire and replace me. Who managed to make that happen?!

I return to my pancake batter; I still need to make Joshua breakfast. Speaking of Joshua, I hear the little guy enter the room.

“Daddy?”

“Yes Joshua?” I turn to look at him.

“Can I have a popsicle?”

“What? No. Joshua you haven’t even had breakfast yet!”

“I want popsicle!”

“Joshie, no.”

He stomps his little feet on the ground and huffs. I turn back to the pancakes. “If you behave, you can have a popsicle later.”

That seemed to end his little tantrum, for now. Pancakes didn’t take long to finish. I helped Joshua into his highchair, cut his pancakes into little pieces, then give him his plate. I sit next to him as I eat my own pancakes.

Our breakfast was interrupted by a knock on the door. “I’ll be back Joshie.”

I stand up and make my way over to the front door. I’m still dressed in my pajamas since its still early in the morning. Specifically, I’m wearing an orange t-shirt with fuzzy black flannel pants and black slippers.

When I open the door I see a familiar face.

“Benrey. What are you doing here?”

“Huh. Oh uh… visiting the homies.”

“Dude. I’m not in the hospital anymore. You don’t need to visit me.”

“Nah, I still do bro. You uh… you might steal something.”

“What could I steal?!”

Benrey only shrugged in response, “you gonna let me in bro?”

“Why???”

“I’m visiting you.”

I sigh. “You’re not going away, are you?”

“Yeah uh, no.”

I sigh and open the door to let him in. “Don’t break anything,” I say as he walks pass me.

Benrey wore his Black Mesa security helmet, a grey sweater with ‘gamer girl’ written on it, baggy black pants, and sneakers. I roll my eyes and close the door behind him. My feet then carry me over to the kitchen and I lift Joshua out of his highchair.

“Seems like daddy has a… co-worker over. Is that okay Joshie?”

My son nods, “popsicle!”

“No Joshua. Not yet.”

I notice Benrey staring at me from the kitchen doorway. “Do you need something?”

“You got a permit for that?”

“… for my son?!”

“Yup.”

“No. I don’t? I have his birth certificate??”

“I’m gonna need to see that then.”

“What? No!”

“Huh?”

“Benrey.”

“Yeah?”

“I will throw you out of this house. I swear to—”

“Bro. You said no uh… no swearing. Infront of Gordon Jr.”

“His name is Joshua.”

“Feetmen two. Electric boogaloo.”

“Dude, do you want something? Or are you just here to bother me?”

“I already told you bro. I’m uh… I’m visiting.”

“And I already told you I’m not in the hospital anymore! You don’t need to visit me anymore!”

“Huh?”

I was pulled out of my argument with Benrey by my son tugging on my shirt.

“Daddy! I wanna go to the park!!!”

“The park huh?”

“Yeah!!!”

“Well… alright, we need to get dressed first.” I turn to Benrey “feel free to leave if you want. But if you plan on joining us just… just wait by the front door.”

“Epic.”

I sigh and carry Joshua to his room. After closing the door, I help my son get dressed. He insisted on wearing his cowboy outfit. The outfit is made up of blue jeans, a brown belt, a red flannel shirt, a red bandana, and a brown cowboy hat. It’s Joshua’s favorite.

“Okay Joshie, go brush your teeth while daddy gets dressed.” He nods and runs to the bathroom. I head over to my bedroom to get dressed as well. I decide on just a simple black button up and some jeans, no need to be fancy. We are only going to the park.

As I head downstairs, I hear Benrey’s sweet voice and Joshua giggling. I peak into the room to see whats going on. The sweet voice is green to blue, I think Tommy told me what it means but I have already forgotten. Whatever. Joshua looks live he’s loving the colors; he’s hopping around and trying to catch the bubbles of sweet voice.

“Having fun Joshie?” I ask as I enter the room.

He nods quickly, holding a green ball of sweet voice in his hands. I laugh.

“Okay buddy, are you gonna get your cowboy boots on?”

“Yeah!” He lets go of the sweet voice and quickly begins to slid on his boots. He managed to get them on himself and I smile proudly, slipping on my own sneakers in the process. Benrey already has his shoes on, blue sneakers.

I check my pockets before we head out, just need to make sure I have my keys and my phone on me. Once I’m sure I do I open the front door. Joshua runs out and Benrey follows, I close and lock the door behind us, and we begin walking to the nearby park.

It’s a nice, sunny morning. I can already hear the sounds of other kids laughing as we approach the playground. Joshua quickly runs ahead, I know where he’s headed, straight for the slide.

I can’t help but smile. It’s too nice of a day not to.

Watching Joshua play on the slide was almost enough of a distraction to let me ignore Benrey’s constant staring. Almost. I still feel his yellow eyes watching me. Before I can question why he’s staring, he spoke up.

“Bro… your hairs down.”

“Yeah?”

“… it’s nice.” He shrugged.

I blinked, staring at him. I had decided not to put my hair up because we were only going to the park, but the comment caught me off guard.

“… I think that’s the first time you’ve ever actually complemented me.”

Benrey finally looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. Before he can respond though another voice interrupts our conversation.

“Ah! Hello Gordon.”

I turn my head and see Dr. Coomer and Bubby walking over.

“Hey Dr. Coomer, hey Dr. Bubby.”

“Sup” Benrey nodded to them.

“What are you doing here Gordon?” Coomer asks once he finished walking over.

“Joshua wanted to go to the park, he’s over there, on the slide.”

“What the fuck is he wearing?” Bubby folded his arms as he asked.

I sighed. “Joshie really, really likes cowboys. It’s his favorite outfit… I think John got it for him.”

“A cowboy is an animal herder who tends cattle on ranches in North America, traditionally on horseback, and often performs a multitude of other ranch-related tasks. The historic American cowboy of the late nineteenth century arose from the vaquero traditions of northern Mexico and became a figure of special significance and legend. A subtype, called a wrangler, specifically tends the horses used to work cattle. In addition to ranch work, some cowboys work for or participate in rodeos. Cowgirls, first defined as such in the late nineteenth century, had a less-well documented historical role, but in the modern world work at identical tasks and have obtained considerable respect for their achievements. Cattle handlers in many other parts of the world, particularly South America and Australia, perform work similar to the cowboy. The cowboy has deep historic roots tracing back to Spain and the earliest European settlers of the Americas. Over the centuries, differences in terrain and climate, and the influence of cattle-handling traditions from multiple cultures, created several distinct styles of equipment, clothing and animal handling. As the ever-practical cowboy adapted to the modern world, his equipment and techniques also adapted, though many classic traditions are preserved.”

We all went silent and listened as Coomer spoke, well… I more so watched Joshua and only half listened to him. Bubby was clearly paying attention though, and I assumed Benrey was still watching me. I could practically feel his gaze.

“Thank you Dr. Coomer?”

“Your welcome Gordon!” I didn’t need to look at him to know he was smiling brightly.

“So what are you guys doing here?” I asked, turning to look at them.

“Bubby and I wanted to visit you!”

“It was Harold’s idea.”

“No.”

“Yes it was—”

“It was professor Bubby’s idea first.”

“Doctor.”

“Professor.”

“Doctor!”

I watched the two of them bicker for a moment before interrupting. “W… why did you guys wanna visit?”

“You only just recently got out of the hospital! We wanted to check up on you!”

“… Guys, that’s really nice of you all. But I’m okay now, really! You don’t need to visit me.”

“Last time you said you’re okay you were hiding the fact you just escaped an abusive relationship!” Bubby grumbled, glaring at me.

“Tommy told us that you said it still be three months till your fully healed Gordon!”

I run a hand threw my brown hair as Coomer and Bubby spoke. “I… yeah. I am still recovering, but you guys don’t have to visit anymore. I… I don’t want to waste anymore of your time.”

“… Well that’s fucking stupid.”

“How is it stupid??”

“We want to visit you, idiot. It’s not a waste if we choose to visit you!”

“Oh…”

“Bubby is right Gordon!” Coomer smiles at me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “We care about you! We want to visit and see how you’re doing!”

“It’s what bros do Cringmen.” Benrey said, still staring at me.

I pull away from Coomer and rub the back of my neck, I really don’t know what to say. Coomer just continues to smile at me, Benrey continues to stare, and Bubby turns to the playground. I also look over to the playground, it looks like Joshua started playing with a group of kids. They seem to be playing tag. He looks really happy but is struggling to keep his cowboy hat on as he runs around.

I feel myself smile, its good that Joshua can make friends. He is a very social kid. Joshua notices me watching him and waves, a big smile on his face. I wave back, laughing a little.

“… Hey wait a second. I uh, I got a weird phone call today.” I turn back to Coomer, Bubby, and Benrey, “some guy, I don’t know his name but… he said I was going to get three months off work. Did… did one of you guys make that happen?”

“No!” Coomer smiles.

Bubby shakes his head.

“Nah. Cringe.”

“Then who…” I pause in thought, there was only one other person I could think of. “Did… Did Tommy make that happen?”

They all shrugged in response. I… I may have to call him and ask.

My attention is once again pulled away by Joshua, I see him running up to me, holding onto his cowboy hat as he runs.

“Daddy! Daddy!”

“Yes Joshie?” I knelt to his level.

“I’m hungry!”

I laugh, “okay guess its home time then.” I pick Joshua up and hug him close. “Do… do you guys want to come over for lunch? I was planning on making some pasta.”

“Gordon, I would love to!”

“Your cooking better not be shit.”

“Top ten Cookmen moments.”

“What does that even… whatever.” I turn heel and begin to walk home.

“What pasta do you plan on making Gordon?”

“Fettuccine alfredo, my brother shared with me a really good recipe.”

“Fettuccine Alfredo, or fettuccine al burro, is an Italian pasta dish of fresh fettuccine tossed with butter and Parmesan cheese. As the cheese melts, it emulsifies the liquids to form a smooth and rich sauce coating the pasta. The dish is named after Alfredo di Lelio, who featured the dish at his restaurant in Rome in the early- to mid-twentieth century; the ceremony of preparing it tableside was an integral part of the dish. The dish became widespread and eventually spread to the United States, where it remains popular. The recipe has evolved, and its commercialized version—with heavy cream and other ingredients—is now ubiquitous. In the U.S., it is often served as a main course, sometimes garnished with chicken or other ingredients. In Italy, meanwhile, fettuccine al burro is generally considered home cooking, in contrast to fettuccine Alfredo, a very rich version of the dish.”

By the time Coomer finished another Wikipedia article, we made it back to my place. I kicked off my shoes, helped Joshua get his boots off, then put the kid down. He quickly ran back to his cowboy dolls and began to play.

“Make yourselves at home, I’m gonna go start lunch.”

“Can I use your switch bro?”

“Sure, I guess.” I shrug and walk to the kitchen, giving Joshua’s head a pat as I walk past.

“Poggers.”

I begin to get out every I need, as I do so I can hear the other three men in the living room. It was odd. Usually I only hear Joshua playing with his dolls, but today, today I hear Joshua telling Coomer all about his dolls. He had come up with a massive story for each of his dolls, and was happily explaining it all to Dr. Coomer.

He really was a creative kid.

I also hear Benrey and Bubby making use of my switch. Once again the familiar sound of Mario Kart fills my living room, that and the two bickering back and forth.

“Get rekt!”

“You are a fucking bastard with your stupid fucking red—”

“No swearing around Joshua!” I call to them as I continue working on lunch.

The response I get is Benrey laughing and Bubby angerly grumbling. I chuckle a little myself. I guess having your co-workers visit on your days off isn’t such a bad thing.

Soon enough all of us where seated at my kitchen table, eating the fettuccine alfredo I had made. Well I was more so watching Joshua eat his and that he didn’t ruin his cowboy outfit. The poor kid was clearly slowing down, it was almost his nap time. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Getting tired buddy?”

He gave me a slow nod as he ate more pasta, causing me to laugh again. 

“Ah! I forgot it was also Joshua’s nap time!” Coomer smiled fondly at my son.

“Yeah, it is.”

“He better not fall asleep in his pasta.” Bubby voice was its usual tone, but he wore a soft smile on his face.

Huh. Maybe my co-workers just liked Joshua? That’s why they wanted to visit? He was always a social kid and watching a kid for two weeks can easily make someone attached. That would make sense… for everyone but Benrey. Benrey didn’t watch Joshua once, and has only seen him when the others brought him to the hospital.

Whatever, the dude was an anomaly anyway.

Once Joshua finished his pasta, I wiped his face clean with a napkin before lifting him out of his highchair and placing him on the ground.

“Is it naptime Joshie?”

He nods tiredly, one of his small hands holding mine. I smile more as I begin to lead him upstairs and to the bedroom. Once inside I help him into some pajamas and tuck him into bed. I run a hand threw his hair as I sit on the foot of his bed.

“Sleep tight Joshie.”

He was out like a light, seems his time at the playground tired him right out. After a moment I got up and left his room, closing the door behind me.

“Cringe. No nap-time song?”

I flinch before turning heel to face Benrey, “dude! Stop scaring me!”

“Nah.”

“What do you want?”

“Nap time song dude, gotta… gotta sing the homies goodnight.”

“… what???”

“You did say it was naptime Gordon!” Came a voice from behind me, causing me to flinch and turn heel once more.

“Stop. Stop doing that!”

“Hello Gordon!”

“… hello Dr. Coomer.” I sigh.

“It’s naptime. Why you still up, bro?”

“Dude! It is naptime for Joshua! I’m an adult! I don’t need a nap.”

“Everyone needs a good nap Gordon!”

“Fail Singmen moments.”

I sigh, before I begin hearing Bubby coming up the stairs. Thank god, maybe he can end this madness.

“Shut the fuck—what are you all on about?”

“It is naptime!” Coomer smiles to Bubby.

“Oh okay, Gordon we’re taking your couch.” Well, I guess not.

“Why?! Can’t you guys just nap at your own house??”

“Yes!” Coomer then takes Bubby’s hand and turns heel. Heading back downstairs to apparently nap on my couch. I am… so lost right now.

“Naptime at Feetmens! Woo!”

“… fine. Fine! I guess you can nap in the guest room.” I turn back around to face Benrey.

“What? Feetmen doesn’t wanna share a bed? Doesn’t uh… wanna cuddle up with the homies?”

“… no. No I really don’t.”

“Dosen’t wanna kiss the homies goodnight?”

“No! I don’t!”

“Cringe.”

“Ugh just… I’ll show you where the fucking guest bedroom is.” I turn heel and walk downstairs. I notice Coomer and Bubby cuddled up on my couch, Bubby is running his fingers through Coomer’s hair. It’s a sweet scene, but I feel like I shouldn’t be seeing it.

So I look away, continuing my walk to the guest bedroom. I open the door for Benrey “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Benrey looks at Coomer and Bubby, before looking at me. He looks like he’s about to say something, but his sweet voice interrupts him. Pink notes force there way out of his mouth and he quickly blush spread on his face. He then turns into the bedroom and closes the door after himself.

I wonder what that means.

Whatever.

I glance at the clock, time for more painkillers. I walk over to my kitchen and take my medication. Then I feel myself yawn, shesh, guess all this nap talk has me tired too. Well… a nap wouldn’t kill me. Plus, I don’t have anything better to do.

So with a shrug I make my way back upstairs and to my bedroom. Once in said bedroom, I remove my black button up and throw it in the hamper, then promptly throw myself into my bed. Boy it sure is comfy.

I fall asleep in no time. Seems Dr. Coomer was right, everyone needs a good nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tumblr if anyone is interested, I mostly just reblog things I like / find funny. Sometimes I post art. If anyone is interested its epicaandk-creative.


	5. Elecrtic Blue Means I Will Protect You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordons still working on recovery, the science team works on weekdays so that when Gordon gets a break from all the crazy... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nightmare scene starting at 'suddenly, I’m back in the locker room' and ending at 'someone shakes me, they hold my arms with a firm grip'.

The science team, as they decided to call themselves, could only really visit during the weekend. They are, or at least should be, at work during the week. It gave me the week off from their constant, crazy nonsense.

Joshua was napping right now, so I was alone in my living room. I was trying to read but something was bothering me… well a few things where. First, I owed whoever managed to get me three months off a giant favor. Seriously, that couldn’t not have been easy.

I had texted Tommy earlier, asking if it was him who managed to get me the three months off. His response was simple.

“No mister Freeman 😊”

I had a feeling he could be lying but… Tommy didn’t seem like the kind of person to lie?

The other thing that was bothering me though, was a bit more important. I had heard nothing about Amanda. At this point it had been a few weeks. Yet, there had been no phone calls, no trail date, nothing on the news.

Nothing.

It was starting to bother me, maybe John knew something? I grabbed my cell phone and began texting him.

“Can I ask you something?”

There was a pause, but soon my phone dinged with a notification.

“Sure whats up?”

“Have you heard anything about Amanda?”

“Nope. I thought you would have.”

“Dude, I haven’t been told anything??? I’m kind of freaking out?”

I stare nervously at my phone as I wait for a response. I feel sick to my stomach as I think about Amanda. She always left a bad taste in my mouth, often a mix of alcohol and lipstick.

“I wouldn’t worry about it.” John finally responded.

“Why not???”

“If there was an issue, they would of told you dude. You do work in a big military base. They probably don’t want word getting out that some lady broke into a military led research facility, stole a gun, and threatened two scientists before anything was done.”

I stare at my phone. That made some sense, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

“Do you think that’s why they gave me three months off? Was it a warning not to tell anyone?”

“Maybe.”

I sigh and put my phone down, well that could make sense. Give the new guy time off in return for keeping quiet. Make sure the media doesn’t hear about the failure that was Black Mesa security. Yeah… yeah maybe that’s it.

Didn’t make me feel any better.

The day progressed as usual. Play with Joshua, watch tv, make dinner, get ready for bed, sing Joshua to sleep, and head to bed myself. Only issue is sleep had not been coming easy to me since… well since the incident. I stared at the ceiling and slowly blink. I can’t just lay here all night I gotta at least try and sleep.

With a huff I remove my glasses and roll onto my side, closing my eyes. It took a bit, but eventually I did manage to fall asleep.

Suddenly, I’m back in the locker room.

But it’s different, wrong.

It seems to stretch out into a hallway, the walls lined with indistinguishable names on an endless number of lockers. Paperwork is spread all over the floors. Lights flicker and blood leaks out of the lockers.

I am running, I don’t know why but I am. Every part of my body screams at me to keep going. I had to get out of here. I had to go home. I had to get Joshua.

It wasn’t safe anymore.

I slid on some of the paperwork, stumbling, but not falling. I hear a familiar voice ringing in my head. Its feminine, soft, and cold. I can’t make out her words, but it doesn’t matter. If she catches up, I’m dead.

My lungs hurt; I don’t know how long I’ve been running but I am struggling to stand up. I can’t slow down. I can’t I can’t I can’t!

Eventually I slip on some paperwork mixed with blood. I hit the ground with a graceless crash. I turn around and look up, coming face to face with Amanda. She holds the standard issue Black Mesa pistol to me head. I know her expression well. Rage, disgust, same face she’d give me as she threw things at me or found out I muddled with her trackers.

I scream and begin trying to move away, tears pouring from my face. I don’t want to see her, I don’t want to be forced to stare into her harsh blue eyes and feel her judgmental gaze. I hear the gun click as she turned off the safety, and I prepare to feel a bullet in my brain.

My last thoughts are on Joshua, the poor future he held in the grasp of Amanda.

Someone shakes me, they hold my arms with a firm grip as they do so. It’s dark, but I can see their distinctive yellow eyes burning into me.

“Bro. Its… its just a dream bro. You gotta wake up!”

I blink, trying to steady my breathing. My hands are shaking and I’m sweating. God I must look awful, I certainly feel awful.

“That’s it bro, just gotta uh… breath.”

I nod, taking deep breaths in and out, in and out. I begin to recite something in my head, to ground me in the present.

My name is Gordon Freeman, I am an MIT graduate with a Ph.D. in theoretical physics, age twenty-seven. I am a single father. My son, Joshua Freeman, is three, and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Currently, I am in my house, in my bed. It’s late, the room is dark and… and I’m not alone.

My brown and green eyes slowly shift to look into the yellow eyes of the figure before me. They are sat on my bed, on top of me, still holding me by my arms. There hands are freezing, unnaturally cold. Its almost to dark to tell, but I can see them smiling.

I scream and try to shove the figure off, immediately one of there freezing hands is off my arm and grabbing my wrists. A stream of blue sweet voice leaves the figures lips and forces its way into my screaming mouth. I choke, swallow it, and feel the effects start.

“Calm down.” A monotone voice came from above me.

I feel myself relax and my breathing returned to normal. My head flopped onto the pillow and I sigh. Benrey still hasn’t let go of my wrists, he also hasn’t stopped staring at me.

“Benrey.”

“Sup.”

“What. The fuck.”

“Huh?”

“Why are you in my house?”

Benrey just shrugged, I groan in response.

“Benrey. I am serious. Why the fuck are you in my house.”

“Wanted to kiss the homies goodnight.”

“What?!”

“… Huh?”

“Can you at least let me go?” I tried to pull my wrists free of his grip, its strong but it doesn’t hurt. Benrey paused, watching me struggle.

“Feetmen doesn’t like holding hands? Cringe”

“This isn’t holding hands Benrey.”

He paused again, before letting go of my wrists. I bring them closer to my chest, rubbing them a little.

“… little uh, little baby man had a nightmare huh? Screaming with your uh… chicken hat?”

I grumble in response. “Can you get off me dude?”

“Whu?”

“Please get off me.”

He slowly did so, moving to lay next to me, I sigh and look to my nightstand. I grab my glasses and looks at the time. I can roughly make out the numbers, its 3:35am. I groan.

“How did you even get in my house dude??”

“Uh…” He trails off, looking away from me. “The window bro. You left it open.”

“Wh… which window?”

He only shrugged in response, still looking away from me.

“You should uh… go back to bed.”

“Why??”

“It’s late.” He turned back to me, his yellow eyes glowing in the dark, it makes me shiver.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep right now?”

“Nah. I’m not human.”

“So you’ve mentioned.” I groaned and moved to lay with my back to Benrey. “I’m to tired for this shit. I’ll deal with you in the morning.”

“Epic.”

I remove my glasses once more and close my eyes but… I don’t sleep. At lest not for a while. My mind is racing with thoughts. Thoughts about Amanda and everything that happened with her, thoughts about Benrey and how in the ever-living hell did he think it was okay to break into my house.

Eventually my own thinking led to my own exhaustion and I fall asleep. Luckily, there isn’t another nightmare, just darkness. Part of me knows that Benrey is still staring. Creepy bastard.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm, its seven am. Slowly my senses return to me, and I become aware of something cold wrapped around my waste and pressed against my back, I open my eyes and look down. My eyes are met with the sight of arms, dressed in the usual black mesa guard uniform, the man’s Kevlar vest digging into my back, his head buried into my neck.

I can feel him leaning into me, his breath washes over my neck it causes me to shiver. I feel my face flush at the realization. Benrey. Despite my blaring alarm, the anomaly seems to be fast asleep. I glance behind me as best I could and… yep. There he is. Still dressed in his guard uniform, helmet and all.

“Dude.” I grumble, trying to get his arms off my waste.

His only response is a snore and his frigid arms tightening their grip.

“Bro!” I only continue to try and pry his arms off. Jeez he has a strong grip. “I gotta get up!”

Once again, no response.

I groan, but don’t give up. It took a minute, but I managed to free myself from his death grip. I turn off the alarm and get my glasses on before getting out of bed. I glance back at him and feel myself blush more. He’s… kinda cute?

No. Nope. Repressing that thought. That bastard broke into my house to… what? Cuddle the homies?? Fuck that.

“I need a shower.” I grumble to myself. I grab my towel and some clothes and walk to the bathroom. A cold shower and coffee usually helps me wake up. I know Joshua is asleep right now, if he wasn’t he would of come and woke me up. Good. It gives me time to make breakfast.

So, I shower, I dry off, I get dressed in my orange sweater with some black pants, I brush my hair, put it up in its usual ponytail, trim my beard a little, then finally brush my teeth.

When I exit the bathroom I see that, yep, the guard is still passed out. He now has a death grip on my pillow.

Whatever.

I make my way downstairs and into my kitchen. First things first, I need to make myself a cup of coffee. I set up my coffee maker and begin waiting for it to brew. As its brewing I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, its to heavy sounding to be Joshua.

“Morning asshole.”

“BBBBBBBBBB” is the response I get, I flinch and turn to face him.

“Dude! What the fuck??”

He just laughs, I blink before a sigh and laugh escapes me as well. Benrey looks awful, his work uniform is all crumpled form being slept in, and I can see his long black hair sticking out at odd ends from under the helmet.

“You look like shit.”

“Nah bro.”

“Yeah, sure.” I roll my eyes and begins to get a cup out. “Do you want any coffee?” He nods and I grab another cup.

Once the coffee is done brewing, I fill both cups, “do you want any milk or sugar in your coffee?”

“Yeah, need that gamer fuel.”

I sigh and hand him the small sugar container and his cup of coffee. “Milk is in the fridge.”

He just gets to preparing his coffee, and I work on drinking mine. I have it black in the mornings, I need the wake-up call if I’m going to handle a three-year-old. So now Benrey and I where both in my kitchen, drinking coffee at around seven am.

“I’m gonna make some eggs and toast for breakfast, do you want any?” I turn to look at Benrey.

He glances down at his coffee before nodding. “No eggs though, just toast.”

“Alright.” I shrug, finish my coffee, and get to work on breakfast. Benrey finishes his coffee as well, I expect him to go play my switch again or something, but instead he’s just… back to staring.

“Do you need something?”

“Nah.”

“… Why are you here?”

“Huh?”

“You… you break into my house at like… three in the morning. And for what?”

“I didn’t break anything bro.”

“Not. Not the fucking point. Why are you here??”

“To visit.”

“To visit?” I repeat, staring at him with confusion.

“Yup.”

“At three in the fucking morning???”

He only nods, his expression has not changed.

“Why???”

He didn’t respond.

“Benrey. Why?”

Benrey looks away from me, his eyes are now locked onto the floor. “Failmen uh… probably needs someone to uh… protect him.”

“What—”

“Needs the homies to uh… to keep him safe. Him and his stupid chicken hat.”

“Benrey.”

“Probably… Probably needs loads of help cause uh… cause you’re so low-level dude.”

“Benrey.”

“Stupid Feetmen and his bad uh… his bad dreams and—”

“BENREY!”

He flinched when I yelled, his eyes flicked away from the floor and to me.

“Whu—”

“Dude. Look I… I really appreciate your visits. I do! But I’m not a fucking kid. I… I don’t need to be protected! I can take care of myself!”

Benrey continues to stare me, “but—”

“Benrey. I am twenty-seven! I don’t need you to… to fucking watch over me!”

Benrey didn’t move, he looked uncomfortable, tense. I adjust my glasses and return to making scrambled eggs.

Benrey’s eyes flicker between me and the floor, he looks like he wants to say something. His mouth opens and closes a few times, but he can’t seem to find the words. He seemed to give up after a moment, instead the sound of sweet voice began to fill the kitchen.

The color was a bright electric blue, and there was a lot of it. The orbs of gentle color floated above us, hovering like blue stars.

“… I don’t know what it means…”

Benrey finished singing, he looked at me but said nothing. We stood in the kitchen for a moment, he still said nothing and I had no clue on what to say.

Our momentary silence was cut off by the wondered gasp of a child.

“WOAH!!!”

I turn my head and see Joshua; he is admiring the electric blue orbs floating above us. He is still in his pajamas, ridden with bed head, and had the biggest smile. I smile at Joshua but have to turn back to breakfast to make sure nothing burns.

“Breakfast is in a minute Joshie.”

As I begin to get everyone’s food plated, I notice the sweet voice has finally begun to fade. It was nice while it lasted, and Joshua clearly loved it. I, meanwhile, still had no idea what it meant.

I cut up Joshua’s eggs and toast for him and get him into his highchair.

“Your toast is on the counter.” I say, getting myself seated at the table, next to Joshua.

“Cool.” Is all Benrey responds with. He walked past me and got his plate but didn’t join us at the table. Joshua was eating mostly on his own, it was cute but messy. I laughed at the mess he had made and stood up to get a napkin.

“I uh…” Benrey started, I glanced over at him. “I should get going…”

“Alright dude.”

He waved goodbye and left.

I got a napkin and worked on cleaning up Joshua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is EpicAandK-Creative if you wanna check it out, I mostly just reblog random stuff but sometimes I post my art and my writings.


	6. It Doesn’t Matter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day back at Black Mesa! What could possibly go wrong??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments! Its really helps with my motivation!

Three months spent in and out of hospitals. Three months spent making memories with Joshua. Three months spent with the science team rotating in and out of my house. Three whole months.

But now, now I was fully recovered. Today was going to be my first day back in Black Mesa. No more doctor visits, no more medication. I had woken up early because of both my nightmares and a desire to be ready.

The time off was nice though.

When Tommy came over, he always brought Sunkist. Joshua loved running around the park and backyard with the massive golden retriever.

Coomer and Bubby visits where always chaotic, but fun. Bubby’s bickering mixed surprisingly well with Coomer’s cheery nature, the two work well together.

Benrey was still just… Benrey. Sometimes he’d visit with the others, other times I’d find him on my switch at ungodly hours of the morning. Every time I would ask him what he was doing, and every time his only response was some electric blue sweet voice.

I hadn’t cared enough to ask Tommy.

I wanted to start today on a good note, so after my normal morning routine I drank my coffee and made pancakes. I woke Joshua up, had him eat breakfast, then helped him get dressed. Then he talked my ear off about his animal crossing island as we wait for his babysitter. I loved listing to Joshua talk on and on about things, even if I barely understood what he was saying.

Once his babysitter arrived, I left for work. Black Mesa was an hour drive outside of town. Most people who worked at Black Mesa lived in the small town nearby, it made for somewhat easier transportation without living inside the facility itself.

I shamelessly blasted Linkin Park from my stereo the entire drive. No one was in the car with me, so it didn’t matter, I could have some fun before work. I may or may not have been singing along.

An hour of Linkin Park and big open desert later I arrive at Black Mesa, I park my car and quickly notice a few things.

First, there has definitely been an increase in security, every employee is having their passport checked before even entering the building. Great.

Second, there is a man. He is standing just behind the line of security. Despite the fact I’m still sitting in my car, I can feel him staring at me. Despite his eyes being fixed solely on me, I can see that he’s talking with a security guard.

I don’t recognize him; he’s dressed in a blue suit and holding a briefcase. I watch as he adjusts his tie, nods to the guard, then turns heel and walks away… I don’t see where he went.

I feel kind of… sick? Being stared at by a stranger has put me a little on edge. Whatever. He… he probably wasn’t even staring at me anyway.

It doesn’t matter.

I begin making sure I have everything I need, since there doing security checks at the front door now. ID? Check. Wallet? Check. Phone? Check. Passport?

Passport?

…

Check.

Jeez that scared me.

I finally exit my car and was about to get in line for the security check when the guard that had been talking with the man in the suit approached me. It took me a minuet, but soon I recognize the guard.

“Hello Benrey.”

“Hey Feetmen. You uh, you got your passport?”

“Yeah.” I fold my arms, staring at him.

“I’m gonna need to see it bro.”

“Mm…” I glance at the line, before turning back to Benrey. “I think I need to be at the front of the line for security to check my passport buddy.”

“Nah. They’re gonna let you skip the line bro. Just gotta… uh… show me your passport.”

“… Wait really?”

“Yup.”

I pause, shrug, then hand him my passport. He looks it over before nodding and giving it back to me.

“Alright dude, follow me.”

“What, why?”

“I’m walking you to the tram bro.”

I tuck my passport into my pocket, before sighing and following Benrey. “Why are you walking me to the tram dude?”

“You might steal something.”

“When have I ever stolen anything?!”

He shrugged in response. Bastard.

Soon we make it to the tram station, I have to wait for it to arrive. Great. Seems I’m gonna be late, like always. Benrey is standing next to me, I assumed he was going to head back to the checkpoint but… apparently not.

“What? You have to wait for the tram with me too?”

“Yup.”

I sigh and cross my arms. “Are you gonna tell me why you keep showing up at my house late at night?”

He looks away, and once again electric blue sweet voice leaves his lips. I adjust my glasses and watch the colors.

“Dude, I still have no idea what that means.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Clearly it fucking does!” I throw my arms into the air to emphasize my point. “You do this shit all the time!”

“Whu?”

“If it doesn’t matter, why do you keep doing it?”

“Doing what?”

I rub the bridge of my nose in frustration. “The sweet voice dude!”

“Bro. I’m just standing here.”

“You are fucking insufferable.”

“I think you need to calm down.”

“DON’T—” before I even finish I’m hit with the calming blue sweet voice and I feel myself relax.

“Calm down please?”

“… fine. Fine. Whatever.” I turn away from him and pull out my phone. Might as well distract myself while I wait for the tram.

“Yo, you got games on that thing.” Just as he said it, he snatched my phone from my hand.

“Wh—HEY!” I quickly move to try and take it back.

“Dude, I’m just looking.” He begins scrolling threw the apps on my phone. I feel a familiar sense of dread. I never liked when people dug threw my shit, not when Amanda did it, and certainly not now.

“GIVE IT BACK ASSHOLE!” I didn’t mean to scream. I feel my hands shaking afterwards, a mix of rage and… and something else. I swear I can almost hear her retorts, her accusations of me having a mistress. I want to cry.

I shake my head, that’s in the past.

It doesn’t matter.

Benrey is staring at me, his eyes wide, I must have scared him. I hold my hand out for my phone. “I… I don’t like people looking threw my stuff. Give it back.” My voice is shaking.

Don’t cry Gordon, not now.

He handed me the phone and I shove it in my pocket and fold my arms. I don’t feel bad for snapping. Fucker shouldn’t have taken it in the first place.

The air is now filled with an awkward silence, I don’t look at Benrey, and I don’t feel his gaze on me. The silence is eventually filled by the tram arriving. I quickly get on and head for the back, taking a seat with a heavy sigh.

It took me a moment, but I notice that someone took a seat next to me. Benrey. Of fucking course.

“… What? Still following me?”

“Uh, yeah. Heading to the same floor as you, idiot.”

I sigh in response and look at the window.

Benrey is slouching in his seat, I don’t look at him, but I know what he’s doing. His eyes are flickering between me and the floor. Maybe he wants to apologize? Or, the more likely option, he’s thinking up some snarky comment.

“Are you good dude?” His eyes return to staring at me, he almost looks worried.

“Huh?”

“You uh… you look like your about to cry dude.”

I furrow my brows and look away, trying to blink away the tears.

Don’t cry Gordon.

Stop shaking.

It doesn’t matter.

God you’re such a baby.

Man up!

If not for yourself then for your fucking kid Gordon!

Get it together!

Your weak.

Hopeless.

Sweet voice begins to fill the cart. It’s a large variety of colors, all very soft and elegant. They drift around us and give off a gentle heat. I watch the colors for a moment, before removing my glasses and wiping away my tears.

I take deep breaths as I put my glasses back on and lean back in the seat. Watching the colors gently drift around us. When Benrey stops singing I look at him but… I don’t know what to say.

He ends up speaking first, “you good bro?”

I nod. “Y… yeah, I’m good.”

The look on his face implies that he doesn’t believe me. I just look away and try to make it look like I wasn’t just crying.

“Your uh... a little crybaby huh? Crybaby Feetmen. Cryman.”

I put my head in my hands and grip my hair. I can feel all the energy I had this morning being sucked away… whatever. I’ll just get a soda or something.

“Fuck off dude.”

“Does uh… does Feetmen need a kiss? A little smooch?”

“Fuck. Off.”

“A little kiss kiss? Make everything better?”

Correction, make it several cans of soda, I’m already fucking exhausted. I don’t lift my head to look at Benrey, I don’t think I have the energy to. So I decide to just focus on my breathing. Deep breath in, then out, in, then out.

Eventually I manage to lean back in my seat and look out the window of the tram. There isn’t much to see, some big machines moving boxes, some employees running around, it was a nice distraction from the anomaly next to me. Benrey had gone silent after a while of no responses. But he didn’t go away either. Still just… fucking staring.

The two of us sat in uncomfortable silence for the rest of the ride. I refused to take my green and brown eyes off the window, and he refused to move his yellow eyes off of me. When the tram finally stopped I let out a sigh, fucking finally.

I adjust my glasses and stood up, time to have a normal fucking day. I move over to the door and wait for the security guard on the other side to let us out. I continue to not look at Benrey, probably out of embarrassment and spite.

Finally, free from the cart, I wave to the guard and begin making my way inside.

Once I see the front desk I feel myself… tense. Its odd. I am suddenly hyper aware of all the nooks people could be hiding in, the long and winding hallways, the lack of available exits. Things I didn’t care about before that are now screaming at me.

Stop.

It doesn’t matter.

You’re over thinking it.

“Dude are you—” Benrey started talking.

“I’m fine.” I walk past him; I try and tune out everything. Just need to get in the swing of things again. Find a distraction. The paperwork I left behind should be a good start.

I hear footsteps running at me, but don’t have time to respond.

“HELLO GORDON!”

Suddenly I am pulled into a tight hug, I feel myself being lifted off the ground. A wheeze escapes me as his arms squeeze me. Ow.

“H-Hi Dr. Coomer.”

Soon Dr. Coomer let go of me, and I take deep breaths in response. “Ah, sorry Gordon! I forget how powerful my super arms can be!”

“I… its fine. Might just… need a med kit.” I’m still catching my breath as I speak.

“Crybaby Feetmen can’t handle a hug?” Benrey spoke from behind me.

I sigh in response. But I focus my attention to Dr. Coomer, he and my bruised ribs would make a good distraction.

I also hear two more sets of footsteps approaching, its Tommy and Bubby.

Tommy ran up to me and pulled me into another hug, it’s a lot less crushing then the hug Dr. Coomer gave me.

“Mister Freeman!”

“Hello Tommy, its good to see you.”

“Finally got you ass out of bed?” Bubby asks, standing next to Coomer.

“Yeah, because I definitely spent three months in bed.” I rolled my eyes.

“Figures.” He grumbles, before his tone softened slightly. “Its um… good to see you again.”

“… Its good to see you to Bubby.”

“Dr. Bubby.”

“Professor!” Dr. Coomer added, leaning on Bubby.

“Doctor!”

I laugh at their antics but wheeze a little as well. God my ribs hurt. Tommy notices and looks at me concerned.

“Does your um… gunshot wound hurt?”

“Oh no, Dr. Coomer just gave me a big hug.” I chuckle.

Coomer laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry Gordon. I get excited sometimes.”

“I’ll go get you a med kit mister Freeman! Why don’t you go wait by the vending machines? Sitting down a little should help with the pain!”

I nod “good idea Tommy. Plus, I could use a few sodas.”

I start walking to the side room with the vending machines, only to feel myself being lifted off the ground.

“H-Hey!”

I had assumed it be Dr. Coomer, but my eyes where met with Benrey instead. He had a smug smirk on his face. “Little baby man needs a hand?”

“What—no! Put me down!”

“Good idea Benrey!” Dr. Coomer said, smiling brightly as he lifts Bubby up and held the other scientist. Bubby just huffed; some blush spread on his face.

Despite my protests Benrey carried me to the side room with the vending machines and dropped me off in a nearby chair. I let out a little wheeze in response. Coomer had followed us, happily carrying Bubby bridal style.

“Was that really necessary dude?!”

Benrey only laughed in response, I sigh. I was a fool for thinking I could just have a normal first day back.

My attention is turned away from Benrey by Tommy running in, med kit in hand.

“I found it mister Freeman!”

“Thanks Tommy.”

The med kit definitely helped with the pain, thank god, I was afraid I’d have to go back to the hospital again.

“Yo Feetmen! You want any gamer fuel?” Benrey gestured to the soda machines.

“… You know what, yeah. Yeah I do.”

“Ooh! Soda party!” Tommy happily added.

Benrey nodded in response, he then got out two sodas and handed one to me. They where both mountain dew, of course. Tommy got himself a Sunkist. Coomer put down Bubby and got both of them some Dr. Pepper.

I crack open the can and began to drink, the others all stood around me. They where all talking and smiling. It was almost enough of a distraction to allow me to forget what happened the last time I was in Black Mesa.

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of being split in two, so the next chapter wont have a time jump. It will begin where this one ends.


	7. Clearly It Does

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon has a break down, Tommy and Sunkist help him out, then the whole group gets together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, this chapter does feature Gordon having a panic attack, with the story being mostly from his perspective I had to go into detail about it. It starts at 'I put a hand over my mouth and force myself to walk to the sink.' And ends at 'It’s definitely a dog.'

Despite the smiling faces around me, I still felt sick. My eyes often glanced at the doorway, waiting for her to appear. Black Mesa was full of good hiding spots, she could be anywhere.

No matter how many times I told myself she wasn’t here, that she couldn’t be, I didn’t feel better. I had no proof. Three months and I had heard nothing about Amanda. No trial date, no phone calls, no nothing. It scared me, what happened to her? Did they kill her? Did she escape?

I must have zoned out, because the next thing I know Tommy has a hand on my shoulder and is looking at me with concern.

“M-mister Freeman, are you alright?”

“Huh?” I answer dumbly, looking up at him. “Oh uh, yeah, I’m okay. Just… Just a little tired.”

The men around me all glance at one another, I look away and take a drink of soda.

“A… are you sure?” Tommy didn’t remove his hand from my shoulder.

I nod but don’t look at him, “yeah. Just gotta get back into the swing of things…” Keep telling yourself that Gordon, it will be true eventually.

Tommy slowly removes his hand, but still held a worried look on his face. They all looked worried. I hated it.

I didn’t need their pity.

“Well okay… you’ll let us know if…. If anything bothers you though! Right?” Tommy smiled at me.

I nod again and drink more soda. It was a lie, but it seemed to let Tommy relax. The group returned to their conversation. Benrey moved from standing to take a seat in the chair across from me.

“Does Feetmen need another nap?”

“No.”

“Need uh… a little nappy nap? Sleepmen?”

“I hate you.” I take a drink of soda.

“Meanman.”

I sigh and run a hand threw my hair. “Do you like… want something?”

“Huh?”

I roll my eyes before pulling my phone back out, maybe I should text John? He’s pretty good at helping me calm down.

“Bro, you never told me if you had games on that thing.”

“None of your fucking business.” That… came out harsher than I expected. I am still upset about him trying to take my phone though, so I’m not surprised.

“Gordon.” Coomer’s voice cut through the silence, “that was very rude.”

“That what pretty fucking rude.” Bubby added.

I look at them with shocked confusion. I’m being rude? Not the asshole who tried to take my phone?!

Fuck this.

Without a word I stood up and left, leaving behind a half empty can of mountain dew, I begin to march myself to the locker room. I hesitated for a moment at the door. Last time I entered this room I got shot.

I’ve had nightmares about this room for months.

But the sound of footsteps following me forces me through the door. Once inside I feel like I’m going to vomit. The locker room is completely clean. No blood stains, no messy paperwork all over the floor, no signs of the shooting. There also wasn’t anyone else in the room either, just like last time.

I put a hand over my mouth and force myself to walk to the sink. I’m shaking, I’m lightheaded, I’m a ball of confusing and terrifying emotions.

Its suddenly gotten harder to breath. My glasses are fogging up due to the tears streaming down my face. It’s to open, to bright, to loud. I want to curl up into a ball and disappear entirely. I attempt to lean against the sink to stop the dizziness but somehow miss it entirely.

I hit the floor with an ugly thud as I take deep gasps of air. I can’t breathe. I’m sobbing, hiccupping, and suffocating. I feel awful. I move a hand to grip my hair as I continue to gasp for air.

My head is pounding, my chest feels tight, I want to vomit. My mind is racing with thoughts, thoughts about how I’m pathetic, how I’m a terrible father, a terrible boyfriend, a terrible person. I can no longer see due to how fogged up my glasses are.

I haven’t had a panic attack in a while, normally I’d call someone, someone like John, but I can’t fucking see right now. Plus, my mind is to busy reminding me of how awful of a person I am, rather than giving me the common sense to call someone.

I barely register a presence next to me as my mind spirals into an endless void of self-hatred. But soon I feel it, a large weight on my chest. The weight is a surprise, but a welcomed one. Its grounding, comforting. I also feel something licking my hand, once again it’s a surprise but not something unwelcomed.

Slowly I regain control.

Its starts with my breathing, then the dizziness and nausea begins to fade, finally, I no longer feel like I’m dying. I still can’t see, due to the fog on my glasses, so I move my free hand to the weight on my chest. Its soft, warm, and breathing. Gently I ran my hand threw its fur as it continues to lick my other hand.

It’s definitely a dog. Though I can’t make out exactly what kind of dog it is, I can still the familiar yellow color of a golden retriever, its large size help me realize what dog this is.

“Hey Sunkist.” My voice is soft, scratchy from my sobbing.

“H… Hello mister Freeman.” Tommy’s voice was soft as well, he was clearly trying not to startle me. “Um… a-are you feeling better?”

I tried to look up at him but… glasses. I nod, still gently petting Sunkist.

“I’m sorry about… about the others. They can be overwhelming.”

I nod again. “Yeah… but it doesn’t matter.”

“Mister Freeman, it clearly does!”

“I just got a little overwhelmed, that’s all. I’m okay.”

“… Mister Freeman its okay to not be okay.”

I can’t see Tommy’s face, but I can hear the soft determination in his voice. I move my hand off Sunkist and to my glasses, I remove them so that I can vaguely make out my surroundings. I look up at Tommy, its hard to make out specific details but he is sitting next to me.

“I…” I run a hand threw my hair, feeling a sigh escape me. Tommy was right but… “I don’t want to make you guys worry.”

“Well… you worried all of us when you snapped at Benrey then… then ran away?”

I shift Sunkist off me and sit up, I use my button up shirt to start cleaning my glasses. I look away from Tommy as I do so.

“Mister Freeman why… why did you snap at Benrey?”

“… He took my phone.” I mumble my answer. “Earlier today, before we got on the tram.”

Tommy nods. “He… he isn’t great with uh… boundaries.”

“Yeah. I noticed.”

Tommy paused, “while… I don’t think you should of y-yelled at him… he shouldn’t of taken your phone either.”

I only nod in response, putting my glasses back on my face. I reach my hand over and give Sunkist a pat on the head.

“Thank you.”

Sunkist softly barks in response, the large dogs tail happily wagging.

“So Tommy, Sunkist is a service dog?”

“Yeah! Sunkist is the perfect dog!”

“… I’m so sorry Tommy.”

He looks at me confused. “Why?”

“When we first met… I was an ass. I… I called you a freak, I joked about you being five… I’m so sorry. You are… the most mature person I know.”

“It… it was pretty mean of you. But… But I forgive you. I hope we can be t-the best of friends in the future!”

“Friends huh…” I run a hand threw my hair, I don’t know if I was ready for friends but… but Tommy was the nicest person I knew. “Yeah, yeah. I’d like that.”

Tommy smiled brightly in response. “Would you like to spend the day with me and Sunkist? It… It should help make everything less overwhelming.”

I nod again, and he smiled even more. Tommy stood up and offered a hand to help me up. I take it and got up.

“Just uh… give me a minute Tommy.”

“Of course mister Freeman!”

I turn to the mirror and take a minuet to fix up my hair. A nice moment of quiet before I have to actually get to work.

Once I feel a bit better about my hair, I turn to look at Tommy. He smiles at me.

“Ready?” He asks.

I nod, “yeah. I think so.”

I follow Tommy out of the locker room. We spent the morning together, mostly just doing paperwork. It was nice, sometimes things are easier when you have someone there to help. Anytime I got to overwhelmed Tommy let us take a short break or Sunkist leaned against me to comfort me. I may not have believed Tommy before, but Sunkist was most definitely the perfect dog.

Eventually Tommy wanted to meet up with the others for lunch but… I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that… so I told Tommy I needed to call John and that I would meet up with him later. He waved goodbye and left without another word, Sunkist following behind him.

I pulled my phone back out of my pocket. I didn’t plan on actually calling John but… it wouldn’t be a bad idea. I debated it in my head before sighing and calling him.

“John Freeman speaking.”

“Hey dude, its uh… its Gordon.”

“Hey! Hows it going?”

I paused, “fine. How are you?”

“I’m good, the store is kinda empty right now.” John open and ran his own pizza shop with his boyfriend in Massachusetts.

“What? People don’t want pizza for lunch??”

I hear him laugh and I smile. “Yeah, apparently not… So Gordon.”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you call?”

I pause, “just… wanted to see how things were going.”

“Uh huh… its your first day back to work right?”

“Yeah?”

“So… you’re sure you’re not calling me as an excuse to avoid your co-workers?”

I feel myself tense a little “of course! … Maybe.”

I hear him sigh. “Gordon, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Go out there! Make some friends! Maybe go on a couple dates!”

“I… I can’t. Not with Joshua—”

“Don’t turn Joshua into an excuse. He has plenty of babysitters and I am always willing to fly over and watch him!”

“I-I know…”

“This self-isolation thing you do isn’t healthy. Just because one person hurt you doesn’t mean that everyone is out to get you.”

I run a hand threw my hair, he was right. I knew he was right but… it wasn’t that easy.

“Well uh, I should go. Thanks John.”

“Goodbye dude.”

I hung up and sighed, before taking a seat in a nearby chair. They all make it sound so easy, ‘just go make some friends Gordon’, yeah right. I don’t look up when I hear someone enter the room. I feel so… tired. Again. God and it was only noon.

“Hello Gordon!” I pause at the familiar voice, before looking up. There I see the whole science team. I instantly feel uncomfortable.

“Uh… hey guys?” I sat up a little in my seat.

Tommy smiles at me, “w-we wanted to… to tell you something!”

I nod, looking up at them with a confused look on my face. Tommy turned to the others and smiled.

“Gordon.” Coomer started, a soft, friendly smile on his face. “Bubby and I would like to apologize for calling you rude.”

Bubby nods and looks away, “it was… stupid of us to accuse of something without… knowing all the facts.”

I was surprised honestly; I didn’t think they needed to apologize let alone that they ever actually would. Before I can say anything, Tommy turns to Benrey.

“Do you w-want me to translate for you?”

Benrey wordlessly nods. After a quick pause of silence Benrey began to sing. The sweet voice started as a yellow and shifted into a blue. I watched the colored orbs hover above us.

Tommy smiles more, “yellow to blue means I didn't mean to upset you.”

Benrey paused his song for a moment, but when he returned to singing two new colors began to float above us, violet to blue.

“Violet to blue means I-I’m sorry I hurt you.”

The final notes of the song where two more colors, it started purple and shifted into cherry.

Tommy gave Benrey a nod before finishing his translation, “purple to cherry means… means I don’t know how to say sorry!”

Benrey nervously looked at the floor while I stared at up the massive amount of sweet voice above us. I… It was beautiful.

“I forgive you guys.” Time to swallow your pride Gordon. “And I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I snapped at you all and stormed out afterwards. That was… fucking stupid of me.”

Coomer smiles brightly, “we forgive you Gordon.”

Tommy looks between the group, his arms flapping excitedly. “W-we should do a group hug! Since where all friends again!!!”

I glanced down at my phone… maybe John was right. Maybe… maybe I did need some friends. “Sure, why not.” I shrug and stand up from my seat.

Tommy quickly pulled me into a hug, Coomer joins in the hug and pulls Bubby in as well. Benrey stands to the side, watching for a moment. I shift my arm and hold it out to him.

“Come on dude, group hug.”

He shuffled closer and joined the hug, slightly leaning against me. I wrap an arm over his shoulder. This was… this was nice.

“A hug is a form of endearment, universal in human communities, in which two or more people put their arms around the neck, back, or waist of one another and hold each other closely. If more than two people are involved, it may be referred to as a group hug. A group hug has been found to be a useful tool in group therapy to cement a sense of cohesion among the participants after a session, although it may cause discomfort for group members who shy away from physical contact.”

“We get it Harold.” Bubby sighed, before kissing Coomer’s head.

I can’t help but laugh a little. “Thank you Dr. Coomer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write. From Gordons panic attack to the ending I felt like I was struggling to write Gordon of all characters?? If he sounds a little ooc I'm sorry, I tried really hard. 
> 
> Also thank you to the people on the HLVRAI/HALF LIFE discord server who helped me find good sweet voice ideas for Benrey.


	8. My Name Is Amanda Pierce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter about a poor mother missing her family :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, just something catch up on what's been happening with our dearest Amanda.

My name is Amanda Pierce, I am currently unemployed, age thirty. I was hoping to be called Amanda Freeman soon, but it appears my ex is an idiot.

Gordon Freeman, the father of my child, is a fool. I don’t know why I settled for someone like him, but I can’t stand the idea that he was the one who got to walk away. He knew I had hoped to be married, I even showed him the engagement ring I wanted!

We would have had a big church wedding. He would have worn a black suit with a red tie and a red rose pinned to the front. I would have worn a big white dress and would have had a matching rose in my hair. Joshua could have been our little flower boy. Dressed in a suit to match his dad.

Wine would be served all threw out the evening. The food would have to be good, expensive. I’m sure daddy wouldn’t of mind covering it if needed. I think our honeymoon should have been somewhere nice, with warm sandy beaches. John could watch Joshua while we were away.

It would have been perfect.

But it seems like someone got cold feet. Coward. Instead of my fairy tale ending I get an idiot who doesn’t even let me see my fucking son. He even dared to call me a bad mom! He’s the bad parent, why can’t he clean up the mess?? I made this kid, I know whats best for him! And whats best is that they come home.

… It wasn’t my intention to shoot Gordon, I figured if I waved the pistol around that fucking idiot would come running. Instead he did what he always did. He fucked it up. Called his new boy toys in to assault his girlfriend.

I don’t feel bad for shooting him. None of this would be happening if he wasn’t a coward. He needs to man up, honestly!

Instead of our happily family reunion I get hauled out in handcuffs. Assholes. I expected to be taken to jail, and I would of used the phone to call daddy dearest. He would pay to have me out in no time.

I’m not put in a cop car though; they stick me in the back of some expensive black car. Before I can ask what the fuck is going on, something heavy hits me on the back of the head.

I don’t know how long its been, and I don’t know where I am. But I wake up in an interrogation room, my hands are cuffed and attached to the table. Currently I’m alone. But I can assume theres people beyond the one-way glass on the wall.

I slump in my chair. I feel nervous, this isn’t right, this isn’t normal. I can only assume a handful of minuets pass before a two people enter the room, a businessman and a soldier. The man is dressed in a black suit with black gloves on his hands, he’s holding a stack of papers.

Wordlessly he takes a seat across from me and I sit up in my seat. I decide to start speaking, not wanting to give him a chance.

“I want a phone call.”

“Miss Pierce, you will have you phone call. I wish to talk first.”

I raise an eyebrow, “what’s going on?”

“Miss Pierce you, without any formal training, managed to discover and sneak into a government funded research facility. While there you also managed to steal a gun and locate your… target.”

“I am a mother, trying to see her son. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to have my dear family back.”

“Right. Anyway.” The man looked threw his paperwork and I roll my eyes. He then slides me a piece of paper. “We believe, with the proper training, you could make a brilliant asset to our Black Ops division.”

I glance over the paper, it’s a contract. “… You want to give me a job?”

“It’s either this or rotting in a jail cell.”

“Hm…” I drum my fingers against the table, reading the contract over. The pay looks good, I’m sure daddy would love to hear I’d make something for myself, it would give me access to all sorts of goodies. “What about ‘Dr. Freeman’?” I roll my eyes as I say doctor.

“What about him?”

“He won’t let me visit my son; he won’t let me see him. I still want my kid; I still want my family back.”

“We can see what we can do. The most I can promise this time is monitored phone calls and occasional letters.”

“Nothing can be done about custody?”

“Not yet.”

“Hmm…” I glanced down at the contract again. “On one condition.”

“Yes?”

“Rough him up a little for me?”

“Dr. Freeman?”

“Just a little, I want him to miss me.”

The businessman turned to the soldier standing by the door. “Think you can take care of it Forzen?”

The soldier nods and turns to leave. The businessman hands me a pen and I get to work, signing the contract.

The man then released me from my handcuffs, “follow me and we can get you ready to start your training.”

I can see it now. Learning to use guns, training in stealth, infiltrating buildings, and more. It will be beautiful.

“Lovely. I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be longer, I promise.


	9. I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second day back at Black Mesa! What could possibly go wrong???
> 
> A lot of things. A lot of things go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet voice translations because theres a few of these in this chapter:  
> Teal to Green - heal beam  
> Blue to Red - rest your head it’s time for bed  
> Maroon - get better soon  
> Yellow to Azure - you are safe and secure

“Ah! Hello Gordon!”

I look up as I enter the locker room and instantly see Dr. Coomer smiling. I smile and give a small wave, “hey Dr. Coomer.”

“Another day another dollar! Am I right?”

I laugh a little, its only somewhat forced. “Yeah.”

Dr. Coomer gives a happy laugh before patting my shoulder, “it is good to have you back Gordon.”

I smile a little more. “Thanks Dr. Coomer.”

It was now my second day back at Black Mesa. They wanted me in the HEV suit, moving around some of the more hazardous materials Black Mesa had. I would have preferred not to do something like this on my second day back but… I won’t complain. Black Mesa gave me three months off, now I have to work hard and prove it wasn’t a waste.

I watched as Dr. Coomer left the locker room and I sigh. It’s quiet. Empty. My fear of Amanda hiding somewhere hadn’t left me. As far as I knew she had just… vanished. It’s unnerving. The fact that Black Mesa could just make someone disappear and no one cared was something I didn’t want to think about.

My feet carried me to the room where the HEV suits where stored. The only one remaining was my own. I walk over to it and begin to get the suit on. Its heavy, and hugs very tightly against my form.

Once its on, I walk myself out of the locker room and down to the lab. I can’t say I’m not relived to be out of that room, it still makes me uncomfortable. Black Mesa still makes me uncomfortable.

I didn’t see much of the science team. It must have been a busy day for us all.

Most of my day was spent moving things around. The HEV suit was needed to make sure I wasn’t in direct contact with any of the weird crystals we where moving. It was easy work for the most part, just tedious.

I was just moving the last big crystal into the storage room when I hear the door shut. It closed with a slam and I heard it lock.

“H-Hey—” I’m cut off by the room going dark. By dark I mean its pitch fucking black.

“Okay… funny joke guys. Turn the lights back on.”

A pause.

“Guys come on!”

Nothing.

“W… What the fuck is going on?!”

My answer comes in the form of something hitting me on the back of the head. I hit the ground with a thunk.

Luckily, I don’t get knocked out or lose my glasses.

The punch to the back of my head was followed by a kick to my side. I tumble back and let out a hiss of pain. I try to move away but feel something grab my hair. I scream and move a hand to my attackers’ arm.

My attacker sighed “don’t fight back. Won’t help.”

Before I can respond the attacker punched me again, and again, and again. I feel my glasses break. Great, not I need a new pair.

I drive my leg up and feel it connect with something, then I hear the other howl in pain. I take the opportunity to throw them off me.

“Fuck off asshole!” I growl.

He wheezed in pain. I force myself to stand, and then I kick him. “Asshole.” I sneer.

I begin walking forwards, trying to find the exit.

I don’t hear the man get up, but the next thing I know a hand is wrapped around my throat and I am pulled back to the ground. I struggle for air. Trying to pull his arm off my throat. He doesn’t budge.

So I move to elbow him in the gut.

He wheezes in pain; I repeat the process until he lets go. I can only imagine how much it hurts to be hit by the HEV suit. I try to move away again but he punches me before I can. I think I’m bleeding.

The attacker grabbed the front of my HEV suit and held me down, getting on top of me to continue punching me. I eventually manage to catch his arm before shoving him back.

He responds by grabbing that arm and pinning it down. I struggle against him.

“MOTHER FUCKER! LET GO!”

I hear the sound of a blade being drawn.

“I…” He was panting, fucker, “I warned you.”

The next thing I feel is the knife digging into my arm. I let out a blood curling scream. I desperately try and break free, but the bastard has me pinned down. It fucking hurts.

I eventually pass out from pain.

I don’t know how long I’m out.

I wake up to a melody. The room is still very dark. I turn my head towards the source of the song. I first see the notes. It’s sweet voice, a teal color shifting into a green. I can’t think right now, I’m in too much pain to.

The sweet voice looks to be wrapping around my hand… or where my hand used to be. It seems to be wrapping it up, like a bandage or cocoon.

I then continue to follow the sweet voice to its owner. The sweet voice gives a little bit of light, but not much. So my fear when seeing multiple sets of glowing, yellow, eyes is immediate. The creature is large, it has sharp teeth and many eyes on its head and all throughout its dark, flowing mane.

Fight or flight kicks in and I try to move away, a clawed hand reaches out and holds my now amputated arm down. I try to scream, and another clawed hand covers my mouth. It’s then that I notice this thing, whatever it is, has several sets of arms. All of them moving to keep me still.

It’s melody hasn’t stopped or changed, but all of its eyes have turned to look at me. I’m definitely crying. The sound of my sobbing still muffled by the abomination in front of me.

It looks almost… sad?

I’m to overrun with terror to think about why a horrific beast would look at me with sadness. I try to move, still feeling like I need to run. This only responds I receive is having to watch in horror as it sprouts more arms to keep me still.

I feel my body begin to tremble as breathing becomes difficult. The last thing I need right now is a fucking panic attack. But theres nothing I can do to calm myself down. I feel like I’m dying. My head is throbbing, my face hurts, and don’t get me started on my fucking arm.

Tears are pouring from my eyes as I struggle to breath. The nausea and light headedness have already kicked in. This is awful. I hate this. I want to go home. I want to see Joshua again.

Oh god. Joshua. What is going to happen to Joshua?! If… If I fucking die here will Joshua be okay? Will Amanda get him?! No… No I can’t die here. Joshua needs me! But I can’t fucking move.

I’m a failure. What kind of father can’t protect their own fucking son.

I’m going to die here. Either from blood loss or the monster next to me.

I’m a failure.

I notice the sound of sweet voice stop and I feel the creature shift. When I look up, I’m face to face with the beast. I scream but it remains muffled by the hand. I don’t want to be fucking eaten!

The beasts voice is monotone when it spoke, its… familiar. “Bro… you gotta calm down.”

A clawed hand reaches towards my face and I flinch, moving my head away. Instead of any pain I feel the hand gently wipe away my tears. I freeze.

What the fuck…?

I slowly look back at the creature. It had two of its many hands on my face, one still covering my mouth, while the other was gently placed on my cheek. It’s thumb rubbing soft circles. I let out a soft whimper, I am confused and terrified.

“Shh… bro, your okay. Your poggers.” All of its eyes watch me, but the gaze doesn’t feel intense. There is an unspoken softness to it.

Before I can fully understand what’s going on blue sweet voice leaves its mouth, almost immediately my breathing returns to normal and my panic attack subsides. I blink twice, what the fuck.

I look over the creature again, and I can just barely make out a familiar sight. All of its arms where covered in the blue sleeve of black mesa security shirt, its large chest still covered in the Kevlar vest. I furrow my brows in confusion.

What ever train of thought I had left me when I feel the limbs of the creature begin to shift. It’s arms moved away from holding me down, and instead lift me up, enveloping me in some kind of hold. My breathing hitches as it did so, I struggled a little, but couldn’t break the grip of many, many arms.

“Shh, shh… I got you Feetmen.”

Wait a fucking second, there is only one person I know who calls me Feetmen.

I look up at the abomination, or at lest try to. I’m now pressed into the vest as its many arms hold me in place. The hand on my mouth hasn’t moved, but the hand that had been on my check now held my head in place. My attempts to struggle free also proved fruitless because of this.

Was this Benrey?! What the fuck?!?!?! I recall Benrey saying he ‘wasn’t human’. I assumed that it was a joke. I assumed it wasn’t true. But it this… thing. If this thing was Benrey then he most definitely wasn’t human.

I hear more sweet voice come from Benrey. From the corner of my eye I can see the colors, blue to red. I feel my eyes grow heavy. Suddenly I am really, really fucking tired.

The clawed hand on my mouth slowly pulled away. I was to tired to scream, I was barely staying awake as it was.

“B… Ben..rey…?”

He doesn’t respond, still singing. I shake my head in a desperate attempt to wake myself up. I don’t think sleep is a good idea right now.

But no matter how much I tried I couldn’t fight it. I eventually slip into a dreamless sleep.

Once again, I don’t know how long I’m out.

When I do finally wake up, I’m back in a hospital bed. I can feel an ice pack on my face, and I can only assume I have painkillers in my system because my arm doesn’t hurt to badly.

I’m once again dressed in a hospital gown, and I don’t have my glasses on. I can only assume my attacker from earlier broke them. I hope I still have a spare pair at home.

I… I think I’m alone. But I can hear arguing on the other side of the door. I hear three voices, Tommy, Benrey, and the last one is familiar but… but I don’t know it. It sounds like the man who called and informed me of my three months off.

“You uh… you want to explain why you let this happen bro?!” Benrey’s voice growled.

“How could y-you let this happen dad???” Tommy sounded distressed.

“It… was out of… my hands, Thomas. I did… what little that could be… done.”

“Don’t call me that. I… It’s Tommy!”

“That was pretty fucking cringe dude.”

I hear the mysterious voice sigh. “I am… sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t get Feetmens arm back!”

“… Sorry is… the best I can do. That and… insuring he had on… the HEV suit.”

“He… He has a kid dad! How is he gonna work or write without his hand!”

“Fine. I will… work… on having a prosthetic arm made… is that… enough?”

I heard Benrey growl but Tommy was the one who responded.

“… Yes… that would be e-enough.”

“Fine.”

I hear footsteps leaving, and I can only assume the mysterious man had left. After a moment Tommy and Benrey enter the room. Tommy sees me awake and quickly rushed to my side.

“Mister Freeman!” He quickly yet gently hugged me. “I-I was so worried!”

I hug back, nodding in response. “Yeah… yeah me too…”

“Feetmen fails. Constantly getting hurt… epic fail bro.”

I slowly nod and let out a hollow laugh. It was fail. I was a failure.

Tommy pulled out of the hug and looked at me, worry all over his face. “I’m so sorry mister Freeman. If… If I had known! Sunkist and I… we could have…”

“Tommy. Don’t blame yourself, no one could of known this would happen.”

Tommy and Benrey looked away at that, they both looked… uncomfortable.

“… You look like shit Feetmen.”

“I feel like shit too.” I lean into the bed, I haven’t… I haven’t let myself look at the arm. I don’t want to throw up.

I see sadness in Benrey’s yellow eyes, he moves closer to the hospital bed and gives my head a gentle pat. I feel confused by the action, but don’t hate it, so I don’t say anything. He then starts singing, sweet voice now rising and floating above my hospital bed.

Tommy is all to happy to translate it for me. “Maroon means get better soon!”

I look at the colors before smiling at Benrey. “Thanks dude.”

He just nods and turns away, and I fail to notice the blush on his face.

“So… do either of you know how long I’m going to be stuck here again?”

“N-not long mister Freeman! They want… want to make sure the wound won’t be infected! Then your free to go!” Tommy smiles brightly.

I nod before finally looking down at the stub. Its covered in bandages. It makes me feel sick, I can feel the hand that was once there, but anytime I try to move it all I get is pain. Black Mesa was probably going to fire me.

Tommy noticed me staring at it. “Does… does it hurt?”

“Yeah… But its tolerable.”

He nods and frowns “I’m so… so sorry mister Freeman, if I could of—”

I cut him off, I don’t want Tommy to blame himself for this. “Tommy, you had no way of knowing. It… It’s gonna be okay.”

I don’t really believe that but… but it makes Tommy smile. He nods and gives me another hug.

“That’s right mister Freeman! It’ll all work out in the end! I k-know it!”

I feel someone else join in the hug, it’s Benrey. He still looks sad. I move an arm and hug him back, relaxing a little.

“Feetmens gonna be poggers. Big old Benrey’s gonna uh… keep him safe.”

I laugh a little, “ok. Sure.”

The door to my room opens and I look over. Its hard to tell without my glasses but I do see Bubby, Coomer, and Joshua all enter the room. Coomer is currently carrying Joshua. He smiles brightly at us.

“Gentlemen! I didn’t realize it was time for another group hug.”

He walks over and places Joshua in my lap before joining in on the hug. Bubby trails behind him and sighs, before also joining in.

I feel myself begin to cry. I thought I was going to die in that dark room. I thought I’d never see Joshua again. Never see his smile, never hear him complain about wanting a popsicle, never listen as he babbled on about his game.

After you nearly lose everything, it makes you remember what you have. I squeeze the group tight and they do the same. God if I… if I had died back there…

My train of thought was ended by the sound of singing and the sight of sweet voice. Yellow to azure.

Tommy smiles more before translating, “yellow to azure means… means your safe and secure.”

I smile more and nod, shifting out of the hug to wipe away my tears. The group all pull away. I feel Joshua lift his little hands up to try and help remove my tears, he almost looks like he’s going to cry as well. I hold my son close and bury my head into his hair.

“What happened to daddy’s hand…?” His voice was soft and filled with concern.

“Just… a bad man attacked daddy. He… took it…”

“Can we get it back?”

“No Joshie… I don’t think we can.”

“I-It’s okay though!” Tommy’s voice was soft, I look up at the man. “We can get your dad a… a new hand! A cool robotic one!”

“Yes!” Dr. Coomer smiles, “I have many enhancements from Black Mesa. A new hand won’t be a problem!”

“Feetmens uh… Feetmens gonna get the coolest robotic hand.”

I smile, “will it be poggers?”

Benrey gave a small smile back, “very poggers.”

I laugh, before looking down at Joshua. It seemed to of helped but he still looks upset. I place a gentle kiss to his head.

“See? It’s gonna be okay Joshie.”

He looks up at me with those big blue and brown eyes. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments! Each and every one of them made my day, they also gave me the motivation to finish this chapter! I love you all and I'm so glad your enjoying this fic so far!
> 
> Note: Anytime I defended Amanda was sarcasm, please beat her up, she deserves it.


	10. Big Ol' Benrey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suffering a nightmare after loosing your arm sucks. Luckily for Gordon, he has a friend who can help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yellow to Azure - you are safe and secure  
> Electric Blue - I will protect you
> 
> The nightmare description is right at the beginning, and ends at 'Then... it all just vanished.'

I feel the blade dig into my arm; I feel the slow, methodical movements of my attacker. They drag this on for as long as they can. Making every minute, every second, hurt. Despite the darkness around us I can see their face.

They wore some sort of red hat with a French flag pin on it, there is a scar along their face. They have their lips turned into a frown as they continue the slow process of ripping off my arm.

I am screaming, struggling against them. The darkness around us keeps me in places, it feels something akin to glue. Holding me down. Keeping me trapped, like an insect.

Screaming, sobbing, and struggling does nothing to help me escape.

I could do nothing but lay there and feel every second they spent sawing off my hand. 

Then… it all just vanished. The man, the blade, the remains of my arm, all of it was gone. Everything was still covered in darkness, but the darkness was no longer sticky. It felt wet. Something akin to water.

I slowly sit up, trying to spot something in the endless void. The most I can see is small ripples in the darkness around me, just like water. It feels cold. I can’t wrap my mind around where I am, but I know where I’m not. This isn’t the storage room, at lest not anymore. Which means this may not even be Black Mesa.

I shift my knees closer to myself and hold my newly amputated arm close. I cradle it against my chest. Surprisingly, it doesn’t hurt, at lest not as much as before. I… I don’t like the dark. I don’t trust it. It feels cold and suffocating. You never know what’s hiding inside, until it strikes.

Speaking of things hiding in the dark, I feel the ground beneath me shift. More specifically I feel it begin to lift. 

That’s when I realized I wasn’t sitting on the ground; I was sitting in a massive fucking hand. A second hand reached out from the abyss and both hands closed around me. They weren’t squeezing, just gently holding me.

I was shaking again, tears welling back up in my green and brown eyes. I could still feel this thing, whatever it was, lifting me up. When they did finally stop the hand above me pulled away before a singular finger began to… to fucking rub my head.

I flinched a bit, surprised by the sudden contact. The movement was soft, gentle, and… somewhat soothing. I look over and manage to see what was holding me. My eyes fall onto the familiar sight of a Black Mesa security guard, his yellow eyes watching me.

“B-Benrey!?!”

“Sup”

I stare at him. I’m not sure what to say or what to do. I’m shocked, amazed, terrified, and fascinated. He doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t seem to care. His large finger continues to rub my head.

I swat the finger away and he frowned but does pull that hand away. His other large hand still held me though.

“Aw bro…”

“Benrey. What the fuck is going on? Why the fuck are you so big?!?”

“I told you dude. Uh… big ol’ Benrey’s gotta protect you.”

I blink before furrowing my brows. That sounds familiar.

“Cringemen having uh… stupid nightmares. Stupid… stupid baby nightmares.”

“Wait, nightmare?”

He nods, still staring at me. “Yeah bro. Pretty cringe.”

“… So this… this is a dream then?”

He nods again. “Aww, is Feetmen dreaming about me? That’s uh… that’s gay. Gaymen. Little… Little gay boy?”

I rolled my eyes, “for the record, I’m bi. And no, I’m not fucking dreaming about you! How the fuck are you here!” I pause in thought, before looking around the massive dark abyss. “Where… where even is here?”

He only shrugged in response. I then felt the hand below me shift again as he raised me close to his face. I moved away on instinct, my back hitting his fingers.

“D-dude!”

He only response by tiling his head a little to the side, looking me over curiously. I feel tense. I… I don’t like this. Benrey could very easily crush me, eat me, drop me, or several other painful sounding deaths. Wait… can you die in a dream? I’d rather not find out.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Just uh…” he smacked his lips, “just looking.”

“Looking?”

“Yup.”

I sigh and move a hand to rub the bridge of my nose. Benrey will never fail to give me the biggest headache. His yellow eyes only continue to stare holes into me.

“Do you like… not fucking blink??”

“Uh… don’t have to.” He shrugs, “not human.”

“… what the fuck even are you???”

He only shrugged again, and I let out another sigh. I try to remember what I was doing before I apparently fell asleep and had a nightmare. 

I… I think I was in the hospital. I was in the hospital with my son and the science team. I must have fallen asleep while they where all talking. 

That made the most sense anyway.

That still didn’t tell me why Benrey was… in my dream. Apparently. This was so confusing. He didn’t seem to feel like giving me answers, he just stared. Well… I was having a nightmare before, and him being here seems to have stopped that. So I guess I can’t be too upset.

I look up at the anomaly, his yellow eyes staring back at me. I pause in thought, recalling the beast I saw after my arm was forcefully removed.

“That was you, wasn’t it?” I mumbled.

“Huh?”

“The… the creature. With the multiple eyes and limbs. That was you.”

He paused before nodding. To prove his point he shut his two yellow eyes and lifted his free hand up, removing his helmet. His long black hair fell down his shoulder and back once freed from the helmet. After a moment he re-opened his eyes, all of them. They where all over his face and hair, each and every one of them shifting to look at me.

I shudder in response, staring at the mess of eyes and hair. Yep. Definitely not human. Come to think of it, that should have been move obvious. Benrey’s odd behavior, constantly being cold, seeming to change heights, all of it pointed to a nonhuman entity.

That still left the question of what the hell was Benrey.

“Like what you see Feetmen?”

I blink, before blushing a little. Fuck. I must have been staring.

“No.” I quickly respond, before back tracking. “I-its different. I don’t… I don’t know how to feel about this…”

He paused, nods, then began closing his other eyes, returning to his usual two. 

“Is it painful?”

“Whu?”

“To… to change your appearance. Does it hurt?”

“Not usually.” He shrugged. “When its uh… forced, it hurts.”

“Forced…?”

“Uh yeah… strong emotions dude. BBBBB”

I flinch a little at the odd sound but… but that makes sense. Every time he’s looked taller its usual been a moment of high stress. It must be connected to his emotions.

“So sometimes you… can’t control it?”

He nods in response. 

“Interesting…” I pause in thought, thinking over the new information. “Can you do other things?”

“Huh?”

“Like more than the sweet voice and um… changing form? What else can you do?”

“That’s uh… that’s pretty personal bro. Haven’t taken me on a date yet. Cringe.”

I choose to ignore the date part. “Uh… sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

He paused again, before shrugging. “Its whatever. But uh… now I get to ask you questions. Learn the Feetmen lore.”

I laugh a little, “Feetmen lore?”

“Yup.”

I pause before shrugging. “Okay, ask away dude.”

“Hmm.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “How uh… how old is Joshua?”

I smile at the thought of my son. “Joshua is three.”

“Pog. Um…” He paused in thought again, “how about we go back and forth Feetmen? Uh… you ask one now.”

I pause and shrug, “um… here’s an easy one. What’s your favorite color?”

“BBBBBBBBBlue.” 

I laugh. I’m not surprised in all honesty.

He smiles in response. “Why are you so small. Smallman? Littleman?”

I laugh more. “Fuck you, I’m not small! Your just fucking huge!”

He laughs in response, shaking his head. “Tinyman.”

“I’m usually taller than you!”

“Not uh… not here bro.”

I roll my eyes. “Where are we anyway?”

“Void? Abyss? Lots uh… lots of names for it.”

“Huh…”

“What uh… what was your um… life like? Before you uh… came to Black Mesa?”

I pause that was a… complicated question. He noticed my pause and looked concerned. 

“You uh, don’t gotta answer bro.”

“No, no. You um… you deserve to know.” I take a deep breath in before continuing. “Well, my childhood was fine. I don’t… remember most of it. But it seems to have been okay. I guess things kind of went downhill when I realized I was bisexual. My… my family is very religious. So when I came out as bi they… they threw me out. John was the only one who would even talk to me after that… He later came out as gay so… it makes sense. They um… they threw him out too. Once thrown out I moved in with Amanda. That was another shitty decision on my part. Spent… a long time with her. A long time letting her—"

I was cut off by the feeling of something rubbing my head. He looks at me with worry and sadness, that’s when I realize I’m crying.

“S-Sorry…”

“Its uh… Its cool Gordon.”

I pause when he said my name. My green and brown eyes look up and meet his massive yellow ones. We sat there for a moment, letting a comfortable silence surround us. It’s nice. I slightly leaned into the head rubs, finding them comforting. I always liked it when people played with my hair… though I’ll never say that out loud.

He seems to notice, a smile spread across his face. I expect some sort of open mockery or a joke at my expense… But instead we remain in comfortable silence. 

It feels like a long time, but his finger does eventually pull away and he does eventually speak. 

“That… all sounds really cringe bro. Epic uh… Epic family fails.”

I laugh a little and nod. My hair is most definitely a mess thanks to the head rubs. “Yeah, it was. But I have Joshua, I have John… that’s all I need.”

“You uh… got more then just them bro.”

I look up at him confused, he continues speaking.

“You gotta uh… Tommy, Dr. Coomer, Bubby, Sunkist, uhh… and me. The epic gamer.”

I smile at that. “Yeah… yeah your right.”

“Of course I am bro. Always right.”

I laugh. “Thank you Benrey.”

“Its uh… its no problem bro. Big ol' Benrey’s got you.”

“Quiet literally.” I roll my eyes, looking down at the hand I was being held in.

He laughs in response and I can’t help but smile.

And that’s when I woke up. There is some light in the hospital room, but not a lot. I still don’t have my glasses so I can’t tell the time, but I’m assuming its night. I bring a hand up and rub some sleep out of my eye.

I assume at first that I’m alone, because its late. But that thought gets throne away when I hear singing next to me. Sweet voice. Yellow to Azure.

“Your safe and secure…” I mumble, remembering that Tommy told me that one yesterday, or was that still today? I don’t know.

The sweet voice pauses, and I see Benrey turn to look at me. I give him a small wave with the hand I still have.

“Hey bro.”

“Howdy.” I respond tiredly. I feel like I should be angry or upset. Benrey shouldn’t be here. He should be at his own house, asleep, like a normal fucking human. But then I remember the dream. Then I remember that he isn’t a normal human. He isn’t even human.

He stares at me for a moment, “You uh… you remember bro?”

“Remember what?” I ask, still rubbing my eye.

“The dream?”

“… Yeah? Yeah. I do.” I pull my hand away from my face and look up at him. He is standing next to my hospital bed.

“Huh… Normally you uh… forget. Forgetful Feetmen. Clumsy boy.”

I blink in confusion. “You’ve… you’ve done that before?”

“You have a lot of nightmares bro.”

“That doesn’t…” I don’t remember most of my dreams, just the feelings. The sudden terror, the horror, the pain. But some nights there was nothing, or there was happiness, calmness. 

Huh.

“… That’s… kind of creepy Benrey.”

He shrugs before going back to singing. It’s a different color this time, he’s back to singing that familiar electric blue. Seems like I am going to have to ask Tommy about it.

For now, I just listen. I listen and watch the sweet voice float around the hospital room. It was beautiful, and it helped take away the suffocating darkness that previously filled the room. I lay awake and let Benrey sing.

When he finally stopped singing the room was left in silence, but the colors of the sweet voice still lingered. I smile softly.

“Uh… Bubby and Coomer will be taking you home tomorrow. They’re uh… with Joshua right now.”

Oh fuck, right, Joshua. God I’m such a fucking awful parent, dumping my kid on my friends, forgetting about my own son.

“Oh um, that’s good... Thank you.”

Benrey nods. “Its uh… its no problem bro.”

“… How has Joshua been handling all this?”

“He’s been poggers. Very well. Great cool.”

I smile “I’m… I’m glad. Joshua’s a good kid, strong kid.”

Benrey nods. “He’s way cooler than his cringe dad.”

I hum in response. “… Yeah. I don’t… I don’t deserve him.”

Benrey flinched, and quickly turned to stare at me. I only continue.

“What kind of fucking parent am I huh? Can’t even keep myself safe. How the fuck could I ever protect Joshua?”

“Bro. That’s bullshit.”

“Huh?” 

“Your like… number one on the top ten dads dude.”

I shake my head, but he doesn’t let me speak.

“You are dude! You uh… you’re an epic dad. Pog papa.”

“How so?” I ask, not believing him.

“Because uh… Because despite all the cringe family fails, you uh… keep trying dude. Keep getting those W’s for uh… for your kid. For Gordon Jr.”

I pause, before laughing a little. “Sure, okay. Thanks, Benrey.”

“No problem bro.”

“No problem bro.”

The room then retuned to silence, and I watched the sweet voice fade away. I silently wondered what the Black Mesa sweet voice even was. Why does it vanish like that? Is it its own language? What is it made up of? I don’t think I’m ever going to get answers.

Benrey broke the moment of silence. “You should uh… sleep bro. Baby man needs a nap.”

I pause. “You know what… that’s not a bad idea.”

“I know bro. Its cause it’s mine.”

I smile, “alright, goodnight Benrey.”

I close my eyes and relax. Just as a fall asleep I hear a soft voice next to me.

“Good… Goodnight Gordon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your kind words!!! I've opened up my asks box on tumblr if you guys want to message me there. The username is epicaandk-creative. I've been debating making a list of songs I think fit this story and posting it there. Idk.


	11. It Was Probably Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon gets to return home and spend some quality time with Joshua and the science team!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments! Your all so nice and it really makes my day to read them!!!

Today would have been my third day back at Black Mesa. 

Instead of filling out paperwork and doing dangerous tests, I’m waiting outside of the hospital for Bubby and Coomer. They are going to be driving me home. I’m looking down at my phone as I wait, currently, I’m texting my brother John.

I… I haven’t told him what happened. Not yet. I still need to figure out what the hell happened myself. So our conversation is nothing more than pointless back and forth. He’s talking about cute things his boyfriend does, I responded every now and then. He mentions how I should try dating again, I change the topic.

“Who uh… who are you texting dude?” Oh yeah, and Benrey is still here.

“John.” I respond, not looking up from my phone.

“Hm…” He leaned closer, trying to read our messages.

I roll my eyes but choose to ignore him.

“Ooh. Feetmens uh… gonna start dating?”

Shit. “Uh, no. Probably not.”

“… Why not? You uh… you scared?”

“No.” Yes. Terrified.

Before the conversation can continue, I look up and see a white Cadillac racing towards us. I stumble back as it screeches to a halt in front of us. Bubby is in the driver’s seat and Coomer is sitting next to him.

“Hello Gordon!”

“Hey Dr. Coomer…” I suddenly regret not asking Tommy to drive me home.

Tommy, right now, is with Joshua at the house. I don’t like leaving Joshie alone, so Tommy said he’d wait for us at the house while Coomer and Bubby volunteered to drive me home.

“Get in fuckers!” Bubby laughs, sharp teeth on full display.

Benrey gets in no problem, while I hesitate. I don’t trust this. I can’t drive right now, my spare pair of glasses where still at home… plus I doubt Bubby is going to let anyone else drive... So I sigh, get in, and quickly get my seatbelt on.

Bubby slams on the gas and the car is now speeding down the road. Bubby cackling the whole way. Benrey has the biggest smile, he throws his arms into the air.

“ROAD TRIP!!!”

I, meanwhile, have a death grip on my seatbelt. I just got out of the hospital I don’t want to get into a car crash and have to go back, I don’t even want to think about the alternative. I want to say I’m surprised not a single cop car sees us racing down the road, but what do you expect from bootlickers. 

Instead of a horrific accident we arrive at my house. The tires screech as we come to stop and I cringe at the sound.

“Wonderfully done professor Bubby!”

Bubby leans over and kisses Dr. Coomer, “doctor.”

I shakily undo my seatbelt and get out of the car. I am so, so grateful to be back on solid, not bubby driven, ground. Benrey followed me out of the car and looks at me with his usual expression.

“You uh… poggers?”

“Hm?” I look over before nodding. “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.”

I pause by mailbox, there is a letter sticking out of it. I assume its just bills but grab it anyway, I’ll look it over later, when I have my glasses. I begin walking to the house, Benrey trailing behind me as I do so. I open the door and smile.

Inside I see Tommy, Sunkist, and Joshua. Sunkist is laying on the ground and Joshua is laying on top of the massive dog, his face buried in the dog’s soft fur. Tommy is seated in the couch nearby, watching them. He looks over when I open the front door.

“Mister Freeman!” He gets up and walks over.

“Hey Tommy.” I wave at him but find myself pulled into another hug. I smile before hugging back.

“Its… its so good to see you!”

“I would say its good to see you too but,” I gesture to my face, “can’t really see right now.”

Benrey speaks up from behind me, “Cringemen needs new eyes.”

“… Or just my glasses?” I say, turning to the other.

“Now Gordon!” Dr. Coomer smiles, walking over with Bubby, “you should know Black Mesa is working on cybernetic eyes! But there still in the testing phase!”

“… I’m good. Thanks.” 

“Daddy!” I hear a little voice call before I feel something slam into my legs. Seems Joshua stopped hugging Sunkist in favor of hugging me. I can’t help but smile. I reach down and pick up my son, pulling him into a big hug. 

“Howdy Joshie! How are you?”

Joshua gave me a big smile, “I’m good! Is… is daddy feeling better?”

“Much better.” I give him a kiss on his head, he giggles in response.

“Mister Freeman, do… do you want me to bring you your glasses?”

“You found them?”

He nods and I smile.

“That would be great Tommy. Thank you.”

Tommy nods and quickly walks off. I kick off my shoes and enter the house, taking a seat on the couch with Joshua in my lap. Benrey joins me on the couch while Bubby and Coomer share the loveseat.

“I hope Joshua wasn’t to much trouble?” 

Bubby shakes his head, “think we can’t handle your kid?”

“No! I was just asking if… if he behaved or not.”

Tommy walks back over, glasses case in hand. “Joshua was a-amazing mister Freeman! Especially with the… the circumstance.”

I nod and take the glasses case from him. I open it up and get my glasses on. Thank fuck. I was getting a headache from all the blurriness. 

“That’s good.” I look down at Joshua who was hugged close to me. I run my hand threw his brown hair. “You didn’t cause the science team to much trouble, did you?”

He shakes his head and looks up at me. “Nope!”

Tommy walks over and takes the last seat available on the couch. “Joshua do… do you wanna tell mister Freeman what you learned?”

Joshua got a big smile on his face, “yeah!” My son clears his throat before continuing. “A… A cowboy is an animal herder who tends c-cattle on ranches in… North America! T… t… traditionally on horseback! And… often performs a multitude of other r… ranch-related tasks. The historic A… American cowboy of the late nineteenth c… c…century a-arose from the v… v…. va….”

Dr. Coomer smiles before helping him, “vaquero traditions of northern Mexico and became a figure of special significance and legend.”

Joshua nods and smiles brightly. “A s-subtype, called a wrangler, specifically tends the horses used to work cattle. …In addition to ranch work, some cowboys work for or participate in rodeos!”

Is this the second time I’ve heard the wiki article on cowboys? Yes. Am I surprised my three-year-old has memorized so much of the wiki article? Yes. Am I any less proud? No.

“That’s amazing Joshua!”

He giggles and shyly leans into me. “Thank you… Grampa taught me it.”

We all pause for a minute. Dr. Coomer looks shocked, but not the bad kind. He looks like he wants to cry tears of joy.

“Harold.” Bubby laughs, “don’t cry.”

“I… I just have something in my eye.” 

I look at Joshua then at Dr. Coomer. “I… I hope you don’t mind being called that. Joshua can’t see his grandparents so…”

“Gordon.” Coomer sniffles before smiling, “I would love to be your son’s adoptive grandfather.”

I smile at him, “thank you Dr. Coomer. I suppose that also makes you a grandfather, Dr. Bubby.”

Bubby paused, before he began crying with joy. Or at lest, I hope its joy. 

“Grampa Coomer! Grampa Bubby!” Joshua giggles happily.

Benrey starts laughing next to me. “Bro, that uh… makes Bubby and Coomer your uh... your dads.”

I pause before flinching. “wh—No!”

“Gordon, I would love to be your adoptive father!” Dr. Coomer smiles brightly and I stare at him. 

How do you respond to something like that? Do I say no? Do I thank him? I don’t speak to my parents anymore; I haven’t tried in years. I… I do miss having a father figure though. Someone to call on fathers’ day, someone to do awkward family picnics with, someone to lean on when you have no one.

Coomer notices my silence and stops smiling, “I’m sorry Gordon, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

I flinch. “N-no! Its fine Dr. Coomer! I just… um…”

“You don’t have to say it Gordon. I’m happy to just be Joshua’s grandfather! I’m sure Bubby is too!”

Bubby nods, “fuck yeah!”

“Don’t… don’t swear in front of Joshua.”

“Frick yeah!” Bubby corrects.

I sigh and look down at Joshua, he is smiling at me. I can’t not smile back. It will be good for Joshua, to have more family. Even if they are… a little weird, and not actually blood related.

“Daddy!”

“Yes Joshie?”

“I’m hungry!”

“Hm… is it around lunch time.” I turn to the science team. “I can order something for us all, is there anything you guys want?”

“BBBBBBBBB! BBBBBIZZA!” 

Joshua giggles at Benrey’s antics, “Bizza!”

“Pizza d-does sound good!” Tommy smiles.

Pizza isn’t my first choice but… sure. Why not. “Alright, pizza it is then.”

I move to put Joshua down on the couch but Dr. Coomer stands up first and smiles at me.

“Don’t worry Gordon! I can order.”

“Um… you sure?”

“Yes!”

“Do you want me to pay?”

“No!”

Before I can argue he’s already walked over to my phone and started dialling the pizza place. I readjust myself on the couch, returning to hugging Joshua.

“Yo, bro. We could uh… play some Mario Kart.”

“Oh sure, you guys can if you want. I’ll… probably just watch.” It’s hard to play Mario Kart one handed.

“Hand me the other remote and lets fucking go!” Bubby grins.

Benrey complies and soon the two are racing away. Both spewing insults at one another, luckily, they avoid swearing, this time. Tommy, Joshua, and I all watch them. Joshua had shifted off my lap and closer to Benrey, leaning against the anomaly as he raced. Tommy is happily cheering for both Bubby and Benrey, one hand rested on Sunkist head. The dog was seated next to the couch, looking more bored then anything.

It was now that I remember the letter I tucked in my pocket. Right. I was going to read that now that I have my glasses on. I reach into my pocket and pull it out. The envelope looked like it was handwritten, the writing was smooth and… weirdly familiar? Whatever. I also notice the lack of a return address on said envelope, also weird, but whatever. It was probably nothing.

It took a bit of struggling to get the envelope open with only one hand, but I got it eventually. Luckily, Bubby and Benrey where to busy racing to mock me for my struggle. Count your blessings Gordon. 

I put the envelope on the coffee table and open up the letter, its written in the same familiar writing as the address on the envelope.

"Dear Gordon Freeman,

Hello! I hope this letter finds you in amazing health. I’m writing to you because I think its been far to long since we last spoke! It’s been several months by now. I really have missed you and Joshua, all the fun times we had as a family! Just you, me, and Joshua.

I’ve been very busy over the past few months. Training for a new, and exciting, job. I can’t go into too much detail, classifications and all, but I just wanted to let you know that change is coming. Big and exciting change! I hope your just as excited as I am.

This letter will be the first of many, don’t you worry! I know how you like to worry. Soon we can have phone calls as too! I can’t wait to hear your voice again. Like I said, its been far too long.

Yours truly,

Amanda Freeman"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made some drawing of the HLVRAI crew for this story:
> 
> https://epicaandk-creative.tumblr.com/post/624126948576247808/behold-my-first-good-attempt-at-the-science-team - Science team (+ Amanda and John)  
> https://epicaandk-creative.tumblr.com/post/624194202307346432/frenrey-dance - Random Frenrey


	12. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario Kart gets interrupted by nausea and arguments. Cringe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO spuddbud AND glitchy-art-blog ON TUMBLR FOR THE FANART! PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT, THERE BOTH AMAZING!  
> https://spuddbud.tumblr.com/post/624491607676289024/some-doodles-a-benrey-with-some-eyes-and-sketches - spuddbud   
> https://glitchy-art-blog.tumblr.com/post/624689052444180480/made-some-fanart-for-epicaandk-creative-s-fan - glitchy-art-blog
> 
> This chapter does have Gordon throw up, its not super descriptive but be aware it does happen.

“Dear Gordon Freeman,

Hello! I hope this letter finds you in amazing health. I’m writing to you because I think its been far to long since we last spoke! It’s been several months by now. I really have missed you and Joshua, all the fun times we had as a family! Just you, me, and Joshua.

I’ve been very busy over the past few months. Training for a new, and exciting, job. I can’t go into too much detail, classifications and all, but I just wanted to let you know that change is coming. Big and exciting change! I hope your just as excited as I am.

This letter will be the first of many, don’t you worry! I know how you like to worry. Soon we can have phone calls as too! I can’t wait to hear your voice again. Like I said, its been far too long.

Yours truly,

Amanda Freeman”

I sit on my couch and stare down at the letter. Joshua is sitting in between me and Benrey, leaning into the anomaly as he watches the race. Benrey has a grin on his face as he leans forwards in his seat, focused on the game. Bubby stares at the screen intensely from the loveseat, his burrows furrowed as he stares intensely at the screen. Tommy is seated on the other side of Benrey, flapping his arms excitedly as he watches the two race. Dr. Coomer re-enters the room and sits on the loveseat next to Bubby.

“Good news Gordon, pizza will be here soon!”

“BBBBBBIZZA!!!!” Benrey grins more, clearly excited.

“Focus!” Bubby shot a glare at Benrey before his eyes return to the screen.

Benrey stuck his tongue out at Bubby. “Cringe.”

“You f—you suck!” Bubby retorts.

I stare down at the letter.

“Go go go!” Tommy cheers, watching with glee.

Benrey was currently in first and Bubby in third, but Bubby was working on quickly catching up to both characters in front of him.

Joshua soon joins in Tommy’s chanting. “Go go go!” He giggles, kicking his little legs.

Benrey grins at the encouragement. “Sure uh… sure thing bro!”

Bubby frowns more, “he wasn’t talking to you! I’m his grandpa!!!”

“Nah, you’re to cringe. Feetmen two uh… likes me better.”

“Shut up.” Bubby growls.

“My name is Joshua!” My son huffs, before jabbing Benrey’s side.

This causes Benrey to laugh. “C-Cheater, hacks!”

Joshua grins and stands up on the couch, moving to tickle Benrey. Benrey flinches and starts laughing, trying, and failing to focus on the race.

“Yes! A distraction!” Bubby cackles.

I stare down at the letter.

Dr. Coomer smiles. “Distraction is the process of diverting the attention of an individual or group from a desired area of focus and thereby blocking or diminishing the reception of desired information. Distraction is caused by: the lack of ability to pay attention; lack of interest in the object of attention; or the great intensity, novelty or attractiveness of something other than the object of attention. Distractions come from both external sources, and internal sources. External distractions include factors such as visual triggers, social interactions, music, text messages, and phone calls. There are also internal distractions such as hunger, fatigue, illness, worrying, and daydreaming. Both external and internal distractions contribute to the interference of focus.”

“Thank you Harold!” Bubby smiles.

“Your welcome professor.”

“Doctor.

“Professor.”

“Doctor!”

“Professor!”

“Doc—”

Tommy cut him off. “Mister Freeman, a-are you okay?”

I stare down at the letter.

I can feel myself shaking. I feel disgusted. I feel awful. I feel so many unpleasant things I can’t even describe them all. 

“… Mister Freeman?”

I force myself to stand and drop the letter. I sprint to the bathroom, pushing off the doorframe as I enter. 

“Mister Freeman?!” I hear Tommy’s voice call after me.

I rush to the toilet. I feel so fucking sick.

“Daddy?” Joshua’s voice is filled with worry.

I throw up.

I hear someone rush over, they gather up my hair and hold it as I vomit. I decide that I’ll thank them once I feel better. For now, I just lean against the toilet and wait for my nausea to pass.

“Bro… you good?” Ah, so Benrey is the one holding my hair.

I shake my head but don’t move beyond that. This is bad, this is really, really bad. Amanda sent me a letter. That means she knows my address; she knows where I live. She knows exactly where I am. I had hoped moving to New Mexico would let me leave her in the past, to never have to deal with her again. Now it feels like it’s all been for not.

“Not feeling good? Got uh… got an upset tum tum?”

Benrey’s voice was monotone but I could hear the underlying worry. I nod but still can’t bring myself to talk.

“Sickmen, Grossman.” I feel his fingers run threw my hair as he insults me. Benrey will never make sense.

“Is mister Freeman sick? Should… should we get him to a doctor?”

I groan at the idea of going back to the hospital, no, I don’t need a doctor. At least not that kind of doctor. This is something much worse than just a stomach bug. So much worse. 

“We should get him to lay down.” Dr. Coomer adds, his voice covered in concern. “Once he’s done vomiting, that is.”

“Vomitman.” So very unhelpful Benrey.

“Asshole.” I groan, moving a little away from the toilet.

I don’t look at him, but I know he’s smiling. “Cringe bro. You uh… you sick?”

“… No. No, it’s not that.”

“Bullshit!” Bubby growls, “if you’re not sick why did you throw up?!”

I look up and see the science team standing in the doorway, well the everyone minus Benrey, he’s still holding my hair. Tommy is holding Joshua; my son looks likes he’s about to cry. It breaks my heart to see him look so worried, especially over his own father.

“Joshie—” I try to stand but instantly feel nauseated again, Benrey lightly pushes me back down.

“Careful dude.”

I let myself return to my knees without much struggle, and run a hand threw my hair. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

“We should get mister Freeman to bed.”

“Wonderful idea Tommy!” Coomer smiles brightly.

“No guys, I’m f—” I’m fine is what I was going to say, but was cut off by Benrey lifting me up and holding me bridal style. Nope, not blushing, definitely not.

I look up at the guard and notices he looks… bigger? Yeah. He seems taller, he also gained a bit more muscle. His bright yellow eyes look down at me and a grin formed on his face. Smug bastard.

“Little Feetmen needs uh… needs a nap?”

“Fuck you.” I groan, but don’t struggle. 

He only cackles in response.

The science team steps aside as Benrey carries out of the bathroom and upstairs. I fold my arm and look away from the guard.

“So… why’d you throw up?”

“Huh?” I look up at him.

“You uh… said you weren’t sick. Why’d you vomit if you’re not sick? Vomitboy.”

My stomach churns just at the thought of… of that fucking letter. I furrow my brows. I dropped it, the letter, when I got up. It’s… it’s probably on the floor by the couch. If I had to guess, anyway.

“There was a letter… from someone I…” Why dance around it Gordon, this is the same person who tackled her to the ground after she shot you. My eyes look away as I speak. “Amanda sent me a letter.”

Benrey stopped walking, a feel his grip on me tighten suddenly. It’s not painful, just unexpected. I shift in his arms, confused by the action. We are directly in front of my bedroom door. He let out a low growl and I feel myself shiver. When I look up at him again, I can see sharp fangs in his mouth, his eyes glare at nothing, then down at me. I swallow nervously.

“She what?!”

“She… she sent me a letter. I… I don’t know how she got my address, but… she did. Just fucking reading it made me feel sick…”

Benrey didn’t respond. He did nothing but stare at me for a while. It was easy to say I was uncomfortable. He then suddenly turned heel and began walking back downstairs. The science team looks over confused when we enter the living room.

“Benrey what are—” he drops me onto the couch, and I let out a sound of surprise.

“Tell them.”

“Huh?”

“Tell them what you told me. About uh… about her…”

“What’s going on?” Tommy asks, looking at us confused.

I look at the ground and see the letter, I pick it up and fold it close. I don’t want to look at it. I don’t want to look at the science team either. “I… I don’t want to do this, not in front of Joshua.” 

Benrey growls before sighing. “Cringe. Should just uh… fucking say it dude.”

“He isn’t ready yet!”

Benrey paced back and forth, a glaring at nothing. The science team watches him with concern.

“The fuck is going on?!” Bubby demands.

“Y-your starting to worry us!” Tommy adds.

I can’t help but cringe at their responses.

“Bro he… he has to find out eventually.” Benrey stopped his pacing and turns to me.

“Not yet.” 

“Daddy?” Joshua’s voice piped up, Tommy still held him. “Whats… whats going on?”

“Nothing you need to worry about Joshie.”

“Yes he does dude!” Benrey steps closer to me.

I feel myself glare. “He shouldn’t have to worry about this kind of thing, he’s three!” I stand up from the couch.

“No one should have to deal with this shit dude! But… but here we are!”

“There is no fucking ‘we’ in this, asshole!”

“Gordon.” He growls.

I shiver, very rarely has Benrey ever said my name. Despite my shiver I stand my ground. “Benrey.”

He glares, another growl leaves his throat.

“This doesn’t concern you. It’s my problem, it’s my life!” I say in response.

“Mister Freeman whats going on???” Tommy puts Joshua down and steps closer, I back away from him instinctively.

“I’m… I’m not talking about it right now!”

“Bro! This shit is serious—”

“YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW THAT?!” I scream and turn to Benrey. Fuck. Now this is the second time I’ve snapped at the guard. “I-I just fucking lost my hand dude! You don’t think I know this is fucked up??? I am trying to spare my son, to give him a fucking childhood!!! I. Will. Not. Under any circumstance, talk about this shit in front of Joshua!”

Benrey continues to glare at me, I return the larger mans gaze. If I had to guess he was around eight feet tall at this point, but I will not budge on this.

“Why the fuck not?!”

Why not…? 

My eyes flicker to the ground.

Joshua always knew when Amanda and I fought, you could see it on his little face. Before leaving Amanda and during the custody trial Joshua had… changed. The constant fighting, the breaking of bottles, the slamming of doors, it didn’t affect just me. 

Joshua stopped speaking entirely at one point. 

No matter what I did, no matter what I tried, he would not utter a word. I eventually learned, and taught, him sign language in response to his silence, so I could at least have a conversation with my kid but… it didn’t change the fact that I missed his voice. For a long time I missed his childish banter and mindless babbles.

He didn’t speak to me until about a week after moving to New Mexico. It was a slow process for him. He learned to speak, stopped using it, then gradually returned to it. I… I’m afraid that if he finds out everything, the nitty gritty details of it all that he’ll… he’ll slip.

Progress isn’t linear, there is a real threat of Joshua going back to being silent. He’s a very shy kid because he basically spent so many months in silence. I’m glad he’s warmed up to the science team so quickly but… the risk is still there.

I turn my head to look at my son, his blue and brown eyes filled with worry. I move passed Tommy and pick him up, his little arms quickly wrapped around my neck.

“Gordon—” Coomer reached a hand out to me, I walk passed him. I quickly slide on my slippers then walk out the front door. I need some fresh air and some time with my son. Alone.

I don’t look back as begin the short walk to the park.

“Daddy?” 

“… Yes Joshie?”

“What’s going on?”

I stop walking and look down at him. His expression is still filled with worry, I can see the tears in his eyes.

“What’s going on?” He repeats, his voice soft.

I hold him close and put my head on top of his, I feel the tears in my eyes.

“… I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“Daddy—”

“Joshie please, not now. When your older.”

“Promise?” He still looks up at me, his eyes intense but still filled with worry.

I nod my head. “I promise.” I then press a kiss to Joshua’s head and close my eyes.

We stand there together in silence; I hold Joshua close and he squeezes me as tight as his little arms could. I don’t really register anything else going on around me. I know that cars are driving past, I know that people may be staring, I know the world is still moving. But I don’t care. I just soak in this one moment with my son.

The moment is broken by a voice calling after me.

“MISTER FREEMAN!” 

I turn to face Tommy and I see him running at me, his expression covered in worry. I don’t meet his eyes when he stops in front of me.

He takes a deep breath before speaking, “you were w-wrong.”

I flinch at the sudden statement, “what—”

“When y-you said this doesn’t concern us. That there is no we. You… you were wrong.”

“Tommy—”

“It does concern us because we care about you! We… we won’t let you shut us out mister Freeman! Where your friends.”

I fall silent and let Tommy speak.

“I know you… you don’t want to tell Joshua, I-I get that. But that’s… that’s no reason not to tell us! We want to know whats wrong. Whatever y-you told Benrey it… it really scared him!”

I glance down at my son in my arms, I then press a kiss to his head. I haven’t looked at Tommy, not yet, I can’t meet his harsh gaze.

“M-mister Freeman, please!”

I squeeze my eyes shut before sighing. “Fine. I’ll… I’ll tell you when where back home.”

Tommy paused before nodding, he then moved to stand next to me. After that we made the short walk back home in total silence. As we arrive I can see Coomer and Bubby standing on the porch, Coomer is holding a box of pizza.

“Hello Gordon! You gave us all quiet a scare.”

I wordlessly nod.

“You can’t just run off asssssss…. jerk! Especially not with our grandkid!” Bubby fold his arms.

I nod again.

I walk past them and enter the house. I can see Benrey sitting on the couch, head in his hands, at lest until he notices me enter. He quickly stood up and looked at me.

“Feet— uh, Gordon—” 

I put a hand up to wordlessly tell him to wait. As calmly as I can, I carry Joshua upstairs and to his room. I place my son down on his bed and give his head another kiss.

“Daddy needs to go have a boring adult talk; can you wait here?”

Joshua nods, “okay…”

“Thank you Joshie. I love you”

“I love you too daddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also made some more art, figured I'd link it. Also thank you again for all the amazing comments, your all make my day! 
> 
> https://epicaandk-creative.tumblr.com/post/624593318890913792/more-frenrey-dancing-woo - more random Frenrey  
> https://epicaandk-creative.tumblr.com/post/624593720216616960/gosh-this-took-forever-fuck-the-hev-suit - Gordon in the HEV suit and Amanda in the black ops outfit


	13. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon sits down with the science team to explain to them the letter Amanda had sent him, and discuss possible ideas on what to do about it. Or at least, that's what he tries to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED ON THE LAST CHAPTER! I know I say this every time but you guys honestly make my day!
> 
> Also thank you to icy-roulette on Tumblr! They made some AMAZING fanart of Amanda!!! https://icy-roulette.tumblr.com/post/624871582770331648/i-couldnt-help-but-make-fan-art-of-this-damnable

I walked in silence back down my stairs and find the science team all waiting for me in the living room. They had all retaken their original seats. Bubby and Coomer on the loveseat, Tommy on one side of the couch, Benrey in the middle, which left the other side of the couch for me. I guess.

“Hello Gordon.” Coomer says as I approach my seat.

“Hey Dr. Coomer.”

“Are you ready to tell us what’s going on?” He asks.

I nod and pull the letter out of my pocket. I had shoved it in there just before I picked up Joshua. I flop into the seat and look at the letter, holding it in my hand, the only hand I have now.

“Amanda sent me this.” I hand the letter to Benrey, not wanting to read it to them. The last thing I need is to throw up again. Benrey takes it and opens the letter up, skimming it before handing it to Tommy.

We sit in silence as each member of the science team reads the letter. Each one of them having varying amounts of shock and anger on there faces. I can’t say I don’t feel the same. Once they have all read it the letter is dropped on the table.

Bubby spoke first. “… Well that’s just fucked up.” 

I nod and run my hand threw my hair. 

“Gordon. I would say that shit is thoroughly fucked up!” Coomer adds.

I nod again, leaning back in my seat with a sigh. “I… I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, what do you mean Gordon?” Coomer tilts his head.

“I mean, I don’t what the fuck to do! She… she has my address, and it seems she might be getting my phone number to. I… I can’t just move again! I still have a job to do! A-and I can’t put Joshua threw that! Not again… That’s not even mentioning I don’t have the money to move again.” 

I was rambling, sure. But I felt I had the right to ramble. With all the shit that was going on, getting shot, losing a hand, and now this! I had the right to be upset. 

“Oh…” Dr. Coomer frowns, looking away from me.

“And even if I did move, how long would it be before she finds me again? If she followed me out of state would she follow me out of the country??? Would she—"

Before I can fully realize what’s going on, I feel a set of arms wrap around me and pull me close. I let out a surprised grunt as I suddenly find myself in a hug. My head is pressed against their collarbone as they place one hand on my back and one hand in my hair.

“Don’t… don’t cry dude.” Benrey’s voice was soft.

What the fuck? I move my hand to my face, oh shit, I was crying. I hadn’t even noticed the tears streaming down my face, guess they started during my ranting. 

“We uh… we’ll figure this out.” Benrey kept his soft tone, hugging me tight.

I pause before nodding. I lean slightly into him; I honestly just need the comfort. If Benrey notices he doesn’t say anything. Instead he starts running his fingers threw my hair again, I let him, as I said I just… I need the comfort right now.

“Uh, mister Freeman?” Tommy speaks up and I look over.

“Yeah?”

“I… I need to make a phone call. I’ll um… be back.” He stands up.

I look up at him confused, “uh, sure? Is everything okay?”

Tommy nods, “of course mister Freeman!” He then turned and walked out of the house, pulling his cellphone out of his pocket as he did so.

Dr. Coomer, Bubby, and I all watched Tommy leave, hearing the front door close behind him. I look down. Can I just say I feel like shit? It must have freaked Tommy out enough that he needed to leave. 

“I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of said anything—”

“Gordon.” Coomer looks at me, “I think its good that you spoke up.”

“But I clearly just made Tommy uncomfortable!”

“No! Tommy said he needed to make a phone call, not that you upset him in any way.”

I try to pull out of Benrey’s hug to argue better with Coomer, but that does not go as planned. Instead of being let go I feel his arms tighten around me. I am slammed back into his collarbone.

“Benrey!”

“Huh?”

“Let go!”

“Whu, no.”

“Ass.” I growl, trying to move his arms off of me.

“Bro I’m… I’m just sitting here.”

“You are not! What are you going to do, fucking strangle me?!”

“Just hugging the homies.”

“Well the ‘homies’ are done hugging!”

Benrey’s yellow eyes look down at me and I meet his gaze with my own green and brown eyes. I’m glaring at him. He has his usual blank expression.

“Bro…” His voice is soft, and I am suddenly aware of how close our faces are.

Am I fucking blushing?

No!

“Ah! Young love is beautiful!” Dr. Coomer says cheerfully.

I flinch in surprise and feel my face heat up more thanks to the comment. Benrey glanced over at Coomer before finally letting me go. In fact, he even shoved me a little as he pulled away, folding his arms and frowning. I huff and straighten my glasses. Asshole.

I can hear Bubby and Dr. Coomer laughing softly. I don’t need to look to know there grinning. Correction, assholes. 

Plural. 

Multiple. 

Many.

“A… are we done? Cause if we are, I’m gonna go get Joshua.”

“That depends on you Gordon!” Dr. Coomer smiles before continuing, “how are you feeling?”

“… Like shit?”

“Then no!” 

“Why not? I showed you the letter, I told you what’s wrong, that’s what you wanted, right?” I squint at Benrey as I spoke.

“What we want is to help, asshole.” Bubby said, glaring at me.

“Okay. That’s really nice and all. And I do appreciate it—”

“I’m glad to hear it Gordon!” Coomer smiles brightly at me.

“I, yeah, thank you Dr. Coomer. But—”

“There is no need to thank me Gordon! It’s the truth!”

“I don’t think there is any way you guys can help!” I finally manage to say, running my hand threw my hair.

“There has to be something we can do Gordon!” Dr. Coomer smiles.

“Like fucking what? We have no idea where she is, what she’s doing, how she got my address. We know nothing.”

“Bullshit.” Bubby retorts, “we know she has a new job, she wants to get your number, and we can expect more letters! That’s not nothing.”

“Yes but—”

“Good point professor!”

“Doctor.”

“Pro—”

“And what are we supposed to do with that information?!” I interrupt, “we don’t know when the next letter is coming, we don’t know how she’ll get my number or when, and we don’t know what her new job even is!”

Dr. Coomer and Bubby look at each other, before frowning. 

“Well I have no fucking clue.” Bubby shrugs.

“Gordon. You said we knew nothing, and Bubby proved you wrong.”

I sigh and put my head into my hand. 

Benrey looks at me, “you uh…” he smacked his lips, “you good?”

“No Benrey, I’m not.”

“Cringe.”

That is it. I stand up and begin walking upstairs.

“Where you going Feetmen?”

“To get Joshua!” 

“But Gordon! We where still talking!” Coomer calls after me.

I ignore them.

I open Joshua’s door and looks inside; he’s playing with his cowboy dolls. I smile at the sight. “Hey Joshie.”

He quickly looks over. “Hi!”

I enter the room and sit down next to him. Joshua smiles at me. “Is your adult talk done?”

I nods, “for now.”

“Can we get food now?”

I laugh and nod, “yes Joshie. We can get food. I think Coomer still has pizza downstairs.”

He flaps his hands excitedly, smiling at me. I laugh and stand up; Joshua follows me up and runs out of his room. I trail behind him. When we return downstairs, I see Dr. Coomer serving out the pizza, he happily hands Joshua a slice.

“Thank you Grampa!” Joshua smiles brightly.

“Your welcome Joshua!”

I smile at the interaction. I then notice Benrey, he’s still around eight feet tall and held a slice of pizza in his hand. He walked over to me and held it out to me. I hesitated before taking it.

“Uh… thanks?”

“No problem Feetmen.”

I start eating the pizza, Benrey stands beside me. I know he’s staring, when is he not at this point. I choose to ignore him. My attention is focused on Joshua, at least until the front door opens again.

Tommy walks in, phone still in hand. “Mister Freeman!”

“Hey Tommy.”

“M-My dad wants to talk to you.” He hands me the phone.

“Y… your dad?”

“Yeah!” He starts leading me outside the house. Well, when I say leading me, I more so mean pushing me out. “Come back inside when… when your done!”

“Tommy what’s—”

He closed the front door, leaving me outside with his phone in my hand. I glance down at it before sighing. “Gordon Freeman speaking.”

“Hello…. Mister Freeman…”

Wait, I know that voice. This is the guy who told me I had three months off! “What’s going on?”

“My son, Tommy… he has… informed me of your… predicament. Despite the… fact I am currently acquiring a… new arm for you…. He has… insisted that I help.”

I furrow my brows in confusion. “Look I don’t think there is anything you can do to help.”

“Dr. Freeman… I can do lots of… things. What… Tommy has asked me to do is… to help.”

I sigh and lean against the nearby wall. I wasn’t sure where this conversation was going. “And how exactly do you plan on helping?”

“You are… stressed… about your girlfriend knowing your… current location… Yes?”

“Ex-Girlfriend.” I sigh, “and yeah, that’s kind of obvious?”

“Hm, yes… well… Tommy has asked that I… offer… you and your son a place of… residence… at our house. Temporary stay… of course.”

“Huh?”

“Dr. Freeman… Tommy wants you… to move in… temporarily.”

I blink in surprise, “oh, I-I shouldn’t! I don’t want to impose.”

“Well then that’s… something you can go over… with Tommy…”

“Wait w—”

“Good day…” The phone then clicked.

I move it away from my ear and stare down at it. I then sigh and walk back inside; Tommy quickly notices me enter and runs over.

“S-so what do you think??” He smiles brightly at me.

I hand him the phone, “look Tommy, I appreciate the offer, but I can’t. I don’t want to impose on you… or your dad.”

Tommy blinks, a look of confusion formed on his face. “But mister Freeman, you wouldn’t impose! I would love to… to have you and Joshua live with me!”

“Tommy, please.”

“Plus, if you… if you moved in with me, she wouldn’t know! She wouldn’t know that your n-no longer home!”

“Tommy, she could probably find a way to track my phone and find me there.”

“Then w-we’ll get you a new phone!”

“Tom—”

“Please mister Freeman! You… you could be in danger if y-you stay here! I don’t want you, or Joshua, to be in danger! If you move in, Sunkist a-and I could help!”

I freeze at his words, Tommy was right. If Amanda knew where I lived there is no telling what she would do with that information. But… but I couldn’t just leech of Tommy. What kind of friend would I be if I did??

“Look, Tommy… we can figure something out but… I’d feel like shit if I abused your hospitality like that.”

Tommy shook his head. “Mister Freeman its… its not abuse if I am asking you to. Please.”

“I…” I feel myself sigh and put my head into my hand. “Maybe…”

“Just… just think about it, okay?”

I want to say no but… I honestly can’t think of anything else at the moment. So I sigh, again, and nod, “fine, okay.”

“Thank you.” Tommy smiles at me, before pulling me into a hug. 

I hesitated before hugging him back. This seems to make him happy because when he pulls out of the hug he has an even bigger smile on his face. 

“What’s uh… going on over here?” Came a voice from next to me, it was Benrey.

I flinch and turn to face the still very tall anomaly. “Dude! Stop fucking scaring me!”

“Whu? Uh no.”

Tommy laughs at us, “nothing Benrey, mister Freeman I where just talking.”

“Talking about what? Talking about uh… ostrich?”

“Why the fuck would we talk about an ostrich???” I sigh.

He shrugs in response.

Tommy just keeps smiling, “no, I was offering for mister Freeman to move in with me, my dad, and Sunkist! That way we… we wouldn’t need to worry about his ex finding him!”

“Wonderful idea Tommy!” Dr. Coomer had walked over, slice of pizza in hand.

“Thanks!” Tommy smiles, “I-I thought it was a good one.”

“Sleepover at Tommy’s, epic.” Benrey grins.

“Look, guys—” I tried to speak but was interrupted by Bubby.

“THERE BETTER BE MARSHMELLOWS AT THIS SLEEP OVER OR I’M GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE!”

Dr. Coomer grins, “Marshmallow is a type of confectionery that is typically made from sugar, water and gelatin whipped to a squishy consistency. It is used as a filling in baking, or commonly molded into shapes and coated with corn starch. This is the modern version of a medicinal confection made from Althaea officinalis, the marshmallow plant.”

Tommy’s smile grew more, “we could all move into m-my place! Have a sleep over every night!”

“Tommy I don’t think that’s a good idea—”

“BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!” Benrey grins more, jumping up and down with excitement.

Joshua quickly joins in his excitement, hopping up and down a little and trying to mimic the sound Benrey was making, “bbbbb!” He more so just spit everywhere.

Bubby grins, “fuck yeah! I can show you all how awesome of a cook I am!”

“It’s almost as good as his driving.” Coomer grins.

Dear god. 

What the fuck have I gotten myself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little while, I ended up getting really busy this past week and couldn't spend as much time writing as I would of liked. Hopefully the next chapter can come a little sooner.


	14. Engagement Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The science team gets all set up for the Coolatta sleep over and temporary residence! Hooray!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys continue to make my day, thank you so much for all the kudos and comments!!!
> 
> Special thanks to spuddbud on tumblr who made another amazing bit of fanart!!! https://spuddbud.tumblr.com/post/625683277048627200/i-keep-forgetting-to-post-this-here-another

That morning we set up a plan. Dr. Coomer would take Joshua’s to Tommy’s place, then Tommy, Benrey, and Coomer would watch Joshua as they set the place up for the extra guests. Since his dad was only expecting me and Joshua, not the entire science team. That would leave Bubby and I to pack up a suitcase for myself and a suitcase for Joshua.

I think this is the first time I’ve ever been alone with Bubby. Sure, we’ve hung out before, but there was always other people with us. I was fixing up lunch as Bubby went threw some boxes I had stuffed in my closet, I knew he was probably just snooping for fun, but there may be some stuff in there I want to take with me.

I was fixing up some mac and cheese, just something simple. Bubby had insisted on cooking but… if his cooking was anything like his driving, like Coomer had hinted at, I couldn’t risk it. So… maybe I agreed to let him snoop threw my stuff to avoid him burning down my house.

Maybe.

I served the simple mac and cheese into two bowls and carry both bowls upstairs. I enter my bedroom and see what I expected to see. Bubby sat on the floor, boxes and personal items of mine tossed around the room.

“Lunch is done.” I say, moving to hand it to him.

Bubby held a large box in his lap, and he held a small black box in his hand. He didn’t look up at me.

“Dude, it’s gonna get cold—”

“What the fuck is this.” Bubby held up the small black box. I sat down next to him and put the two bowls of mac and cheese down in front of us.

“I don’t know, its just a box. Look, lunch is done do you want some or—”

“I know it’s a box, idiot!” Bubby growls, “I meant this!” He opens the box revealing a small ring, it was silver with a large diamond in the center.

I froze. “… I… I forgot I still had that…”

“Don’t fucking tell me this is what I think it is.”

“… It was the engagement ring I got for Amanda.”

Bubby growls. “Why the fuck do you have this?! Do you want to marry her?!?!”

“N-no! Of course not!”

“You clearly did at some point!”

I swallow a lump in my throat, “she… she showed me which ring she wanted. I-I picked it up the next day. I… I thought it made sense… At the time. I mean, she was my girlfriend, she was the mother to my son, I thought… I thought I had to marry her…”

Bubby frowns down at the ring. “Well that’s stupid. In fact,” he put the black box down and began digging threw the larger box on his lap, “this entire box is stupid!”

I decide to actually look and see what was in the box. I recognized it, it was one of the ones I packed up from when I moved here from Massachusetts, guess I never had the heart to unpack it though. Inside the box was tons of photos and pieces of photos. Pictures of me and Amanda, or the parts of photos that I had ripped out because Amanda was in them.

I wanted to hurl as I looks them over. “I… I don’t know why I didn’t get rid of all this shit.”

“Why didn’t you?”

We sit in silence for a moment as I try to think up an answer.

“I don’t know. I guess when I moved here I… I was not in a good place. I guess I thought I needed the memorise or something?”

Bubby frowns more at this. “… We should burn it.”

“Huh?”

“Well obviously we sell the ring, could get a pretty penny for that,” he grins at me with his sharp teeth, “but everything else. All this… junk. I think we should burn it.”

“You know what,” I smile, “that’s a good idea.”

“Of course it fucking is! Now hand me that mac and cheese before I flip my shit.”

I laugh and nod, handing him the bowl, he quickly digs in. I began eating as well, looking at the engagement ring for a moment. Yeah, I could probably sell it for a good price. Maybe I could use the money to get something nice for the science team, a sort of thank you gift. 

Yeah, that be good. I tuck the black box into my pocket.

After we finish our mac and cheese Bubby and I return to packing up the two suitcases. We don’t want to take to much because I will only be moving in with Tommy temporarily, but we want to pack enough that I won’t get too home sick, because we don’t know how long this temporary stay will be.

Joshua’s suitcase is mostly filled with his toys and clothes. Along with his switch, a few games, some art supplies, and of course his favorite cowboy outfit. The kid would lose his mind if we left that behind.

My suitcase is roughly the same, clothes, bathroom items, just the essentials for living. Well, the essentials and some photographs, just for comforts sake. And yes, I am the type of parent who has pictures of my kid and the artwork my kid has made all over the house.

With the suitcases packed we closed them up and moved them into Bubby’s Cadillac. I would of used my own car, but if Amanda realized it was mine and saw it parked outside of Tommy’s house this would all kind of be a waste. So we collectively decided to leave it behind. 

With the suitcases put inside Bubby runs back into the house to grab a few last-minute items. The box full of photos of Amanda, and a bag of marshmallows. He immediately notices my confused expression.

“Before we go to Tommy’s where going to burn this shit, asshole.”

“Oh.”

Bubby nods. He drives us to the desert just outside of town. The one you have to drive threw to get to Black Mesa. Bubby and I both get out of the car; he picks up the box and marshmallows and starts walking away from the car and the road. I follow.

Once where a good distance away from everything he gracelessly drops the box, it hit the ground and the photos spill out of it. He then stood back a little bit. I watch him put a hand to his head as he focuses on the box, then a small flame sparked. Then that small flame grew and grew. He smiles proudly. 

Following that he grabs two sticks and hands one to me. I take it. He then opens the bag of marshmallows and hands be a few. I take those as well and put them on the stick he gave me. He grins.

“Guess we won’t need marshmallows at the sleep over now.” He joked.

I laugh a little, “well, having more wouldn’t hurt.”

“Fuck yeah!”

We both begin to cook our marshmallows over the burning flame. I watch as the photos inside burn. 

I get my marshmallows to nice golden brown.

Bubby makes sure his is completely burnt.

“Fuck yeah!” He grins before popping the still burning marshmallow in his mouth.

I laugh a little in surprise before going back to watching the fire. 

Eventually the two of us moved from standing to sitting, cooking and eating marshmallows, and listing to the roar of the fire. The silence between us isn’t suffocating, its calming, peaceful. Words I never expected I’d use to describe Bubby.

“… Thank you, for this.”

He eats another marshmallow before responding. “Don’t mention it. Seriously. If Coomer finds out about this I will never hear the end of it.”

I laugh, “still. Thank you. This was… this was really fucking nice.”

“… Therapeutic?”

“Yeah… yeah. It was” I eat another marshmallow.

Bubby nods. “It’s not always safe but… fuck. Can’t believe I’m gonna say this.”

I look over at him confused.

“The… the whole burning shit. Its… fuck, if you tell anyone this, I’ll kill you. But… its nice. Helps me to destress. It’s therapeutic.”

I look back at the fire before nodding. “Your right, it is.” I smile, “and don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“You better not. I’m stronger than you can fucking imagine!”

I chuckle, “alright, alright. My lips are sealed.”

“Good.” He huffs, eating another burnt marshmallow.

We are now about halfway threw the bag of marshmallows, I’d definitely say Bubby ate most of them, but I have also had a lot. I’m about to say we should get going when Bubby cuts me off.

“… Tommy’s right you know.”

“Tommy is right about a lot of things.”

“Yeah but, specifically he’s right about the whole… you not being alone thing. I… I’m not good with this whole touchy-feely bullshit.” Bubby sighs, “I wasn’t made to be… But Tommy is right when he says where here for you. All of us. Even if where… I guess… somewhat… bad at showing it.” He grumbles the last part.

I pause and stare at him, unsure of how to respond. 

“And if you tell anyone I said this shit I will kill you.”

I laugh, yup, classic Bubby. “Okay. Um, thank you. For all of this, it really does mean a lot.”

“Like I said, don’t mention it. Coomer will have a fucking field day.”

“We should get going,” I finally say, “we don’t want to make the others worry. Or finish the marshmallows before they get some.”

Bubby scoffs, “they can get more. But I guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting.” He stood up and offers me a hand. I take it and stand up.

He dusts himself and begins to walk back to the car, but stops half way. “So uh… how much are you selling the engagement ring for?”

“Eh, haven’t really thought about it.” I shrug.

“… Well, I can’t offer you much for it. But… but I have been thinking of proposing to Coomer, I don’t know if it’ll fit but… but I can’t leave Black Mesa all to often. Not without Coomer, or someone else, to accompany me. Being company property and all.”

I pause, right, yeah, Bubby was a test tube baby. Wait. “You want to propose to Dr. Coomer? I thought you two where already married!”

Bubby shakes his head, “nah. He had to go threw two wives before he realized I was the better option.” He snickers.

“Hm… you know what Bubby.”

“What?”

I pull the black box out of my pocket and hand it to him. “I think your proposal would make that slumber party a lot more interesting.”

Bubby hesitates before taking the box, “… your just gonna give it to me?”

I nod.

“… Fuck yeah! FUCK YEAH!” He then begins sprinting back to the car, cackling with glee.

I smile and glance back at the burning pile of photos. If that old ring can make Bubby happy, then it’s a good thing I had it.

I notice something just beyond the fire though, something white. I shift to look at it better.

What the fuck.

I see a skeleton. A human skeleton. Standing a good few feet away from me. The skeleton just stares at me for a good while, and I don’t know what to do. I only look away when I hear Bubby call.

“COME ON ASSHOLE! WE GOT A SLEEP OVER TO GET TO!”

“I’M COMING I’M COMING!” I call back. When I look back to where the skeleton was standing, it’s gone. 

Completely gone.

“… probably just a mirage.” I whisper to myself before beginning to walk back to the Cadillac.

I get into the car and quickly Bubby is speeding down the road, massive grin on his face. I smile at the sight but keep a death grip on my seatbelt. 

Bubby, and the rest of the science team have done a lot for me, so giving away one old ring is the least I can do. I hope Coomer likes it.

Soon we pull up to what I can only assume is the Coolatta residence. The house is… well… not a house. It’s a fucking mansion. The massive gate opens for us and we drive to the front of the house, having to drive around a massive water fountain, of course.

Tommy exits the grand doors and walks down the steps to greet us. He has his usual friendly smile and is already dressed in pajamas.

“H-Hello mister Freeman! Hello Bubby!” He smiles brightly.

Tommy wore a yellow onesie, it had a hood with a dog’s face and ears on it, and despite not seeing it I’m fairly certain it has a dog tail to.

Bubby parks the car and we both get out. Bubby grunts in acknowledgement and I smile.

“Hi Tommy.”

“D… Did you get lost on the way here? It took you two a long time! Benrey… Benrey was really worried!” 

I glance behind me at Bubby who hesitates before nodding and speaking. “Uh yeah, sorry, took a wrong turn. Gordon is awful at directions.”

I flinch, “I didn’t even know where Tommy lived until just now!”

“Exactly. We had no fucking clue where to go.”

“Oh.” Tommy frowns, “well I’m… I’m glad you made it here anyways!”

“We are too.” I smile.

“F-Feel free to get your stuff inside mister Freeman! Then… then you and Joshua can get your pajamas on too! Bubby, Coomer already has your room set… set up!”

“Good.” Bubby opens the trunk and grabs Joshua’s suitcase.

I grab my own before smiling to Tommy. “Thank you for this Tommy.”

“I-it’s no problem mister Freeman! T-the other are waiting inside!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The struggles of making up a fic mostly as you go is deciding what story beats to where. I've wanted to have this interaction between Bubby and Gordon for a while but didn't know how to approach it. At least not until now.
> 
> Also alternate title is 'Bubby care moments'


	15. I Can't Help Falling In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slumber party! Coolatta Mansion! Proposal! And Forzen.
> 
> Oh boy I'm pretty sure this is my longest chapter so far!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Updating a fic at 1:39AM? It's more likely then you think.
> 
> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO'S LEFT KUDOS AND COMMENTS, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO CONTINUE WRITING THIS!!!
> 
> Also special thanks to We-Cool-Beans on Tumblr for their amazing fanart! Please go check them out!!!  
> https://we-cool-beans.tumblr.com/post/625990510746664961/please-read-gordons-ex-is-a-bitch-by-my-wifey
> 
> Sweet voice translaions:  
> Blush - I have a crush  
> Yellow to Mauve - I’m in love

Bubby brings in Joshua’s suitcase and I carry mine. Tommy helps me get it up the stairs and inside the house because I only have one hand, but other than that I manage to get it inside.

The house is no less grand inside. To our right is a hallway that acts as a gallery, the dinning room, and a set of staircases leading up. To our left there is another gallery, a library, and a second set of staircases. Down the long hallway and directly past two large wooden doors is a large room, something akin to a grand ballroom. 

“Fuck this place is big.” I glance around.

Tommy laughs and nods, “d-don’t worry! Sunkist and I won’t let you get lost!”

“You better fucking not.” Bubby growls.

“Thanks again for having us over Tommy.” I smile.

“It’s no problem!” He nods before taking my suitcase from me. “F-follow me upstairs, I’ll show you all to… to your rooms!”

“Thanks Tommy, but I can take that.”

“I-its fine mister Freeman! I want to.”

I sigh, “okay. Bubby, I can take Joshua’s if you want—”

He cut me off, “fuck no.”

I sigh, again, “alright, well, thank you. Both of you.”

Tommy nods and begins leading us upstairs. Bubby and I follow him up. I can’t help but feel kind of useless as the two older men carry my stuff.

The upstairs is almost as large as the floor below it. Both sides of the staircase lead into a decent sized room, a hallway, and just beyond the hallway is the upper part of ballroom. I can hear barking and Joshua’s laughter coming from the space.

Tommy points to the right and smiles, “t-that’s the way to the master bedroom and bathroom where… where my dad sleeps! My bedroom is also that way! Please um, please don’t go there.” His smile drops to a frown before he leads up down the left of the hallway.

“This is… is Coomer and Bubby’s room!” Tommy points to the door now to our left, peaking inside the room was decently sized and has a walk-in closet.

“Fuck yeah!”

Tommy then leads us away from Coomer and Bubby’s room and towards two other doors. He points to the one to the right, “that is… is Joshua’s room.” 

I nod.

“A-and that one, that one is Gordon’s and Benrey’s!” He points to the room next to Joshua’s.

“I… I didn’t realize I’d be sharing a room with Benrey…” 

Tommy paused, “w-well um… Joshua deserves his own space a-as a growing kid, Bubby and Coomer have… have to stay together, and I can’t share a room with… with Benrey because S-Sunkist and I share the b-bed!”

“You’re not sleeping with my boyfriend, fucker.” Bubby growls.

“Bubby I would never!” I try to defend myself, Bubby huffs.

“Yeah, because I’d kill you otherwise.”

I sigh, “I know Bubby, I know. Anyway, that’s not what I meant. I just didn’t realize we would be sharing rooms.”

“Is… is there something wrong with that?” Tommy asks, frowning.

“No! Not at all.” Tommy was doing so much for me, and here I am, sounding ungrateful. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I was just surprised, that’s all!”

“Nothing to be sorry for mister Freeman!” Tommy smiles, “I just want… want all my friends to be happy!”

“I’m sure we’re all going to have a great time, thank you Tommy. For everything.” I smile.

“Your… Your very welcome!”

“Can we get going now?” Bubby frowns, I nod and move to take Joshua’s suitcase from him. I flinch a little when he pulled it away from me. 

“Bubby, I can—”

“Fuck that, I can bring it to Joshua’s room. I am his grandpa!”

“I…” I sigh and nod, letting him walk away.

Tommy walks into mine and Benrey’s room, dropping my suitcase inside. “F-feel free to get your pajamas on, mister Freeman! Benrey is… is downstairs with Joshua and Sunkist! Coomer is getting his p-pajamas on too!”

I nod, “thank you again Tommy.”

“You don’t need to keep thanking me, mister Freeman, its… its what friends do!” With that Tommy turned and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. As he left, I noticed that, yep, his onesie does in fact have a tail.

It seemed fitting. 

I glance around the bedroom. It was rather big. It had a walk-in closet and a large dresser. I immediately notice one side of the closet has been filled with Benrey’s clothing, the gamer shirts and sweatpants giving it away. Same goes for the dresser half of it being filled with his socks and pajamas, while his helmet and PlayStation Portable rest on top of it. 

I decide not to snoop.

Instead I fill the other side of the closet and dresser with my own clothes, I put some photos on the dresser and the nightstand by the bed. Helped it seem more like home.

With that done I begin to get my pajamas on, leaving my dirty clothes in the suitcase. I also shuffled the suitcase to the corner of the room, so its out of the way. I put on my orange t-shirt, fuzzy black flannel pants, and black slippers. Simple and comfy. Finally, I pull my hair out of its ponytail; I don’t need to have my hair up for a slumber party.

With that all done I exit my room, at the same time Coomer’s and Bubby’s door open and they both step out. 

Dr. Coomer is wearing classic grandpa pajamas, green and white stripped pants with a white tank top and a green housecoat, the only thing missing was a matching pair of slippers. 

Dr. Bubby is wearing a set of space pajamas, deep blue colored with stars and planets all over it; the center of his shirt housing a large rocket, he also had on some white socks.

I smile at both of them as I exit my room and walk over, “hey guys!”

“Ah! Hello Gordon!” Coomer smiles brightly at me.

Bubby nods to me, and points at his pocket subtly. I almost miss it. Ah, that must be where the ring is. So he hasn’t asked Coomer yet, good to know. I then focus my attention back to Coomer, “are you guys excited?”

“Fuck yeah!” Bubby grins.

Coomer nods, “yes! Are you Gordon?”

I nod and laugh, “of course!”

With that we all walk downstairs together, Coomer and Bubby walk hand in hand as I hold onto the railing.

“So I see you and Bubby had some marshmallows on your way here.” Coomer looks at us both with a smile.

Bubby frowns, “we got lost Harold. It was are only way to fucking survive.”

I laugh, “we got snacky.”

“We would have died!” Bubby insists. “Well, Gordon would have died. I can’t be killed.”

I roll my eyes and laugh.

“It’s true!” Bubby growls.

“Of course it is professor.” Coomer grins.

“Doctor!”

“Professor!”

As the two bicker back and forth we make it downstairs and approach the large ballroom. We walk past another two hallways going in separate directions, damn, how big is this place?

We enter the large room and I quickly notice Benrey, Joshua, and Sunkist. Joshua turns his head as he enters and smiles brightly.

“Grandpas! Daddy!” He runs over.

I kneel to his level and pull him into a big hug. “Hey there cowboy!”

Joshua is wearing a onesie covered in cowboy hats and lassos, in one arm he hugs his cowboy doll. 

I ruffle his hair and smile, “how are you doing?”

“Good!” He giggles, “me and Sunkist where playing!”

“And what where you playing?” Coomer kneels down next to me as he asks, a smile on his face.

He receives a hug from Joshua before the three-year-old answers, “horsie!” Joshua giggles.

Bubby then also knelt and gave a big hug to Joshua, “sounds bad ass.”

“Language.” I sigh. “Wait, Joshie… does that mean you where riding Sunkist???”

“Mmhm!” He nods. “Like a horse!”

“The horse is one of two extant subspecies of Equus ferus. It is an odd-toed ungulate mammal belonging to the taxonomic family Equidae. The horse has evolved over the past forty-five to fifty-five million years from a small multi-toed creature, Eohippus, into the large, single-toed animal of today. Humans began domesticating horses around four thousand BC, and their domestication is believed to have been widespread by three thousand BC. Horses in the subspecies caballus are domesticated, although some domesticated populations live in the wild as feral horses. These feral populations are not true wild horses, as this term is used to describe horses that have never been domesticated, such as the endangered Przewalski's horse, a separate subspecies, and the only remaining true wild horse. There is an extensive, specialized vocabulary used to describe equine-related concepts, covering everything from anatomy to life stages, size, colors, markings, breeds, locomotion, and behavior.”

Joshua had run over to Sunkist as Dr. Coomer spoke. Bubby sat attentive as he spoke, clearly listing. I more so watched Joshua as he mounts the massive golden retriever, held onto its collar, and got walked around.

When I moved to step in Tommy appears out of seemingly nowhere and stops me. He can see my concern and smiles in response. 

“It’s… it’s okay mister Freeman!”

I flinch and turn to him, “fuck, I didn’t see you there.” I sigh, “and what do you mean? Won’t he hurt Sunkist?!”

He just smiles, “of course not! Sunkist l-loves playing horsie!”

“Yeah bro, be uh… be pretty cringe if she didn’t.” Benrey had finally walked over, somehow standing next to me without me noticing.

I flinched again, “dude! Please stop that! Your both going to give me a heart attack!”

“Huh?” Is all Benrey responded with.

“Sorry mister Freeman.” Tommy pats my shoulder.

I sigh.

Benrey is dressed in a black t-shirt, the t-shirt has ‘gamers don’t die, they respawn’ written on it. He also wore blue baggy pajamas pants and, just like Coomer, wore no slippers or socks. Despite all of us being in nothing but pajamas, Benrey still wore his blue beanie. I don’t necessarily like it but I can’t say it doesn’t fit. 

I should also note Benrey is back to his smaller height, probably around five feet and four inches.

My observation was interrupted by someone new entering the room. The man entering walked in with a case of Sunkist soda. Tommy rushes over to him and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and took the soda, he then turns to us and smiles.

“Everyone, this is my… my boyfriend! His name is Darnold!”

Darnold waves, a small smile on his face. “Hello.”

“Howdy.” I wave before looking at Tommy, “you never mentioned having a boyfriend.”

“Oh!” Tommy laughs, “w-we only recently got together.”

Darnold nods, leaning a little into Tommy, “Tommy helps me test flavors of my potions!”

“Huh?” I frown a little.

Tommy smiles, “we… we met threw our shared love o-of soda!”

Darnold nods, “I’m head of the mixology department at Black Mesa!”

“… Black Mesa has a mixology department!?”

Darnold nods again, “I would of brought some potions with me but… this was fairly short notice!”

Tommy smiles, “Sunkist is more then enough.” He gave Darnold’s cheek another kiss before he opened the box of sodas and began handing them out.

I take the can and watch as Tommy hands the rest out to the others. 

Part of me wants to argue that mixology isn’t a real science, it’s the same part of me that called Tommy a weirdo when we first met. I push people away when I first meet them. That way they can’t hurt me. 

I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing until now, but now that I think it over, I know the truth. I want to insult Darnold as to not let him get close to me. Or at least that’s what I used to want. Tommy is my friend, as much as I don’t want him to be, he is. Darnold makes Tommy happy, so as much as I want to push Darnold away, I can’t bring myself to.

So I decide to just quietly drink my soda instead.

Darnold walked away to go follow and talk with Tommy. I watched for a moment, a smile on my face as I see Tommy and Darnold both smiling brightly at one another. I can almost hear Coomer talking about how sweet young love is.

Speaking of Dr. Coomer, he was over by Joshua and Sunkist. Joshua was sat on the ground with Sunkist curled around him, Coomer was before them both, talking excitedly about something. 

Benrey had moved away from me, getting his can of soda before sitting on the speakers in the ballroom. Tommy must of set those up for the slumber party.

And Bubby?

…

Wait where the fuck was Bubby?

I glance around, only to see him walking over, Sunkist soda in hand. He has a serious look on his face.

“Dude, is everything okay?” I ask once he’s in front of me, he quickly shushes me.

“I have a brilliant fucking plan. But I need your help.” He whispers.

I nod, “okay.”

“I’m gonna play a song on Tommy’s speaker! Then I’m going to dance with Coomer!” His grin only grew as he spoke.

I nod along, listing intently.

“Then, when the song ends and we stop dancing, I’m gonna fucking propose!” The fire in his hair sparks, showing his excitement.

“Brilliant, but… where do I come in?”

Bubby takes a deep breath in, “I… I need you to make sure I don’t chicken out.”

I begin trying not to laugh which causes Bubby to glare at me. I swallow and nod. “Sure thing, you got this.”

“I got this,” he nods before walking over to the stereo. 

Benrey was still sat atop it as Bubby began setting up whatever song he had picked out. Soon the ballroom was filled with the sound of music, specifically it was Elvis Presley’s song, Can't Help Falling In Love.

Bubby smiles before turning to Coomer, he held a handout to him. “Think you can keep up, old man?”

Dr. Coomer grins and walks over, taking Bubby’s hand. “I think it’s you who can’t keep up professor!”

“Doctor.” Bubby pulls him closer and smiles, beginning to dance with him.

'Wise men say  
Only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you'

The two have begun their dance, Dr. Bubby was leading and Dr. Coomer follows. They made sure to use up as much of the ball room floor as they pleased.

'Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you?'

Darnold and Tommy moved closer to one another, they began to dance as well. Nothing as grand as Coomer and Bubby, just simple swaying. Still, they both had a massive smile on their faces. 

'Like a river flows  
Surely to the sea  
Darling, so it goes  
Some things are meant to be'

I noticed that Joshua had started to ‘dance’ with Sunkist. It was more so running around with the dog and occasionally ridding on her back, but Sunkist moved and jumped in time with the soft music. It was cute and I couldn’t not laugh.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn.

'Take my hand,'

When I turn I am face to face with Benrey. He’s nervously fiddling with his shirt as his eyes look to the floor.

Wordlessly he held out a hand to me.

'Take my whole life, too'

I gently take his hand.

Benrey pulls me close and we begin to slowly sway. I follow his lead.

'For I can't help falling in love with you'

Benrey has one hand on my hip and he held my only hand with his other.

We start slow, Benrey nervously looking anywhere but me. A few loose notes of sweet voice leave him, there a nice, blush color.

'Like a river flows'

I watch the colors for a moment, a soft smile on my face. Benrey notices and begins singing more, starting to slowly turn us.

'Surely to the sea'

As we slowly turn the sweet voice begins to float around us, creating a beautiful pink glow. I smile more at the sight. I can’t deny that Benrey looks… well… amazing in the light.

'Darling, so it goes'

Benrey smiles more. I feel him pull me closer as we continue to dance.

'Some things are meant to be'

I squeeze his hand in response. No point hiding the blush creeping onto my face as we continue to dance.

'Take my hand,'

The sweet voice shifts color and tone. It changes into a yellow that fades to mauve.

Tommy glanced over at us and gave a knowing smile, before turning back to face Darnold. The two scientists continue to sway with one another.

'Take my whole life, too'

I feel myself relax as I watch the shifting colors. It was enchanting. The way the glowing orbs of song surround us and shine a light over the scene.

'For I can't help falling in love with you'

Benrey pulls me closer once more, pressing his chest to mine as the two of us end up making direct eye contact. I swear I almost hear a purr leave the entity before me. It sends a small shiver up my spine.

'For I can't help falling in love with you'

And so the song comes to its end. We hold our gaze for a moment longer, Benrey holding me close as I squeeze his hand. I feel butterflies fill my stomach as the gaze holds.

We’re pulled apart by Dr. Coomer sobbing.

“YES!!!” He tackle hugs Bubby, sending them both to the ground.

I look over and pull a little away from Benrey. Seems Bubby’s proposal went well. Bubby is cackling with glee, a massive smile on his face.

Coomer pulls him into a kiss as they lay together on the floor. 

I cheer, how could I not? The scene is precious. Tommy and Darnold join in on cheering, the two linked by the arm.

Coomer soon broke the kiss and the two older men stood up. Bubby smiles sadly “I-I’m sorry it doesn’t fit, this was…” he glanced over at me, I give him a thumbs up, “this was a last-minute decision.”

“So that’s why you two where late, epic.” Benrey grins.

I nod and chuckle.

Coomer smiles, giving Bubby another quick kiss, “it’s amazing Bubby. I love it!”

Tommy paused before grinning, “oh! I… I have some necklaces! We… we could put the ring on o-one of those!”

“Wonderful idea Tommy!” Coomer grins, holding the ring in his hand.

Tommy nods, “I’ll go get it!” He then runs off.

Joshua looks up at all the adults, “does… does this mean there’s gonna be a wedding?”

Bubby grins at Joshua, “yup! You can be our flower boy, if you want!” 

Joshua grins at that and nods quickly. “Yeah!”

I watch with a smile, before jokingly adding “Sunkist could be the ring bearer.”

Sunkist barks happily at that and begins running circles around my legs. Clearly, someone liked that idea.

“Wonderful idea Gordon!” Coomer grins brightly.

Ah, so it wasn’t just Sunkist who liked the idea. Good job Gordon.

Benrey is staring at me once again. I glance at him before looking away and brushing some hair out of my face. I wasn’t sure what to do, we did just have a… a really intense moment together.

Tommy soon runs back into the room, holding a silver chain necklace. He brings it to Bubby. Bubby takes it and smiles, temporarily taking the ring back from Coomer. He puts the ring on the silver chain before he moved to put the necklace on Coomer. Coomer held up his white hair as he did so.

Soon Bubby pulls away, but not before giving the doctor another quick kiss. Coomer smiles.

“I love you, professor Bubby.”

“I love you to, doctor Coomer.”

We all stand together, smiling at the newly engaged couple. It was a nice moment, something soft and sweet. A moment of peace after all the chaos we’d been going threw recently. I can almost forget about my arm for a moment.

But our moment of peace is shattered.

Someone slammed the front doors of the Coolatta mansion open, their gruff voice called out. “T-TOMMY! DARNOLD!”

“Forzen!” Darnold gasps.

Both Tommy and Darnold rushing forwards, heading to the unknown man.

I follow after, worried, and Benrey follows behind me. Coomer, Bubby, and Sunkist stay with Joshua.

Standing in the front doors of the mansion was an all to familiar solider. He looked like shit. He was bleeding, arms wrapped around his stomach as he tried to cover his wounds. Tommy and Darnold both moved to support the solider. 

I stumble to a halt, before backing up. I can feel the color drain from my face.

Benrey notices and stops next to me, “uh bro? What’s wrong? You uh… squeamish?”

“N-no,” I stumble back, moving a hand to my mouth.

Forzen looks away from Tommy and Darnold, his gaze shifting over at me. He blinks before frowning.

Tommy and Darnold glance at one another, confused.

“Dude? What’s wrong.” Benrey’s voice is stern.

I feel tears begin to fill my eyes. “Y-you… YOU’RE THE BASTARD WHO TOOK MY FUCKING ARM!” I scream, those tears now flowing freely down my face.

Everyone around me freezes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another special thanks to Icy-roulette on Tumblr for helping me choose what song to have Bubby and Coomer dance to!
> 
> ALSO TO THE ANON WHO LEFT ME THE MESSAGE ASKING WHEN THE NEXT UPDATE WAS GOING TO BE BECAUSE " I am sad and I need to be sader!!!!!" THIS IS FOR YOU ❤


	16. A Mother Must

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick catch up on what a poor, lonely mother is doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts during chapter 13, and ends at chapter 14.
> 
> I GOT A REALLY CUTE BIT OF FANART FROM GLITCHY-TEA ON TUMBLR!!!  
> https://glitchy-tea.tumblr.com/post/626994274208202752/epicaandk-creative-this-is-your-fic-247

My name is Amanda Pierce, I work as a part of U.S military, black ops division, often on infiltration and assassination missions.

I currently walk threw the halls of the military base, I’m in my black ops uniform. I have a combat knife, pistol with a silencer, and a sniper rifle all on my person. Currently, I’m returning from a mission. Some poor fucker angered the wrong people and was wanted dead.

It really didn’t matter to me.

A mother must always put her family first, of course. The money I’ll earn from these jobs is sure to impress my idiot ex. Mom always did say cold hard cash is what makes a family last. Now whether ‘Dr. Freeman’ comes crawling back, or I have to drag him back, is really up to him.

A metal door slides open and I step inside. Within the room is two men, the one who hired me is still dressed in his black suit and gloves, and he was speaking to another, much taller man who wore a blue suit and held a briefcase.

The stranger had intense blue eyes and was focused on whatever conversation they were having. So, I opt to lean against the wall and wait. 

I hate waiting. Someone like me shouldn’t need to, wouldn’t be in this fucking hell hole given the choice. But it was this or prison, and I’m much too good for prison.

These past few months have been very eventful. Training, missions, more training, sorting papers, legal murder. They sure do keep a girl working around here.

As I glance over the men, I can’t help but notice the obvious difference in power. The man who hired me, dressed in an eight-hundred-dollar suit with forty-five-dollar gloves, was standing before the other man, who wore a two-thousand-dollar suit.

Daddy would love a suit like that.

“Ah, Miss Pierce. I didn’t notice you.” The man in black gloves looks over.

He never told me his name, but always uses mine. I know why. It’s a threat, I don’t know his full identity, but he knows mine. It is a sad, sad attempt at power. A foolish grasp for control.

I force a smile, “I did what you wanted.”

“And is he—”

“Dead.” I shrug.

“It is… rude… to simply walk in…” The taller man spoke in an odd fashion.

“And it’s rude to keep a lady waiting.”

“Forgive her, she’s fairly new here.” The man in the black suit looks away from me to face the taller man.

“Then… she can be… replaced?”

I laugh.

The man in black gloves shook his head, “she has proven she’s valuable.”

The taller man hums in understanding but says nothing more.

“Well, if you don’t have anything more for me—”

“Actually miss Pierce, we do have an update for you. About your boyfriend.”

“Oh! So it only took you a couple of months to do something so easy?” I bat my eyes at him.

“Forzen took his time.”

“I noticed.” I huff and fold my arms.

He forgot about me for months! Months! That’s the last thing I wanted. Oh well, after the letter I wrote him he won’t be forgetting me again. I unfortunately can’t deliver it myself… another poor attempt to leash me. Idiot.

“Yes well… there was an incident.”

I decide to finally enter the room, walking up to the other man. I specially move myself between them and the taller man. I make sure to stand close.

“An incident with my boyfriend?”

The man behind me speaks up and I turn my head. “Yes… it seems that this… Forzen… took things to far…”

“… What happened.” I turn to fully face the other.

“Do not fret… miss… Pierce… he is not dead.”

I glare more, waiting for an explanation.

He moves to speak but was cut off by his phone ringing. He looks down at it before sighing, “apologizes… it seems my… son… needs me. Feel free to explain it… yourself.” He waves us both off and begins leaving.

As he walks out, he answers the phone and I hear him talking into the phone, “Tommy… I thought I informed you… not… to call me at this… time.”

The metal door then closed behind him.

I turn my attention back to the man in the eight-hundred-dollar suit. “Well??”

He sighs, “Forzen… amputated your ex.”

“He. WHAT!?”

“Miss Pierce please calm down.”

I laugh, and I make sure its loud. “Oh, of course, so sorry. Please go on. I am so sorry to interrupt you!”

The man sighs, “he cut off his arm. Luckily someone found him and managed to get him to a hospital, the arm couldn’t be re-attached though.”

“Mmhmm…”

“We understand that this isn’t what you wanted,”

“Mhm.”

“But you did give very vague instructions. Just rough him up a little isn’t very descriptive.”

“… And you said it was Forzen who did this?” 

“Yes… miss… Pierce.” But it wasn’t the man in the gloves who answered my question. Mr. Two-thousand-dollar suit walked back into the room, phone in hand. He sighed. “Apologies… my son was asking to have a… friend… sleep over.”

“It’s fine.” The eight-hundred-dollar suit man responds.

“Is that everything?” I ask, folding my arms as I look at the two men.

“Yes… miss Pierce… you are excused.”

“Hm.” I turn heel and leave the room, the metal door closing behind me.

Seems I have a boot boy to find.

It only took me about a day and a half to locate the solider. His friends where talkative and he rarely hid his location. Not that hard to track, honestly.

I decided to dress in more casual clothes, a red button up and jeans, with a knife and pistol hidden on my person, of course. This may not be an official mission but… A mother must always put her family first.

I start following him once he’s exited a GameStop. It wouldn’t be the first time I stalked someone, and he was far less attentive then my ex.

I know I need to be cautious; he is much taller than me and he has military training. I am just a poor mother! A poor, lonesome woman!

Should make this fun.

When we’re more so alone I tap his shoulder. “E-excuse me?”

He turns to me, taking out an earbud, “huh?”

“So sorry to interrupt, I… I think someone is following me.”

He moves to look behind me, but I catch his arm. “D-don’t, please I just… I just don’t want to be alone right now… To be safe.”

Forzen paused, “uh aight? Do you, uh, live nearby?”

I nod, “y-yes. Could you um… follow me?”

He nods and begins to follow my lead.

I smile as I lead away from the few people around us, turning into an alleyway. He’s not paying enough attention to notice. Good, good. I was worried he’d be smart. 

I slip the knife off of my belt and smile more.

I then quickly turn and swing the blade at him, he just barely dodged, his eyes going wide. He let out a surprised cuss in French, I don’t know it. 

It doesn’t matter.

I knee him in the groin before kicking him to the ground. He screams in pain, letting out more French nonsense.

“Tsk, tsk…” I shake my head, “and to think, this is all your fault.”

“What the fuck are you—” I kick him in the face before he can finish.

“You really don’t recognize me, do you??”

He looks up at me confused, I frown, sad I didn’t break his nose.

“I’ll give you a hint.” I smile, “… rough him up a little for me?”

Forzen’s eyes go wide, “y-your—” I move to kick him again, but he catches my leg.

He throws me to the ground, and I grunt in pain. 

He glares, “you’re the one who had me attack that science guy!”

I frown before swinging at him with the knife, he catches my arm and slams me back to the ground.

“Yes! I am!” 

I knee him in the stomach, and he flinched back. “I am.” I repeat, holding my knife tightly.

He glares, “what the fuck!”

“I asked you to ROUGH HIM UP, not AMPUTATE HIM.” I swing again, he kicks be in the face before the blade can make contact.

He pins me down and glares, “I warned him about fighting back!”

I spit in his face before kneeing him in the stomach and he falls off of me. 

“And I’ll teach you what happens when you mess with Amanda Freeman!” I move to pin him down instead, before he can struggle, I press the blade against his neck.

This was much better. He is glaring at me, but isn’t moving.

“You know…” I hum, “amputation wasn’t a bad idea. Leaves him more… dependent on those around him. It will probably work in my favor.” I chuckle at the thought, Gordon relying on me and me alone. Oh, what a lucky girl I am.

Forzen glares, muttering another cuss in French.

“But.” I press the blade closer, “I didn’t ask you to amputate him. I just asked to not be forgotten… and it took you MONTHS to get to him.” I sigh, “I was forgotten for months, Forzen, months!”

I shifted the neck off his neck and quickly slashes his stomach. 

Forzen screams in pain.

I slash again.

And again.

And.

Again.

I smile once I feel better.

Forzen was still awake, glaring as tears roll down his face. “C-crazy bitch!” He growls.

I smile. “A mother must always put her family first.”

I then stand up, giving him one last kick to the stomach before turning and walking away. I hope he bleeds out. I think he should. But I don’t care.

I can hear him shifting behind me, but I don’t look back. 

I have work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your Kudos and Comments continue to help motivate me to work on this fic!   
> School is starting for me soon so I'm doing my best to balance prep for that and this fic. So sorry ahead of time for any slowed activity.


	17. Tommy's Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama! Drama! Drama! Lots of swearing in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO ICY-ROULETTE https://prince-aster.tumblr.com/post/629027065444892672/i-hate-this-character-so-much-that-im-compelled-to ON TUMBLR FOR THIS AMAZING DRAWING OF AMANDA! Please go check out their new art blog, prince-aster!!!
> 
> Sweetvoice translations:  
> electric blue - I will protect you  
> grey to purple - this isn't what I wanted  
> blood red - I want you dead  
> red amber - anger

Everyone around me freezes.

I feel like I’m shaking, I probably am. Just the mere sight of the soldier makes me want to hurl. He’s here. Why is he here?! Did Amanda send him?? Does he work for her?!?

Darnold and Tommy where still supporting him as he held his stomach. There were multiple slashes across his stomach. 

Tommy is looking between me and Forzen. I wish I knew what was going through his mind.

“F-Forzen would never!” Darnold said, distress evident in his voice.

“Gordon wouldn’t lie about that.” A voice next to me growls. 

I turn my head and see Benrey, electric blue sweet voice spilling from his mouth. He’s taller, again, probably eight feet. He bared his teeth at the soldier, looking akin to a wild animal, ready to strike. To kill. If I had to guess why he hesitated, it would be because Tommy is still holding the man up.

“He’s m-my boyfriend!” Darnold argues before turning to Tommy, “our boyfriend!”

Tommy looks at the floor, he didn’t know what to do. 

I don’t think I know what to do.

My eyes are locked onto Forzen. 

On his open wounds. 

He’s bleeding. 

A lot.

He could die.

Part of me wants him to die, to slowly bleed out. Part of me wants to watch the color drain from his face as he dies. So I can see the pain. So I know that justice is served and I can find a way to move on. If I do nothing, I get my revenge.

But as much as I want to see him hurt for what he did to me, I can’t.

My eyes drift off Forzen and onto Darnold. He has tears streaming down his face now, desperately trying to hold the wounded soldier up. I then look at Tommy. His face is pail, he is being forced to choose between his friends and… and his boyfriend, the stress and fear is obvious on his face.

“Step away,” Benrey growls.

“N-no! I-I-I can’t! He’s—” Darnold tried to reason but he was cut off by Benrey growling. The soda scientist shivered, his face growing pale as he began to shake.

“STEP AWAY BEFORE I KILL YOU TO!” Benrey snarled, “BOTH OF YOU.”

Tommy flinched at the threat towards his partners; his mind seemed to snap back into reality. “B-Benrey—”

Benrey moved to sprint at Forzen. I stumble forwards and grab his arm. He flinched at the action and turned to face me, a deep glare on his face. 

For a moment I thought he was going to attack me, the look of rage and the snarl that left him did not help. I flinched but didn’t let go, I wait for the strike.

“Let go Gordon.” He snarls.

I don’t, instead I tighten the grip I have on his arm and look up at him. “No.”

“LET GO SO I CAN WRECK THIS CRINGY ASS MOTHER FUCKER!”

“No! He’s already bleeding! He will die if we do nothing!”

“Good.” He snarls.

“M-Mister Freeman is right!” Tommy says, looking at us both. “He needs h-help!”

“He deserves to die!” Benrey argues, snarling. “He. Hurt. Feetmen!”

“We don’t know that!” Darnold desperately begs.

“We do… I do…” I sigh before looking up at Benrey, meeting his intimidating yellow eyes. “I don’t want him to die. Not here, not now.” It’s a lie, somewhat, I wouldn’t mind if Forzen died… 

I would Tommy’s reaction to it.

Benrey met my green and brown eyes, clearly surprised. He stuttered, trying to think of something to say, instead of words more sweet voice spills from his lips, grey to purple.

I can ask Tommy about it later. Instead of that I look over to Tommy and Darnold. “Can you two get him patched up?”

Tommy quickly nods, “y-yes. I can take him t-to my room.”

“G-Good,” keep it together Gordon, “I’ll go tell Bubby and Coomer what’s happened.”

“I uh… I have to follow you…” Benrey mumbles, more electric blue sweet voice left his lips. I don’t argue, its better Benrey follows me instead of tearing the soldier apart.

I turn heel and start the walk back to the ballroom. I now know I’m shaking. I can hear Tommy and Darnold softly comforting Forzen, leading him upstairs. I still want to hurl.

We enter the ballroom and the first thing I see is Joshua. 

Joshua is leaned against Sunkist, clearly falling asleep. Coomer and Bubby where sitting nearby, talking to the extremely tired child.

“The dog, Canis familiaris when considered a distinct species or Canis lupus familiaris when considered a subspecies of the wolf, is a domesticated carnivore of the family Canidae. It is part of the wolf-like canids and is the most widely abundant terrestrial carnivore. The dog and the extant gray wolf are sister taxa as modern wolves are not closely related to the wolves that were first domesticated, which implies that the direct ancestor of the dog is extinct. The dog was the first species to be domesticated and has been selectively bred over millennia for various behaviors, sensory capabilities, and physical attributes.” Ah, so Dr. Coomer was telling Joshua about dogs.

Bubby was watching him with a love-struck expression, clearly still very excited about their engagement. I almost felt bad that I was about to ruin their evening. 

I walk over to them, Benrey trailing behind as we walk over. 

Coomer looks up at me and smiles, “ah, hello Gordon!”

“Hey.” I look at them, before looking away.

Bubby immediately noticed, “okay asshole, what’s wrong?”

“Cringy ass nae nae baby ruined the sleepover.” Benrey snarled, glaring at nothing.

I sigh, “don’t swear in front of Joshua. Tommy and Darnold’s boyfriend showed up.”

“Well we always welcome more people!” Dr. Coomer grins.

“How does another fucker ruin the sleepover?” Bubby crossed his arms.

“Guys please, not in front of Joshua.” Sure Joshua was nearly asleep, but still.

“BECAUSE THAT BITCH ASS—” Benrey started, I wasn’t having it.

“BENREY! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!”

He flinched when I yelled, staring at me. I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. Great, now Joshua was wide awake.

His blue and brown eyes look up at me. He sits up a little, “daddy? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing Joshie, I’m just a little stressed,” I smile.

It’s pretty clear that no one, not even Sunkist, believes me. I look at the large golden retriever, Tommy probably needs him, and I need Joshua away from this mess.

“Hey Sunkist?”

The dog gives a quiet bark.

“Can you take Joshua to his room? Then go see Tommy, he needs you.”

The dog blinks, before barking again. She shifted and laid on her stomach, letting Joshua climb onto her back. 

“Daddy?” Joshua looks up at me.

“Goodnight Joshie.”

He paused before waving goodbye. Sunkist then carried the toddler out of the ballroom.

“Gordon. What the fuck is going on?” Coomer stood up, looking at me. Bubby stands up next to him, arms still crossed.

“Tommy’s boyfriend, I think they said his name was Forzen, showed up. He was hurt when he got here, so Tommy and Darnold are patching him up.”

“… That’s not the full story, is it?” Bubby huffs.

I sigh, “no… its not. But… I don’t want to ruin your night…”

“Gordon, that’s bullshit! We care about you and if something is wrong, we want to know!” Coomer said firmly.

“Well… um… Tommy’s boyfriend, Forzen, is the soldier who… you know… cut my arm off…”

Immediately Bubby caught fire, the man was basically a massive fire ball. I screamed and flinched back.

“B-Bubby—" I try to speak, panicked that the man was on fucking fire.

“THEY DID WHAT NOW?!” Bubby growls.

“THAT’S WHAT I SAID BRO!” Benrey snarled, crossing his arms.

Dr. Coomer cracks his knuckles, “well gentlemen, today seems like a lovely day for violence!”

“W-what?!” I flinch.

“Gordon we are going on a man hunt!” Coomer smiles more.

“No!” I panic, “that’s Tommy’s boyfriend! We can’t kill him!!!”

Benrey growls, “he has Darnold. He doesn’t need that uh… nae nae bitch baby.”

“That’s not how it works!” I retort.

Coomer, helpful as always, adds “it could work like that Gordon!”

Bubby nods along with Coomer’s words.

“No! It can’t! T-The three of them are together!”

Benrey growls, “so?!”

“SO ITS HIS FUCKING BOYFRIEND! DO YOU WANT TO BREAK TOMMY’S HEART?!” I scream.

The two scientists and security fall silent at that, glancing at one another. Bubby’s flame flickers before fading, it still left a massive burn on the ballroom floor. Coomer shifted closer and dusts some ash off his fiancé.

As Coomer does that Bubby looks at me with a serious expression. “Tell me then, why the fuck are you are stopping us from roasting his ass, and not Tommy?” He crossed his arms.

I recall Tommy’s horrified expression, his hesitation when forced to choose a side. 

One of the last things I want to do is hurt Tommy, intentionally or not.

“… If it was anyone else I would of done it myself. Fucking strangled him with my remaining arm. But… he’s Tommy’s boyfriend… Tommy loves him… It doesn’t matter how I feel about it. I won’t hurt Tommy.”

Before any of them can really respond, a new voice entered the room. We all look over at the sound, huh, I hadn’t even heard the ballroom doors opens.

“Good choice… mister… Freeman. I wouldn’t want… my dear Tommy… upset.”

“When the fuck did you get here.” Bubby huffs.

Coomer frowns, “Gordon, I don’t like people who snoop.”

“It’s… it’s his fucking house.” I sigh before turning to him, “its uh… Mr. Coolatta, right?” 

“Yes… it is.”

“Great. Um… I assume you know everything already?” I ask.

The man nods.

“Creepy!” Coomer smiles brightly.

Thank you, Dr. Coomer. I sigh, “great. Is um… Is Tommy okay?”

“He… has been better…” The man glanced to the side.

“Yeah.” Benrey deeply growls, “he was better before he got with some cringy ass loser.”

The man looks back over at us, at Benrey. “Who are you… to question… my son’s… tastes?”

“His best friend.” Benrey retorts, red amber sweet voice pouring from his lips.

I opted to ignore him and walk forwards, “and what about Forzen?”

“Alive.” The man response, “he actually wants to… speak… with you.”

“WHAT?!” Coomer, Bubby, and Benrey screamed.

I hesitate “… fine.” 

“Gordon! I believe this is an awful idea!” Coomer says quickly.

“Are you fucking stupid!?!” Bubby growls.

“Uh… that’s pretty cringe Feetmen. Top ten Dumbmen moments. Number one, right uh… right here.”

“This was bound to happen, might as well get it over with.” I huff. Don’t start shaking again Gordon, now is not the fucking time.

“Gordon I really don’t think—” Coomer started, I turn to him.

“I don’t think I care, Dr. Coomer.”

“Don’t talk to my fiancé like that!” Bubby growls, stepping forwards.

Coomer huffs, “Gordon, that was very rude.”  
Great, nice work Freemen. Genius. “Guys please. Just fucking stop. I’m going and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Gonna uh… have to come with you.” Benrey moves to walk over.

“No. You don’t.” I retort.

He paused, “what?”

“I am doing this, and you are staying here. The moment we enter that room you’re just going to attack him.”

“So?” He growls, blood red sweet voice freely flowing from him.

“So your going to stay here so he isn’t hurt more then he already is.”

Benrey growls, “cringe.”

I roll my eyes before I turn to face the man in the suit. “Is that everything?”

“Yes… mister Freeman… it is.”

“Fucking fantastic.” I huff before walking past him.

I exit the ballroom and walk down the hall, before turning and heading up one of the sets of stairs. I maneuver through the room and down the next hall, towards Gman’s and Tommy’s room.

I know which room is Tommy’s almost immediately, it has stickers on the door and Sunkist is sitting outside. She stands up when she sees me. 

I give the dog a head scratch before slowly opening the bedroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who wants to see fic updates/my ideas/ my art, but doesn't want there dash clogged up with all the nonsense I reblog I finally made a blog specifically for my art and fanfics. The tumblr blog is epicaandk0. Please do not some art will be fanart, other art will just be for fun, and some of it may even be for school!


	18. Ryan Michel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Mr. I always wear gloves and an 800 dollar suit actually has a name! Does this technically mean this fic has more oc's then I initially thought it would, yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweetvoice translation:  
> Yellow to Red - your going to wish you were dead

The golden retriever trots into the bedroom and immediately walks over to her owner. The bedroom practically screamed Tommy Coolatta, there was soda cans and cases everywhere, a collection of colorful propeller hats, and a bookcase filled with a colorful display of Beyblades.

Against the wall, in between the pile of soda and collectables was the bed. Tommy, Darnold, and Sunkist where on the left side of the bed, and Forzen was rested in within the bed. Darnold was the closest to Forzen, his shaky hands holding a roll of bandages. Guess that means the bleeding had stopped.

I awkwardly walk to the right side of the bed, looking down at my injured attacker.

I feel sick just looking at him.

His head turns and his eyes gaze up and into mine. He was quiet for a moment, clearly trying to think of what exactly he wanted to say to me.

“Freeman?” His voice was still gruff, despite his injured state.

“I was told you wanted to talk to me?” There was no hiding the venom in my voice, I hated him. For obvious reasons.

Tommy and Darnold clearly notice my tone, and they both frown. Sunkist pressed into Tommy to try and comfort him.

Forzen nods, “I… I want to try and… explain.”

This only caused me to glare more, I don’t care. I don’t care! Whatever fucking explanation he has won’t take away from the fact he crippled me!

He clearly notices my anger and sighs, “I had to… I had to bro.”

“I don’t fucking care!” The venom remains, “if you where anyone else I would of either killed you myself, let Benrey maim you, or enjoyed watching you bleed out slowly.”

“M-Mister Freeman!” Tommy was clearly distressed by what I said, the sound of his voice caused me to flinch.

Right.

Darnold and Tommy where both here, witnessing this. I had startled Darnold with my words, that much was obvious. I need to tone it down.

“But,” I sigh, “Tommy cares about you, and Tommy is my friend. There is nothing you can say to make me forgive you. Nothing. But since Tommy likes you, I’m not going to kill you. I don’t forgive you. This doesn’t fix shit. But I won't kill you.”

Forzen paused before nodding in understanding.

That was enough of an answer for me. “Good.”

“… Can… I explain now?” He asks.

I frown more before nodding, “fine.”

The soldier then nods again, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. “They call her your ex, Amanda, she wanted me to hurt you.”

I feel every bone in my body tense.

Tommy joins in my immediate terror, “t-that’s not possible! S-she shouldn't be anywhere n-near you! She… She shot mister Freeman!”

Forzen glanced at Tommy before nodding and continuing, “the… uh… the military was impressed a civilian could discover and break into a government funded research facility… So instead of throwing her in prison they… they hired her.”

I think back to the letter I got from her, so that must be her new job. Figures someone like her would end up a boot-licker.

“So what? She asked you to cut off my arm and you did?”

Forzen shook his head, “no. She asked me to hurt you. To insure you, uh, didn’t forget her. But her employer took me aside afterwards… he… he said to make her wait. He said if you where to difficult that I should cut off an arm or a leg or something…”

Darnold flinched at that, tears filling his eyes. “So… so you d-did do it??”

Forzen looked ashamed, “yes... I-I—”

He was cut off by Darnold, who was shaking and crying. “W-Why?! Why would y-you hurt someone like that! I-I thought I knew you!!!”

Immediately Forzen tried to sit up, wheezing in pain as he did so. “Y-You do! Please! I-I had to do it!”

Tommy frowns more, “w-why did you have to! You… you hurt mister Freeman! Really, really badly!”

“Because he… he said h-he’d hurt Darnold if I didn’t!” Forzen looked like he was about to cry.

We all went silent at that. Darnold went stiff but the tears continued to roll down his face. Sunkist moved over to the soda scientists, leaning into him to try and calm him down. Tommy’s eyes where wide, he was clearly attempting to process what exactly he had been told.

I glanced at Darnold, then Forzen. So some stranger, who had hired Amanda, threatened one of Forzen’s boyfriends if they didn’t do as they wanted? That’s…

That’s fucked up.

This is all so fucked up.

The soldier continues, “h-he said we needed to test Amanda’s loyalty! See uh… see how far she could be pushed! If I didn’t they said they’d do i-it to Darnold! Since… since they’d never get away with hurting Tommy!”

Tommy blinks at that, “w… what?”

“He and you dad, they uh… work together? Kind of? I’ve seen your dad around the base! Never really talked though… but not the point.” Forzen was speaking fast, clearly trying to get all of this information out, “since they work together they’d never want his son, you, hurt. So they targeted Darnold! I-I had to!”

I move my hand to grip right above the numb, I may of known Darnold less then a day but I now realize if it wasn’t me it would have been him.

Does this make what Forzen did right?

No.

I don’t forgive him.

I hate him.

But at the same time, I would never wish any harm upon Tommy. Tommy was one of the nicest people I knew and Darnold, from the small conversation we had, seemed nice to. He also made Tommy happy.

But as much as I hate Forzen, I can hate whoever put him up to this more. “What did he look like?”

Forzen looks back over at me as he leans back into the bed, “hm?”

“What did he look like? The bastard that gave the orders.”

“He’s… he doesn’t like to give out his name. He dresses in suits, like he’s compensating for something. Always wearin’ gloves… always.”

I frown, “okay, I don’t know why that’s important?? Like do you know fucking anything about him?”

Forzen paused at that, thinking it over, “... Ryan. His name is Ryan. Known him for a while. Only ever seen him at base though, I don’t know what his life is outside of work…”

“Ryan what? Does he have a last name of some kind?”

“Ryan Michel... He’s average height, five feet nine inches, but often wears shoes with a heel to seem taller. Blond hair, he likes to have it slicked back.”

“Okay. Thank you.” I move to leave.

Tommy noticed and paused, “w-where are you going?”

“To tell Coomer, Bubby, and Benrey what’s going on.”

“Oh. O-Okay!” Tommy smiles, "goodbye mister Freeman!"

I smile back at him before leaving the couple alone.

I push the door closed behind me once I’m out of the room, sighing deeply as I did so. Fucking hell. I just wanted all of this to be over, but if Amanda somehow works for the fucking government it means I may need to start considering moving elsewhere. Canada maybe? Somewhere in Europe? Fuck.

Before I could truly think about it I notice something watching me from across the hall. I turn to look at it and am meet with the unnerving sight of a skeleton. I can’t tell if it’s the same one as before.

But the one before was a mirage? Wasn’t it??

When a blink the confusing lump of bones is gone. I don’t like this. It stood much closer then last time… why? My brain told me it was listing in on us but that couldn’t be true because skeletons don’t have ears!

Whatever.

Whatever!

I need to tell the others that some asshole named Ryan Michel hired Amanda, threatened Darnold, and wanted me hurt.

I walk back the way I came, down the stairs, and return to the ballroom.

Benrey has returned to sitting on the stereo, Coomer is sat cross-legged on the floor, and Bubby is pacing back and forth. Mr. Coolatta is no where to be seen.

They all immediately turn to look at me as I open the ballroom door.

“Hey guys,” I try to start casually.

Bubby wasn’t having it, “what the fuck is going on?! You had us worried fucking sick!”

“Gordon we are freaking the fuck out right now!” Coomer quickly adds.

I nod, “I know, I know… Forzen just wanted to explain what happened.”

“Wanted to tell you he’s a cringe ass nae nae baby?” Benrey growls.

“He wanted to explain who ordered him to cut off my arm.” 

Benrey sat up from his slouched position before jumping off the stereo. Coomer also stood up from the floor. All three of them stood at attention.

I continue, “some guy named Ryan. Ryan Michel. He apparently ordered Forzen to do it on behalf of Amanda, and if he didn’t he would of hurt Darnold.”

“Well they sound like a bitch.” Bubby growls.

I give a hollow chuckle and nod.

Coomer seems to be thinking before he grinned. “Gordon!”

“Yes Dr. Coomer?”

“I think today is a lovely day to start a man hunt, don’t you?”

“Huh—” I’m cut off by Benrey and Bubby.

“I would have to agree Harold.” Bubby cackles.

Benrey grins and cracks his knuckles, “sounds poggers bro.” Yellow to red sweet voice pouring freely from his lips.

Oh.

Oh boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so fucking long to update. I'm not forgetting about this fic I just haven't had a lot of time to work on it. This chapter may have lots more errors then usual because of this but I felt like I owed you guys an update after working on a fic with Icy for so long.
> 
> I love all of your kudos, comments, and fan art. Reminder that I made an art blog so if you ever want to send me anything or just chat you can message me there (epicaandk0) or my main blog (epicaandk-creative).
> 
> Thank you all for waiting


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